Happy 2012, Blogdosts!! Let's keep this space lively, interactive, honest and FUN! I hope you had a great start to a brand new year. I certainly did! I hope to keep the same spirit going all through the next 12 months. One thing I do know - if you feel good, you LOOK good! So, here's to terrific beginnings... your time starts NOW!
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This appeared in Bombay Times today...
2012 : The Year of Hope and Optimism…
Happy New Year, readers! I wonder how many of you are able to focus this morning and read this?For those who are indeed cold sober, beady eyed and bushy tailed, my special congratulations. Today is the first day of a brand new year.And I get the distinct feeling 2012 is likely to be upbeat and positive, give or take a few hiccups.Let’s not go into rewind mode and spoil our mood over what happened and what didn’t in 2011. It’s over. And good riddance, too. I’d say the best fallout of the past year was the clarion call to citizens given by a 74 year- old -man who became an unlikely youth icon - Anna Hazare. Never mind that his Mumbai show ended not with a bang but a whimper. He did perform a very important role despite all the bungling and mismanagement. He gave something precious to the aam aadmi – a voice. What we do with our newly discovered larynx is up to us from this point on. We don’t need Anna to fast. We don’t need him to hold our hand, either. We just need to make ourselves heard.
Two young men are going to be watched very carefully indeed in 2012. Both have had leadership thrust on them. One is still an unknown entity. The other was born famous. But both have one thing in common: monumental responsibility. And of course, both are the ‘Anointed Ones’. Cyrus Mistry and Rahul Gandhi are likely to be the most scrutinised, most searched 40- somethings in India. As heirs to vast empires ( Tata’s, and India), on them are pinned the hopes and aspirations of a billion-plus Indians. As Tata followers frequently boast, “ The state of India is often judged by the state of the Tata companies!” Both men are inheritors of staggering legacies. History will definitely judge these two. How they perform in 2012 will be monitored with hawk-like precision by the world, not just India. Rahul has had a head start in public life , virtually from his cradle. Cyrus has preferred to live more privately and well below the radar. The mentors of both are towering personalities – Sonia Gandhi and Ratan Tata. But eventually, the buck stops with Rahul and Cyrus. Will they deliver?
In movies and cricket, it is time for the established superstars to show some grace and move on. Leave it to the youngsters. How long are you chaps going to hang on to your thrones and crowns? Fans of both are clamouring for excitement and change. Viewer fatigue has set in. If Sachin does not get that blessed century in 2012, the sky will not fall down. If SRK does not wipe the floor with the competition, it won’t lead to a national calamity.Ditto, for all those lambey race ke ghodey who have outlived their relevance in other fields but are stubbornly hanging in there, clinging on desperately to the status quo. Whether in cricket, politics, movies or business, 2012 is going to see immense churning and change. Yes, it’s going to be that sort of a year. How do I know? Shall we put it down to a woman’s intuition??
Here’s to a super sexy, spectacular and surprising New Year ! Party on…. the night is going to stay young throughout 2012. Kasam se!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Lokpal Lives!!!!
Ooooof! Bit of a relief.... bit of an anti-climax. Lokpal lives! Between the fiery Sushma S and the erudite Pranab M , viewers witnessed Parliamentary proceedings at their volatile best. A reality show on 'democracy at work'. Splendid! No matter what the political ramifications and implications, at this point, it's all good. A big, historic step... no, LEAP, forward in the right direction. Time for Team Anna to take a breather and let the poor man eat!
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This appeared in The Week...
Santa Baby…. hurry down the chimney…
I think of Marilyn Monroe every X’Mas. Why her? Oh, for a whole host of reasons. I’m thinking of her again as I write this.Her breathless, little girl voice is ringing in my ears as she warbles, “Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight…” There is so much pathos in the way she sings… and to think the world mistook it for sexiness! Pathos defined the life of a woman known for her curves and little else. Perhaps nobody will ever figure out what she felt about her body, her sexuality. Or even why she had to die so early. The mystery around Marilyn Monroe’s extraordinary life and tragic death will haunt fans for generations, but it is also the same mystery that has made her a legend. It is said, there can be just one M.M. – the ultimate fantasy- woman. The greatest sex symbol ever. One wonders, given the chance to be herself, stripped of all that glamour and clamour, what would Marilyn have asked from Santa? More diamonds( she did sing a song about diamonds being a girl’s best friends!)? More money, fame, furs, fans? Or just more love? Genuine, unselfish love? What would any woman want from Santa today? Pretty much the same thing – love. Or am I being totally naïve? I decided to ask a few accomplished young women I know. ‘Make a wish list for Santa,’ I urged. And they did just that. Were there several common factors… or none? Had they pegged their expectations a bit too high? Did they even know what they wanted? The not-so-surprising answer is that most of them were clear-sighted and practical when they stated their desires. Like poor Marilyn, who instinctively knew the true worth of diamonds ( nothing but glittering rocks , if they didn’t come with a life time guarantee of love),most of these urban ladies rated that four- letter word (love) as priority number one in their lives. Next was security – financial and emotional. Then came the twist – they wanted Santa to ensure their physical safety. Now we were talking!
Strange that today’s far more empowered woman is feeling insecure about her personal safety. On the streets, at the work place, even in her own home! In an age when there are so many women in the work force across India, one would have imagined they were in a position to take care of themselves. Not so. Single women in particular expressed their fears on several fronts. Getting decent accommodation was just one of them. Most landlords were either unwilling to rent out their place to women or downright hostile towards them.Working women felt they were unnecessarily placed under scanners and regarded with suspicion while their male counterparts didn’t have to undergo any such scrutiny or humiliation. Santa needs to seriously look into housing issues for career gals. On a lighter note, women are begging of Santa to send a few good men their way. “Do they not exist?” a woman moaned. She was an attractive, educated and ambitious woman, at that. Another said she wouldn’t put extra pressure on Santa, knowing it’s unfair, adding, “Poor Santa… how many good men can he locate and stuff inside those stockings? Let’s face it, there is a worldwide shortage here.” Children featured high on the list - with or without a marriage certificate attached . “I want to be a mother – not a wife,” stated one woman firmly. Others agreed. Another one wondered whether a “Three year itch” was justified, since her marriage had hit a serious downer after the birth of her first child. Was she asking Santa to produce a lover? “Why not? I am depressed and bored,” she shrugged. Other items on the list were easier for Santa to deliver. More Botox. Slimmer hips. Fuller lips. Magic pills to lose weight.And – get this – a stronger sex drive. Yup. Today’s over worked woman has no time for sex. And in any case, is much too exhausted to indulge enthusiastically in any such activity (“I prefer hot yoga”). Goodies of the material kind? Those came lower down in the list. I get the feeling Marilyn would have approved of this shift – from diamonds to detoxing ones mind, body and soul. Santa sure has some heavy duty tasks ahead of him.
