Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Kuch Kam tha Kaminey mein...

So what was missing?? I'm still scratching my head, trying to put my finger on it. I watched what is being hailed as the 'Best Film of 2009' ( come on guys, we are only in August!) on monday at Inox, 5.40 pm show. The hall wasn't even half full. Word of mouth already?? I met a friend in the lobby. She'd seen an earlier show. I could tell from her expression she wasn't exactly ecstatic. She smiled sweetly when I asked, " Liked it?" and said, " Theek, theek.... but I can't understand why it was given 4 stars by the critics." I told her these days every third film gets 4 stars - doesn't mean a thing. Georgia coffee and popcorn in hand, I went and took my seat expectantly. Opening scenes?? So-so. It will get better, I said. It has to. Shahid No.1 comes on looking like ... Shahid No. 2, 3, 4, and 5. The same floppy , coloured hair, the same cute smile. It will get better, I said. The popcorn was 1\3rd over. Priyanka comes on next. She is called Sweety. Oh Oh. Wrong name. Never met a Maharashtrian girl called Sweety. Now there are two Sweeties ( Shahid No.1 and her). Priyanka gets knocked up by the Sweety who forgot to wear a condom. He 's the one who lisps... no stutters... no, lisps. Stutters. Lisps. Stutters. Forget it. Does it really matter? Well, to the dumb cops it does.
It will get better, I said, through gritted teeth. Both the Sweeties are dancing. And someone somewhere is strumming a guitar that's filled with snow... you know... cocaine. The disjointed script trundles along at a lunatic pace.... and goes nowhere. Shahid No. 2 is a baddie. How do we know?? He scowls and wears blinkers as he tries to out race a horse during the Derby. It will get better, I said. My popcorn is running out. So is my patience. Sweety Priyanka's demented brother ( Raj Thackeray, do you love your ridiculous send- up or do you love it??), decides he wants the guitar and all three Sweeties for himself. There is news for him - some Black dudes from Angola want ditto ditto. Mr. Floppy Hair is still stuttering\lisping\sluttering, while the preggie bride is going berserk with a sten gun. By now I'm ready to accept it is not going to get better.
Gawd!!! Could this be the same man who made the brilliant and visually stunning 'Omkara'? Bollywood has FINALLY got to Vishal Bhardwaj. 'Kaminey' ??? Neigh, neigh.

42 comments:

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

(But it certainly did take media attention away from Shahid Kapur and his ‘Kaminey’, which is likely to become the biggest blockbuster of all time. Smart.)
- previous post.

SRK - aiweeee halla karda hai.
Hajmola-Sir-Hajmola !!!

Priyanka said...

Oh my God! He tries to out race a horse??? Thats the scene in the trailer???

I sooo wanted to see this movie. But now, this is the fourth not-so-rave review I'm reading! :(

kala said...

This is what I wanted to hear, a real review. Life Partner atleast does not pretend and so ok. Why did the critics get overboard with this pathetic movie? Thanks for an honest review. All thunder and lightning and no rain.

Shaunak said...

Back fresh from the late night show of Kaminey with the exact thoughts ringing in my head.
Pret-ty disjointed storyline. Bad guy wants Lisp but ends up with Stutter, maharashtrian polit wants Stutter but ends up with Lisp. They exchange. Then get exchanged back. Two gangs fire at each other. Enter third gang and everything's ablaze.
It's like ping pong with guns.

Best part of the movie was the camera angles and photography.

GNSD said...

I actually disagreee.... i think its a pretty decent movie. Shahid is very well away from the chocolate boy looks he is always shown as and we are so bored of.
I would call this movie in the genre of Crime-Comedy.. and not the slapstick one.. which is a good thing. I could actually sit in a movie and enjoy the fast pace, and the growing confusion, and laugh at the lisps and stutters.. and wait for the next scene! Actually the finale shot of the entire gand war! Was comical.. and i dont think Vishal B. was trying to portray it as a serious one!
The performance of all the side actors, Michail, the Bhau, the Diamond stealer fell right into place especially since they are pretty unfamiliar faces.
The scene of bhau and Michail teasing the gun and dancing.. is very good. The Bong dacoits yes, they are funny!!!
The scene of Shahid running with the horses.. was not a race.. my take on it, was beautifully depicted.. he is focused has blinkers.. and just running towards his finish line.. without even looking anywhere else.. goes with the baddy personality for sure!
Over all.. a good watch.. and defi a breather from the masala movie.. but yes.. the name for Priyanka should not have been Sweety.. agreed.. I defi did enjoy the popcorn with the movie!

The Panorama said...

Ha ha ...good review!! I was considering watching it but changed my mind after reading your post:)

ZB said...

@Panorama: Dont decide based on any review. The movie is definitely worth a watch. I liked it. Of course there are flaws, but its a movie, and a movie is a movie. :)

Snigdha said...

Oh no...I was sure you will love this movie. After ages,we got to see a movie that does not insult the intelligence of viewers. It was an edgy, different, racy and engaging movie. The four stars are totally justifiable. I loved it. Think of movies like Om Shanti Om and Rab ne bana ddi jodi and you will experience a sense of respect for Vishal and his genre of films.

Lisa said...