As for what men want this X’Mas - isn’t it always the same thing? And what would that be? I’m not telling! Your guess is as good as mine. Hint: it’s a 3 –letter word.
Merry X’Mas, readers. And a spectacular 2012!
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This appeared in The Week...
Santa Baby…. hurry down the chimney…
I think of Marilyn Monroe every X’Mas. Why her? Oh, for a whole host of reasons. I’m thinking of her again as I write this.Her breathless, little girl voice is ringing in my ears as she warbles, “Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight…” There is so much pathos in the way she sings… and to think the world mistook it for sexiness! Pathos defined the life of a woman known for her curves and little else. Perhaps nobody will ever figure out what she felt about her body, her sexuality. Or even why she had to die so early. The mystery around Marilyn Monroe’s extraordinary life and tragic death will haunt fans for generations, but it is also the same mystery that has made her a legend. It is said, there can be just one M.M. – the ultimate fantasy- woman. The greatest sex symbol ever. One wonders, given the chance to be herself, stripped of all that glamour and clamour, what would Marilyn have asked from Santa? More diamonds( she did sing a song about diamonds being a girl’s best friends!)? More money, fame, furs, fans? Or just more love? Genuine, unselfish love? What would any woman want from Santa today? Pretty much the same thing – love. Or am I being totally naïve? I decided to ask a few accomplished young women I know. ‘Make a wish list for Santa,’ I urged. And they did just that. Were there several common factors… or none? Had they pegged their expectations a bit too high? Did they even know what they wanted? The not-so-surprising answer is that most of them were clear-sighted and practical when they stated their desires. Like poor Marilyn, who instinctively knew the true worth of diamonds ( nothing but glittering rocks , if they didn’t come with a life time guarantee of love),most of these urban ladies rated that four- letter word (love) as priority number one in their lives. Next was security – financial and emotional. Then came the twist – they wanted Santa to ensure their physical safety. Now we were talking!
Strange that today’s far more empowered woman is feeling insecure about her personal safety. On the streets, at the work place, even in her own home! In an age when there are so many women in the work force across India, one would have imagined they were in a position to take care of themselves. Not so. Single women in particular expressed their fears on several fronts. Getting decent accommodation was just one of them. Most landlords were either unwilling to rent out their place to women or downright hostile towards them.Working women felt they were unnecessarily placed under scanners and regarded with suspicion while their male counterparts didn’t have to undergo any such scrutiny or humiliation. Santa needs to seriously look into housing issues for career gals. On a lighter note, women are begging of Santa to send a few good men their way. “Do they not exist?” a woman moaned. She was an attractive, educated and ambitious woman, at that. Another said she wouldn’t put extra pressure on Santa, knowing it’s unfair, adding, “Poor Santa… how many good men can he locate and stuff inside those stockings? Let’s face it, there is a worldwide shortage here.” Children featured high on the list - with or without a marriage certificate attached . “I want to be a mother – not a wife,” stated one woman firmly. Others agreed. Another one wondered whether a “Three year itch” was justified, since her marriage had hit a serious downer after the birth of her first child. Was she asking Santa to produce a lover? “Why not? I am depressed and bored,” she shrugged. Other items on the list were easier for Santa to deliver. More Botox. Slimmer hips. Fuller lips. Magic pills to lose weight.And – get this – a stronger sex drive. Yup. Today’s over worked woman has no time for sex. And in any case, is much too exhausted to indulge enthusiastically in any such activity (“I prefer hot yoga”). Goodies of the material kind? Those came lower down in the list. I get the feeling Marilyn would have approved of this shift – from diamonds to detoxing ones mind, body and soul. Santa sure has some heavy duty tasks ahead of him.
As for what men want this X’Mas - isn’t it always the same thing? And what would that be? I’m not telling! Your guess is as good as mine. Hint: it’s a 3 –letter word.
Merry X’Mas, readers. And a spectacular 2012!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Good Guy Vs.Bad Guy - who wins?
The Anna Show rides into town. Please eat, na? Why send the nation on a guilt trip? New Year revellers are in 'Khao, peeyo, mauj karo' mode. Khaali peeli party pooper kaiko banna ??
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This appeared in Bombay Times today...
Good Guy Vs. Bad Guy… who wins??
“Kuch na kaho… kuch bhi na kaho!” What lyrics! What a song! Am seriously thinking of adopting it as an anthem for 2012. For there are times when silence speaks far more powerfully than words. And a ‘Mission’ gets ‘Accomplished’ without collateral damage taking place. But it’s still worth comparing and contrasting the styles of two big stars who have so much riding on them - one in Hollywood , the other in Bollywood. Tom Cruise and Shah Rukh Khan are eerily similar. Almost like twins separated at birth. Both are on top of their respective games while being closer to 50 than 40. Short, slim, compact and with prominent noses and great hair. Neither man qualifies as ‘handsome’ in the conventional sense. Both are family men with attractive wives…. no major scandals.And both are good actors – when they actually allow themselves to act. Given their phenomenal global fame, success and iconic status, they no longer need to act. That is, act as anything but themselves. Tom is Tom, SRK is SRK.Whether playing Ethan Hunt or Don, the men remain the same. One can predict the next smirk, crinkling of the eyes, lop-sided grin, creasing of the forehead, you name it, and it’s trotted out as if on cue. The hair looks great even if a nuclear device goes straight through it. And the chicks don’t stand a chance. Perhaps that’s what their die hard fans expect and want. But what about the rest? Sorry, but both guys have done themselves in with their predictability and programmed mannerisms. Considering this season’s two biggest hits ( yes, they are money spinners) depended so heavily on Brand Cruise and Brand SRK to propel them at the box office, look at what happens when a movie invests almost solely in star power and pays little attention to other factors. Like script,dialogue,background score, co-stars, logic,plausibility… a story! ‘Ghost Protocol’ boasts of heart-stopping action in the first half. I thought I was going to faint during the Dubai segment.Having visited the Burj Khalifa last month and suffered a serious bout of vertigo at ‘Atmosphere’, the super sexy bar on the 123rd floor, watching Cruise crawl up the sides of that 8th Wonder of the World was way too much for my tension levels. If only the movie had stopped right there! Post-interval it toppled over and collapsed into the desert sand with some maudlin’ rubbish about Ethan’s dead wife not being dead after all. Like anybody cared.
At least DON-2 didn’t fall into that trap. If anything, the pace picked up after the interval and the maara maari was better choreographed. What was seriously missing in both movies was oomph. Sex appeal.Glamour.One could understand Anil Kapoor’s unbelievably silly two minute role and forgive him for not taking it seriously. I mean… who could get turned on by Ms. Patton? The best desi scene in ‘Mission’ was the one where a silver tray loaded with an array of mobile phones is presented to Kapoor playing a media tycoon with a rogue satellite . For all those wondering whether we really do have local tycoons whose valets bring them silver salvers bearing multiple phones… ummmm, the answer is ‘yes’! Don’t laugh. It happens.If Ms. Patton failed to turn up the heat,poor Priyanka Chopra, far from being a ‘jungli billee’ plays a severe cop (dressed like a call centre girl). Nothing she could do with stilted dialogues like, “Whaaaat ?” “Dammit!” and “S**t !”What a waste of a sexy gal. And when she does get to wear a hot designer gown and dance, it is an awkward waltz she performs. A waltz? In Berlin? Were they thinking Vienna?? Ms. Patton knocks out silly Anil Kapoor and leaves him to snore after hissing, “Soh Jao.” Good advice for the audience as well!
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The Festive Season kicked off with Deepak and Smita Parekh’s smashing traditional X’Mas brunch ( a ‘strawberries and cream’ theme this year).It was the men who stuck to the dress code and turned up clad in pink! As for the turnout, it would be easier to list who wasn’t there sipping champagne and schmoozing with India’s Most Amazing. Going by the buoyant mood, I’d say we can all relax. The Sensex ain’t going anywhere but up from this point on.How do I know? I read Deepak’s lips, and they clearly said, “ No more taxes!” Hahaha !
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This appeared in Bombay Times today...
Good Guy Vs. Bad Guy… who wins??
“Kuch na kaho… kuch bhi na kaho!” What lyrics! What a song! Am seriously thinking of adopting it as an anthem for 2012. For there are times when silence speaks far more powerfully than words. And a ‘Mission’ gets ‘Accomplished’ without collateral damage taking place. But it’s still worth comparing and contrasting the styles of two big stars who have so much riding on them - one in Hollywood , the other in Bollywood. Tom Cruise and Shah Rukh Khan are eerily similar. Almost like twins separated at birth. Both are on top of their respective games while being closer to 50 than 40. Short, slim, compact and with prominent noses and great hair. Neither man qualifies as ‘handsome’ in the conventional sense. Both are family men with attractive wives…. no major scandals.And both are good actors – when they actually allow themselves to act. Given their phenomenal global fame, success and iconic status, they no longer need to act. That is, act as anything but themselves. Tom is Tom, SRK is SRK.Whether playing Ethan Hunt or Don, the men remain the same. One can predict the next smirk, crinkling of the eyes, lop-sided grin, creasing of the forehead, you name it, and it’s trotted out as if on cue. The hair looks great even if a nuclear device goes straight through it. And the chicks don’t stand a chance. Perhaps that’s what their die hard fans expect and want. But what about the rest? Sorry, but both guys have done themselves in with their predictability and programmed mannerisms. Considering this season’s two biggest hits ( yes, they are money spinners) depended so heavily on Brand Cruise and Brand SRK to propel them at the box office, look at what happens when a movie invests almost solely in star power and pays little attention to other factors. Like script,dialogue,background score, co-stars, logic,plausibility… a story! ‘Ghost Protocol’ boasts of heart-stopping action in the first half. I thought I was going to faint during the Dubai segment.Having visited the Burj Khalifa last month and suffered a serious bout of vertigo at ‘Atmosphere’, the super sexy bar on the 123rd floor, watching Cruise crawl up the sides of that 8th Wonder of the World was way too much for my tension levels. If only the movie had stopped right there! Post-interval it toppled over and collapsed into the desert sand with some maudlin’ rubbish about Ethan’s dead wife not being dead after all. Like anybody cared.
At least DON-2 didn’t fall into that trap. If anything, the pace picked up after the interval and the maara maari was better choreographed. What was seriously missing in both movies was oomph. Sex appeal.Glamour.One could understand Anil Kapoor’s unbelievably silly two minute role and forgive him for not taking it seriously. I mean… who could get turned on by Ms. Patton? The best desi scene in ‘Mission’ was the one where a silver tray loaded with an array of mobile phones is presented to Kapoor playing a media tycoon with a rogue satellite . For all those wondering whether we really do have local tycoons whose valets bring them silver salvers bearing multiple phones… ummmm, the answer is ‘yes’! Don’t laugh. It happens.If Ms. Patton failed to turn up the heat,poor Priyanka Chopra, far from being a ‘jungli billee’ plays a severe cop (dressed like a call centre girl). Nothing she could do with stilted dialogues like, “Whaaaat ?” “Dammit!” and “S**t !”What a waste of a sexy gal. And when she does get to wear a hot designer gown and dance, it is an awkward waltz she performs. A waltz? In Berlin? Were they thinking Vienna?? Ms. Patton knocks out silly Anil Kapoor and leaves him to snore after hissing, “Soh Jao.” Good advice for the audience as well!
**********
The Festive Season kicked off with Deepak and Smita Parekh’s smashing traditional X’Mas brunch ( a ‘strawberries and cream’ theme this year).It was the men who stuck to the dress code and turned up clad in pink! As for the turnout, it would be easier to list who wasn’t there sipping champagne and schmoozing with India’s Most Amazing. Going by the buoyant mood, I’d say we can all relax. The Sensex ain’t going anywhere but up from this point on.How do I know? I read Deepak’s lips, and they clearly said, “ No more taxes!” Hahaha !
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Santa Sonia Vs. Saint Anna
MERRY X'MAS BLOGDOSTS!!
I've enjoyed a really terrific one this year. As I hope you have, too! Watched Don-2 last night. Check out this space on Tuesday for more!
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Santa Sonia Vs. Saint Anna….
Merry X’Mas, readers. What a strange season to be jolly and go ‘ho ho ho’! If we are looking for fireworks on New Year’s Eve, we’ll get them! But for now, let’s see what Santa Sonia has lined up for us in her bag of goodies. Oooops! Isn’t her customary Santa sack really tiny?More like a knapsack than a bulging- with- gifts bag one associates with a generous, large- hearted Mother X’Mas . Let’s blame it on global recession. Santa has had to tighten that belt, and slow down the sleigh. Even the poor reindeer looked lean and hungry this year. Why blame Santa Sonia? In any case, what Santa Sonia needs to pull out of that sack is a jumbo sized fire extinguisher to put out all those fires. It has been a pretty lousy year, duniya ke liye. And by the time 2011 finally comes to an end, perhaps our overcrowded jails will be overflowing - Saint Anna is at it again. And while he limbers up for yet another fast, the flock is getting impatient. Unfortunately, the Lokpal ‘Bill’-ing and cooing marathon has hit a roadblock. If Team Anna’s actual intention was to bring down the government, that hasn’t happened so far. Santa Sonia’s reindeer (read: Pranab,Digvijay and Manmohan) are going to find it tough to drag that sled over this hurdle. Most chimneys and choolahs in India have remained unused in 2011, thanks to the ridiculously high food prices. If Santa Sonia wants to bring a smile to people’s faces, she’d better pull out some loaves .Santa can’t afford to adopt the cavalier ‘Let them eat cake’ approach this time. Somehow, a ‘Cake, Kapda aur Makaan’ slogan doesn’t sound right. The natives are definitely restless, and it’s no use offering cupcakes and hot cross buns, when there is no daal-roti in the kitchen. Kharcha is on everybody’s mind, far more than an abstraction called ‘corruption’. If Santa Sonia takes up Saint Anna’s challenge to engage in a public debate (what’s the bet it will not happen?), at least the faithful will know the true position of her government. As of now, there is full on confusion, where the last person whose interests are supposedly being protected is the citizen.No jingle bells for the aam aadmi, alas. And zero governance for the country.
Young people are dying to ‘bharo’ those jails and sport trendy ‘I am Anna’ topis. That’s youth. Give them hope, package it well, arouse their sentiments, allow them to believe change is in their hands, and they’ll be prepared to fast, march, light candles, shout slogans, throw stones, take to the streets, even lay down their lives. It is a phenomenon the world has witnessed over and over again. It is this very idealism, trust and naivete that leaders capitalize on and exploit. If we are indeed heading for an ‘Indian Summer’, it will be fired up twenty-somethings who will act as the drivers. But drivers for what?Against whom? We are being brainwashed into believing this agitation is about rooting out corruption. And the only way to get that done is to push Saint Anna’s Bill through parliament without altering a comma. No matter how well intentioned his version of the Lokpal Bill maybe, this is not the right tareeka in a democracy. Nor can it work in real terms. As has been pointed out by several political analysts, checks and balances already exist in our system. It is the implementation that fails. Either we shall have to start building hundreds of new jails, or construct gigantic camps in order to accommodate all the crooks who will hopefully be exposed and punished once Saint Anna succeeds in his mission. At present, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Team Anna has described the freshly tabled Lokpal Bill as ‘anti-people’ and ‘dangerous’. Team Sonia calls it ‘strong’. A new twist ( minority quota) is being viewed as an unpleasant political game being played by the Congress for electoral benefits in 140 Muslim-dominated assembly constituencies. Which takes us right back to square one.
X’Mas is a good time to reflect and rethink. We are on the brink of a modern day battle of Kurukshetra. Except that this one will be fought electronically over social networking platforms. Words and ideas will be the weapons of mass destruction. It’s all about numbers and public opinion. A timely tweet can change history. Beware! The writing is on the wall, guys. And it is exactly 140 characters long.
I've enjoyed a really terrific one this year. As I hope you have, too! Watched Don-2 last night. Check out this space on Tuesday for more!
************
Santa Sonia Vs. Saint Anna….
Merry X’Mas, readers. What a strange season to be jolly and go ‘ho ho ho’! If we are looking for fireworks on New Year’s Eve, we’ll get them! But for now, let’s see what Santa Sonia has lined up for us in her bag of goodies. Oooops! Isn’t her customary Santa sack really tiny?More like a knapsack than a bulging- with- gifts bag one associates with a generous, large- hearted Mother X’Mas . Let’s blame it on global recession. Santa has had to tighten that belt, and slow down the sleigh. Even the poor reindeer looked lean and hungry this year. Why blame Santa Sonia? In any case, what Santa Sonia needs to pull out of that sack is a jumbo sized fire extinguisher to put out all those fires. It has been a pretty lousy year, duniya ke liye. And by the time 2011 finally comes to an end, perhaps our overcrowded jails will be overflowing - Saint Anna is at it again. And while he limbers up for yet another fast, the flock is getting impatient. Unfortunately, the Lokpal ‘Bill’-ing and cooing marathon has hit a roadblock. If Team Anna’s actual intention was to bring down the government, that hasn’t happened so far. Santa Sonia’s reindeer (read: Pranab,Digvijay and Manmohan) are going to find it tough to drag that sled over this hurdle. Most chimneys and choolahs in India have remained unused in 2011, thanks to the ridiculously high food prices. If Santa Sonia wants to bring a smile to people’s faces, she’d better pull out some loaves .Santa can’t afford to adopt the cavalier ‘Let them eat cake’ approach this time. Somehow, a ‘Cake, Kapda aur Makaan’ slogan doesn’t sound right. The natives are definitely restless, and it’s no use offering cupcakes and hot cross buns, when there is no daal-roti in the kitchen. Kharcha is on everybody’s mind, far more than an abstraction called ‘corruption’. If Santa Sonia takes up Saint Anna’s challenge to engage in a public debate (what’s the bet it will not happen?), at least the faithful will know the true position of her government. As of now, there is full on confusion, where the last person whose interests are supposedly being protected is the citizen.No jingle bells for the aam aadmi, alas. And zero governance for the country.
Young people are dying to ‘bharo’ those jails and sport trendy ‘I am Anna’ topis. That’s youth. Give them hope, package it well, arouse their sentiments, allow them to believe change is in their hands, and they’ll be prepared to fast, march, light candles, shout slogans, throw stones, take to the streets, even lay down their lives. It is a phenomenon the world has witnessed over and over again. It is this very idealism, trust and naivete that leaders capitalize on and exploit. If we are indeed heading for an ‘Indian Summer’, it will be fired up twenty-somethings who will act as the drivers. But drivers for what?Against whom? We are being brainwashed into believing this agitation is about rooting out corruption. And the only way to get that done is to push Saint Anna’s Bill through parliament without altering a comma. No matter how well intentioned his version of the Lokpal Bill maybe, this is not the right tareeka in a democracy. Nor can it work in real terms. As has been pointed out by several political analysts, checks and balances already exist in our system. It is the implementation that fails. Either we shall have to start building hundreds of new jails, or construct gigantic camps in order to accommodate all the crooks who will hopefully be exposed and punished once Saint Anna succeeds in his mission. At present, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Team Anna has described the freshly tabled Lokpal Bill as ‘anti-people’ and ‘dangerous’. Team Sonia calls it ‘strong’. A new twist ( minority quota) is being viewed as an unpleasant political game being played by the Congress for electoral benefits in 140 Muslim-dominated assembly constituencies. Which takes us right back to square one.
X’Mas is a good time to reflect and rethink. We are on the brink of a modern day battle of Kurukshetra. Except that this one will be fought electronically over social networking platforms. Words and ideas will be the weapons of mass destruction. It’s all about numbers and public opinion. A timely tweet can change history. Beware! The writing is on the wall, guys. And it is exactly 140 characters long.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Jingle Bells!
Spent a lively afternoon at Mood Indigo, billed as the world's largest youth festival. Held at the sprawling Powai campus, it was easy to fool myself I was anywhere but in Mumbai! The panel discussion was on Media Ethics and Censorship. Hmmmm. Some tough questions from the audience. Anything less would have been a disappointment~
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This appeared in Bombay Times on monday...
Jingle Bells!
Is X’Mas in the air? You tell me! Going by the December heat, it’s pretty hard to believe we are in the last few days of 2011. And as always, everybody is sighing and saying, " God! Can’t believe how fast this year has flown by…” Well, it’s been a comme- si- comme- ca year, with more ‘goodbyes’ than ‘hellos’ to mark it. Far too many legends passed away – starting with M.F. Husain and Jehangir Sabavala.These two stalwarts were the first to go, followed by Gautam Rajadhyakha, Bhupen Hazarika, Shammi Kapoor, Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi, Dev Anand and Mario Miranda. I am holding my breath and hoping we don’t receive more tragic news before the year is finally over. But at least there were two brand new celeb arrivals to cheer us up – Bitiya B, and Azad. The arrival of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s daughter was perhaps the most anticipated birth announcement ever. Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao’s little boy arrived with less fanfare but an equal amount of joy. More star babies are in the offing – Lara Dutta’s and Shilpa Shetty’s ,at last count.
The biggest surprise package (googly!) of the year turned out to be Vidya Balan, whose performance as Silk in ‘Dirty Picture’ set not just screens but collective male imagination on fire. As a mass circulated text message succinctly put it, “Critics’ verdict for ‘Dirty Picture’? Blouse-full!” Another one recommended a Best Supporting Role award for Balan’s white bra! Sandwiched between all these naughty jokes was Balan’s bindaas, uninhibited performance that won her widespread praise, not just from fans but from her own fraternity. ‘Vidya is the only hero in Bollywood’, it was dramatically declared. The statement did not go down particularly well with the male megalomaniacs in the business. Especially with those superstars who were still sulking over their own lackluster box office showings. Who would have thought a modestly budgeted movie about a dead porn star from the South, would lead to such hysteria? And who could have predicted the madness generated by a nonsensical, tuneless song that went viral? Not only has ‘Kolaveri Di’ wiped the floor with far more established competition, it has triggered off an unprecedented wave of really clever versions in countless languages. My personal favourites are the Panju and Gujju attempts. I hear the Japanese one is pretty good, too. As is the Chipmunks’ number. The Harvinder ( ‘Thappad Sardar’) Singh send-up is also excellent. With this one freak internet video hit, a semi-unknown guy has become a national figure overnight. Take a bow, Dhanush! The stupendous success of Balan and Kolaveri Di, proves just one thing: If you have it and are willing to boldly flaunt it, there are countless enthusiastic takers out there. But … you’ve got to have it in the first place. There is no explanation, no logic behind the unbelievable success of either Balan as Silk, or Dhanush and Kolaveri Di. When something goes viral, it goes viral! That’s it! No manipulation required. It is obvious we really adore our homegrown folk heroes. For all their international status and fame, a Lady Gaga leaves most Indians cold, and cannot match Vidya’s sizzle. And even a Tom Cruise needs hired fans when he comes to India, while Anil Kapoor walks away with all the attention! Ajeeb? Not really. Let’s call it confidence. We don’t need imports when our own ‘products’ are world class. Why not indulge in some chest thumping and plain jingoism as another year comes to a close?Sentimentality rocks!
*************
This appeared in Bombay Times on monday...
Jingle Bells!
Is X’Mas in the air? You tell me! Going by the December heat, it’s pretty hard to believe we are in the last few days of 2011. And as always, everybody is sighing and saying, " God! Can’t believe how fast this year has flown by…” Well, it’s been a comme- si- comme- ca year, with more ‘goodbyes’ than ‘hellos’ to mark it. Far too many legends passed away – starting with M.F. Husain and Jehangir Sabavala.These two stalwarts were the first to go, followed by Gautam Rajadhyakha, Bhupen Hazarika, Shammi Kapoor, Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi, Dev Anand and Mario Miranda. I am holding my breath and hoping we don’t receive more tragic news before the year is finally over. But at least there were two brand new celeb arrivals to cheer us up – Bitiya B, and Azad. The arrival of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s daughter was perhaps the most anticipated birth announcement ever. Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao’s little boy arrived with less fanfare but an equal amount of joy. More star babies are in the offing – Lara Dutta’s and Shilpa Shetty’s ,at last count.
The biggest surprise package (googly!) of the year turned out to be Vidya Balan, whose performance as Silk in ‘Dirty Picture’ set not just screens but collective male imagination on fire. As a mass circulated text message succinctly put it, “Critics’ verdict for ‘Dirty Picture’? Blouse-full!” Another one recommended a Best Supporting Role award for Balan’s white bra! Sandwiched between all these naughty jokes was Balan’s bindaas, uninhibited performance that won her widespread praise, not just from fans but from her own fraternity. ‘Vidya is the only hero in Bollywood’, it was dramatically declared. The statement did not go down particularly well with the male megalomaniacs in the business. Especially with those superstars who were still sulking over their own lackluster box office showings. Who would have thought a modestly budgeted movie about a dead porn star from the South, would lead to such hysteria? And who could have predicted the madness generated by a nonsensical, tuneless song that went viral? Not only has ‘Kolaveri Di’ wiped the floor with far more established competition, it has triggered off an unprecedented wave of really clever versions in countless languages. My personal favourites are the Panju and Gujju attempts. I hear the Japanese one is pretty good, too. As is the Chipmunks’ number. The Harvinder ( ‘Thappad Sardar’) Singh send-up is also excellent. With this one freak internet video hit, a semi-unknown guy has become a national figure overnight. Take a bow, Dhanush! The stupendous success of Balan and Kolaveri Di, proves just one thing: If you have it and are willing to boldly flaunt it, there are countless enthusiastic takers out there. But … you’ve got to have it in the first place. There is no explanation, no logic behind the unbelievable success of either Balan as Silk, or Dhanush and Kolaveri Di. When something goes viral, it goes viral! That’s it! No manipulation required. It is obvious we really adore our homegrown folk heroes. For all their international status and fame, a Lady Gaga leaves most Indians cold, and cannot match Vidya’s sizzle. And even a Tom Cruise needs hired fans when he comes to India, while Anil Kapoor walks away with all the attention! Ajeeb? Not really. Let’s call it confidence. We don’t need imports when our own ‘products’ are world class. Why not indulge in some chest thumping and plain jingoism as another year comes to a close?Sentimentality rocks!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Why this,why this... Fast-u, Kolaveri Di...
This appeared in the Asian Age....
Why this, why this … Fast-u, Kolaveri Di
As this dramatic year rolls to an end, I’m asking myself a searching question:To fast, or not to fast. My body says it’s a great idea and long overdue. My clothes are saying the same thing.Especially the skinny jeans. I find it extremely difficult to fast, which is one of the reasons I avoid any blood test that requires me to starve for twelve hours before the needle prick. But ‘The Fast’ phenomenon has really taken off and 2011 will be remembered as the Year of the Fast. At least, in India. Women in our society have always used fasting as an effective form of protest.Particularly women who live in joint families. Going without food is the ultimate form of sulking. For one, it is designed to make the mother-in-law look really, really bad. And two, it is a pretty smart way of grabbing the husband’s attention.Food makes for a really lethal weapon if used well against an adversary. But there is also something known as overdoing a good thing. Just as a magician loses an audience if he repeats the same trick over and over again, a person who resorts to frequent fasts in order to make a point, risks losing his or her credibility/ constituency. Anna is just this side of the divide right now. He could have achieved the same objective ( pushing his Jan Lokpal version through ) without the fast. People are now beginning to groan and say, “Oh no! Not another fast, Anna. Get over it!” Anna’s well-wishers have warned everybody about the downside to Anna going on a fast at his age. If fasting is indeed hazardous to Anna’s health, why do it? This fast business has gone well beyond symbolism or even tokenism. Anna’s latest fast ki dhamki ( starting in Mumbai on the 27th) threatens to become a parody of itself.The first time he did it, people wanted to know how long he’d be able to go without food before collapsing. It became a bit of a voyeuristic exercise. A little like going to a circus and watching a tight rope walker, half-expecting the person to fall, and feeling a little disappointed when that doesn’t happen. A well meaning advisor should inform Anna that today, the story is different and people are beginning to snigger. The average citizen admires Anna – no two ways about it. But even his most ardent admirers are questioning the wisdom behind undertaking one more fast. When that stage is reached, a protest becomes counter productive and loses its original appeal. Imagine an item girl with a huge recent hit deciding to go for the kill with another hot number. There can be no repeats of Munni or Sheila . Impact ka sawaal hai, bhai. Basic marketing gyan. Anna’s fasts are rapidly losing their novelty value. His minders must come up with a fresh idea.The fast has had its day …
Since TIME magazine has shrewdly skipped picking a known individual as the ‘Person of the Year’ and decided to give that honour to an anonymous protester ( someone who resembles a woman… is sufficiently androgynous, and therefore, guaranteed to bag a few extra brownie points), several Anna supporters have been devastated. It was being floated in the media that Anna would make it to the much awaited TIME cover as ‘Man of the Year’. Now we discover poor Anna didn’t make it even to the short list, which featured Kate Middleton, if you please!But the Chinese must be rejoicing over the exclusion of dissident artist Ai Weiwei, who came in at number 3. Had Anna made it to the cover, it would have served as a gigantic boost to his cause. As of now, Anna himself sounds a little disoriented as he issues all kinds of statements, taking on the holiest of the holy cows in India ( read: Sonia). Anna’s critics insist he is being spoon-fed by his team.There is also widespread belief that the tempo will be stepped up closer to the date ( 27th December), and Anna will boldly venture into territories others justifiably fear. The thinking behind this is pretty obvious. Anna’s public support makes him an untouchable. Nobody will dare move against Anna. He will remain above and beyond arrest, no matter what he says in front of television cameras. With Anna enjoying such a privileged status, it is inevitable that he will be urged to articulate a few home truths that can badly hurt those in high places (the highest!). At the moment, Anna enjoys total immunity and taking a panga with him is considered bad news.
The year ender from TIME, is an eagerly awaited global event. There have been several ‘misses’ in the recent past, including the issue with Barack Obama as ‘The Person of the Year’ (2008) . Had he been given the honour this year after finishing off Osama Bin Laden ( though Admiral William McRaven, head of US Special Operations Command and overall commander of the secret al Qaeda mission into Pakistan, did come in at the number 2 position in the nominations), nobody would have raised objections. But… imaginatively and rightfully, it was The Protester who won hands down. Anna’s fans need not despair. Anna is going to win practically every version of the Indian of the Year award. Anna is the face of protest for over a billion people. Even if Anna does not fully succeed in starting an unstoppable war against corruption and the corrupt, he will have reserved his place in history. But beyond that, he would also have won the gratitude of a nation fatigued and frustrated by the cancer of corruption that has corroded India. Has the tipping point been reached? We’ll know on the 27th. Till then, let us chorus, ‘Why this… why this… fast-u, kolaveri di?”
Why this, why this … Fast-u, Kolaveri Di
As this dramatic year rolls to an end, I’m asking myself a searching question:To fast, or not to fast. My body says it’s a great idea and long overdue. My clothes are saying the same thing.Especially the skinny jeans. I find it extremely difficult to fast, which is one of the reasons I avoid any blood test that requires me to starve for twelve hours before the needle prick. But ‘The Fast’ phenomenon has really taken off and 2011 will be remembered as the Year of the Fast. At least, in India. Women in our society have always used fasting as an effective form of protest.Particularly women who live in joint families. Going without food is the ultimate form of sulking. For one, it is designed to make the mother-in-law look really, really bad. And two, it is a pretty smart way of grabbing the husband’s attention.Food makes for a really lethal weapon if used well against an adversary. But there is also something known as overdoing a good thing. Just as a magician loses an audience if he repeats the same trick over and over again, a person who resorts to frequent fasts in order to make a point, risks losing his or her credibility/ constituency. Anna is just this side of the divide right now. He could have achieved the same objective ( pushing his Jan Lokpal version through ) without the fast. People are now beginning to groan and say, “Oh no! Not another fast, Anna. Get over it!” Anna’s well-wishers have warned everybody about the downside to Anna going on a fast at his age. If fasting is indeed hazardous to Anna’s health, why do it? This fast business has gone well beyond symbolism or even tokenism. Anna’s latest fast ki dhamki ( starting in Mumbai on the 27th) threatens to become a parody of itself.The first time he did it, people wanted to know how long he’d be able to go without food before collapsing. It became a bit of a voyeuristic exercise. A little like going to a circus and watching a tight rope walker, half-expecting the person to fall, and feeling a little disappointed when that doesn’t happen. A well meaning advisor should inform Anna that today, the story is different and people are beginning to snigger. The average citizen admires Anna – no two ways about it. But even his most ardent admirers are questioning the wisdom behind undertaking one more fast. When that stage is reached, a protest becomes counter productive and loses its original appeal. Imagine an item girl with a huge recent hit deciding to go for the kill with another hot number. There can be no repeats of Munni or Sheila . Impact ka sawaal hai, bhai. Basic marketing gyan. Anna’s fasts are rapidly losing their novelty value. His minders must come up with a fresh idea.The fast has had its day …
Since TIME magazine has shrewdly skipped picking a known individual as the ‘Person of the Year’ and decided to give that honour to an anonymous protester ( someone who resembles a woman… is sufficiently androgynous, and therefore, guaranteed to bag a few extra brownie points), several Anna supporters have been devastated. It was being floated in the media that Anna would make it to the much awaited TIME cover as ‘Man of the Year’. Now we discover poor Anna didn’t make it even to the short list, which featured Kate Middleton, if you please!But the Chinese must be rejoicing over the exclusion of dissident artist Ai Weiwei, who came in at number 3. Had Anna made it to the cover, it would have served as a gigantic boost to his cause. As of now, Anna himself sounds a little disoriented as he issues all kinds of statements, taking on the holiest of the holy cows in India ( read: Sonia). Anna’s critics insist he is being spoon-fed by his team.There is also widespread belief that the tempo will be stepped up closer to the date ( 27th December), and Anna will boldly venture into territories others justifiably fear. The thinking behind this is pretty obvious. Anna’s public support makes him an untouchable. Nobody will dare move against Anna. He will remain above and beyond arrest, no matter what he says in front of television cameras. With Anna enjoying such a privileged status, it is inevitable that he will be urged to articulate a few home truths that can badly hurt those in high places (the highest!). At the moment, Anna enjoys total immunity and taking a panga with him is considered bad news.
The year ender from TIME, is an eagerly awaited global event. There have been several ‘misses’ in the recent past, including the issue with Barack Obama as ‘The Person of the Year’ (2008) . Had he been given the honour this year after finishing off Osama Bin Laden ( though Admiral William McRaven, head of US Special Operations Command and overall commander of the secret al Qaeda mission into Pakistan, did come in at the number 2 position in the nominations), nobody would have raised objections. But… imaginatively and rightfully, it was The Protester who won hands down. Anna’s fans need not despair. Anna is going to win practically every version of the Indian of the Year award. Anna is the face of protest for over a billion people. Even if Anna does not fully succeed in starting an unstoppable war against corruption and the corrupt, he will have reserved his place in history. But beyond that, he would also have won the gratitude of a nation fatigued and frustrated by the cancer of corruption that has corroded India. Has the tipping point been reached? We’ll know on the 27th. Till then, let us chorus, ‘Why this… why this… fast-u, kolaveri di?”
Friday, December 16, 2011
When all else fails, try sequels!
I am off to Pune for the weekend. Since Mumbai's elusive 'winter'( ha!) has done the disappearing act so far, I'm hoping for at least a respectable nip in the air during my short stay at one of my all-time favourite cities.More on my return...
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This appeared in 'Hi! Blitz!"
When all else fails, try sequels!
Had Manmohan Desai been alive today, I would have requested him to make a sequel to his superhit movie, ‘Amar,Akbar,Anthony’. Sequels are the flavour of the season.Everone is making one! When all other ideas dry up, announce a sequel. But the case of ‘AAA’ is significantly different. It is an iconic movie, like ‘Sholay’. A re-make with a twist would be so apt… and so much fun! My suggestion is slightly hat ke. I would love to see a female version with three top heroines playing those madcap roles – Kareena Kapoor,Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra . The film could be titled, ‘‘ Aru,Asmi,Amanda,” and their romantic partners could be unknown hunks looking for a break ( since no self- respecting actor takes on sidey roles). Unfortunately, such a project will never get off the ground, since desi producers are of the firm belief there is no audience for full on,female-centric films.Bollywood is mard-driven. It’s one of those quirky beliefs. Television soaps thrive on women.Bollywood movies, on testosterone. Heroes call the shots in tinseltown, always have, always will. And there it remains. Actresses earn a fraction of the fees made by their co-stars. Even those fees hinge on which hero agrees to work with them. Weird but true. Weirder, but equally true, is the fate of top female politicians. The three women chief ministers India is currently dealing with - Mamata Banerjee (‘Didi’), Jayalalitha (‘Amma’) and Mayawati (‘ Behenji’), could also feature in ‘Amar,Akbar,Anthony’. They have star value and all three are single ( an enormous advantage, even a prerequisite for heroines). But as in Bollywood, so also in politics, these power ladies cannot pull it off on their own. What is interesting is the way we have converted the three of them into our ‘relatives’ – two ‘sisters’ and a ‘mother’. By co-opting them as family members, we have placed them in elevated positions that come with a great deal of emotional and moral responsibility. How can older sisters and a mother let us down? Conversely, how can we show disrespect to women from our own family - even if the same women behave in a despotic, high- handed way? Didi was recently dubbed a ‘fascist’ by the legendary writer, Mahashweta Devi. Enough is known about Behenji’s tyrannical ways ( she thinks nothing of slapping senior male bureaucrats in public). As for Amma – God help you if you annoy this autocrat ( Kani realized this a bit late in the day). But we say nothing. They are family!
Strange, in a country where we have very visible, very in your face women leaders in positions of enormous authority ( Meira Kumar, Pratibha Patil, Sonia Gandhi ), when it comes to the real thing, we still fall back on our patriarchal roots. Foreigners are frequently perplexed by these obvious contradictions. The only way to make some sense out of such mixed signals is to confuse foreigners still further by bringing mythology into it and discussing the Goddess Cult. Ditto for Bollywood. Today, the parallels between Bollywood and Politics are something else, particularly with so many women dominating both fields. One just has to look beyond India, to realize what an achievement this is, even if, at present, the numbers have more cosmetic value and less clout than one would expect. In terms of hysterics and histrionics, it’s hard to beat Mamata. She writes her own dialogues and delivers her lines without any retakes. Mayawati is like Gabbar Singh – people from her State, invoke her name to scare children and get them to sleep on time. Amma can take on Mogambo. The day she says (in Tamil, of course) , “Amma Kush hui,” ) , fawning courtiers will let out a collective breath and attack their curd- rice with gusto. With her Mollywood background, Amma understands one basic thing : the medium is the message. She also understands “Lights. Camera. Action.’’ Playing to the galleries comes naturally to her. Voice modulation is her forte. Mamata is out of control, screeching like a banshee – but that too is a carefully thought through performance that wows her jatra-loving constituency. Behenji just has to lift her index finger and point. Khallas. That person is dead meat. She can also swing her handbag ( stuffed with notes) and use it as a ready weapon . Compared to these three ‘Negative Role’ women, our Bollywood girls are pussycats . Bipasha’s biceps threaten no one – not even John. Kangana’s pout ( plump and pumped up) is about as lethal as a blow with a bag of popcorn. Kareena’s eyes can kill with one look, but come on, for all her ‘Chhamak Chhalo-ing’, she is not in the running, having been claimed by Saif years ago. And Katrina is sweeter than a cupcake or a La Duree macaroon… the only thing she can give someone is diabetes. So…how about it, Ketan Desai? ‘Amar,Akbar,Anthony’ ka female sequel ho jaye??
*******************
This appeared in 'Hi! Blitz!"
When all else fails, try sequels!
Had Manmohan Desai been alive today, I would have requested him to make a sequel to his superhit movie, ‘Amar,Akbar,Anthony’. Sequels are the flavour of the season.Everone is making one! When all other ideas dry up, announce a sequel. But the case of ‘AAA’ is significantly different. It is an iconic movie, like ‘Sholay’. A re-make with a twist would be so apt… and so much fun! My suggestion is slightly hat ke. I would love to see a female version with three top heroines playing those madcap roles – Kareena Kapoor,Katrina Kaif and Priyanka Chopra . The film could be titled, ‘‘ Aru,Asmi,Amanda,” and their romantic partners could be unknown hunks looking for a break ( since no self- respecting actor takes on sidey roles). Unfortunately, such a project will never get off the ground, since desi producers are of the firm belief there is no audience for full on,female-centric films.Bollywood is mard-driven. It’s one of those quirky beliefs. Television soaps thrive on women.Bollywood movies, on testosterone. Heroes call the shots in tinseltown, always have, always will. And there it remains. Actresses earn a fraction of the fees made by their co-stars. Even those fees hinge on which hero agrees to work with them. Weird but true. Weirder, but equally true, is the fate of top female politicians. The three women chief ministers India is currently dealing with - Mamata Banerjee (‘Didi’), Jayalalitha (‘Amma’) and Mayawati (‘ Behenji’), could also feature in ‘Amar,Akbar,Anthony’. They have star value and all three are single ( an enormous advantage, even a prerequisite for heroines). But as in Bollywood, so also in politics, these power ladies cannot pull it off on their own. What is interesting is the way we have converted the three of them into our ‘relatives’ – two ‘sisters’ and a ‘mother’. By co-opting them as family members, we have placed them in elevated positions that come with a great deal of emotional and moral responsibility. How can older sisters and a mother let us down? Conversely, how can we show disrespect to women from our own family - even if the same women behave in a despotic, high- handed way? Didi was recently dubbed a ‘fascist’ by the legendary writer, Mahashweta Devi. Enough is known about Behenji’s tyrannical ways ( she thinks nothing of slapping senior male bureaucrats in public). As for Amma – God help you if you annoy this autocrat ( Kani realized this a bit late in the day). But we say nothing. They are family!
Strange, in a country where we have very visible, very in your face women leaders in positions of enormous authority ( Meira Kumar, Pratibha Patil, Sonia Gandhi ), when it comes to the real thing, we still fall back on our patriarchal roots. Foreigners are frequently perplexed by these obvious contradictions. The only way to make some sense out of such mixed signals is to confuse foreigners still further by bringing mythology into it and discussing the Goddess Cult. Ditto for Bollywood. Today, the parallels between Bollywood and Politics are something else, particularly with so many women dominating both fields. One just has to look beyond India, to realize what an achievement this is, even if, at present, the numbers have more cosmetic value and less clout than one would expect. In terms of hysterics and histrionics, it’s hard to beat Mamata. She writes her own dialogues and delivers her lines without any retakes. Mayawati is like Gabbar Singh – people from her State, invoke her name to scare children and get them to sleep on time. Amma can take on Mogambo. The day she says (in Tamil, of course) , “Amma Kush hui,” ) , fawning courtiers will let out a collective breath and attack their curd- rice with gusto. With her Mollywood background, Amma understands one basic thing : the medium is the message. She also understands “Lights. Camera. Action.’’ Playing to the galleries comes naturally to her. Voice modulation is her forte. Mamata is out of control, screeching like a banshee – but that too is a carefully thought through performance that wows her jatra-loving constituency. Behenji just has to lift her index finger and point. Khallas. That person is dead meat. She can also swing her handbag ( stuffed with notes) and use it as a ready weapon . Compared to these three ‘Negative Role’ women, our Bollywood girls are pussycats . Bipasha’s biceps threaten no one – not even John. Kangana’s pout ( plump and pumped up) is about as lethal as a blow with a bag of popcorn. Kareena’s eyes can kill with one look, but come on, for all her ‘Chhamak Chhalo-ing’, she is not in the running, having been claimed by Saif years ago. And Katrina is sweeter than a cupcake or a La Duree macaroon… the only thing she can give someone is diabetes. So…how about it, Ketan Desai? ‘Amar,Akbar,Anthony’ ka female sequel ho jaye??
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