Mani Ratnam did the "Maharashtra chauvinist baddie" bit better in "Guru," I think.

jus me... said...

yeah i definitely guess the movie will not appeal to any morons who prefer bollywood to stick to the popcorn boy falls in love et all flick and never even heard of slick movies made by Tarantino etc.
I'm not comparing it to Tarantino movie but it is sleek, has a subtle plot and beautifully shot action scenes.
And no, he is not trying to race with horses.

Vee said...

How many Maharashtrians you know that you can say 'never met a marathi girl named Sweety.' Thats irrational.

You like ur New Yucks (New York) and Kambakht Ishqs way too much and adorn them duds with 4 stars.

Ever seen a Nuri Blige or Tarantino? Guess never... Thats why.

Vikas said...

Very disappointing review Ms Dee. If you only have an acquired taste for movies, why review all of them, let the critics do that. This is a badass movie, one of its kinds for Hindi cinema; it is not the movie's fault if you did not get it.

parwatisingari said...

anyway it would be better than DevD, at least we know its a shut your brain movie.
from the sound of it vishal bhardwaj has got over Shakespear and is trying out PG wodehouse-- now I get it, a midsummer nights dream.

A said...

Goodness, Shobhha, was a mean-spirited review! You didn't like Love Aaj Kal or Kaminey....not that they were masterpieces, but I thought they were well above the average and had some freshness and originality....which, to be a little mean-spirited myself, is way more than one can say about any of the bodice-ripping, Jackie Collins imitations that you have written (going by as much as I could bear to read, which was usually 2-3 chapters). You have a pretty superior point-of-view on almost everything, could you measure up to your own exacting standards?

Vikas said...

A loved your comment....time Ms Dee did a reality check!

gb said...

bibB received 1124 comments while your this piece got only 15. why?
Your blog also seems similar to quality of 'kaminey' which u have reviewed. The moment big B's blog is out daily, hundreds of comments are ready to pour in. why? there must be something magnetic in his aproach. have u ever analysed? Ofcourse i am fan of your writings and do read your articles anxiously.
g.b.pathak

gb said...

bibB received 1124 comments while your this piece got only 15. why?
Your blog also seems similar to quality of 'kaminey' which u have reviewed. The moment big B's blog is out daily, hundreds of comments are ready to pour in. why? there must be something magnetic in his aproach. have u ever analysed? Ofcourse i am fan of your writings and do read your articles anxiously.
g.b.pathak

kala said...

1124. But I prefer to comment here because my comment is not lost in a sea of comments. Shobhaa can read each and every comment. Here we can mildly criticise her and she will not mind it so much. And we are not in awe of her. Rather we admire her. We are not forced to praise her to be in her good books. And there is variety and unpredictability of a woman here which is quite attractive.

manish said...

were you spaced out when you watched this movie, madam cynic? i suggest you go and watch it again, in a better frame of mind and you'll get all that you missed at first. and you really have a grouse against mainstream bollywood stars, have'nt you? any past rejections?

Gajendra said...

achcha nehi hain kya......oh no.....

Mariya said...

With all due respect to your opinion ma'am, the movie certainly wasn't as bad as you project it.
And why would you contradict yourself in two successive posts. I was expecting a better review from you, But you are entitled to your opinion, so all's well :)

Nishit said...

Thanks for posting your review...i was planning to go for the kaminey thus weekend but nw i would download it and see at home with no worry of losing 100 bugs on a crap like kaminey......

Vikas Chandra said...

the only review I wud finally agree with....

I guess it hurts more when u expect more from a movie...

MOHAMMED FARHAN KHAN said...

hmmm...i havn't seen yet ...but believe so from critics that it will be muchhh muchhhh better than ...kambhakt ishq and all ....

*Aham* said...

thats what one of my friends told me.. that it should be called - haseena and not kameena.(kaminey) lol.

Speaking of the condom thing... Condom the word doesnt get an A certificate now a days.. even the other C word doesnt get an A certificate.. we live in an era where kids ask.. "is this a condom balloon"



Speaking about Priyanka... I heard that she plays a very bold part...

we once glamorized the sati savitri image... now is teh age of the Slutty Savita...

Bollywood has come of age.

Suresh Mathew said...

Shobha, there's a reason why you couldn't go beyond writing stuff like 'Starry Nights', 'Socialite Evenings' and so on... and it reflects amply on your 'review' of 'Kaminey'. Just let it be!

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krish said...

hy thr...

Common babes i disagree .....it is actually a damm good moive..................way ahead of its time......anyway.......v all hav likes and dislikes.......remember u did not like dev d too.......de it seems u more into kjo stuff.....

luv

kris

Gulshan said...

That was a harsh review Shobha darling wink wink…
U guys get a grip Shobha is just saying that the hyspe doesn’t translates into the movie..

Thank God I saw it on Friday without the hoopla and thought it was a good time pass… but later on listening to all the FANATSTIC reviews I was scratching my head ..did I c the same movie lol

I THINK VISHAL deserves applaud for just naming his movie KAMINEY !! and the movie has a philosophy

part 2 -

Have u ever read the Cheesy comments on BIG B site..wth morons replying totally out of context as if they r writing letter to God almighty//atleast here u know u can speak ur mind… andd oooooooo AB wl stop writing if people wl comment in bad way..oOOllooo loo some moral policing in blogs 2…. HYPOCRIT saala :)

Sun said...

shobhaa de, age has caught up with you! kaminey is a fab film.

Jogeshwar said...

What's wrong with Indian filmmakers, why do they still ridicule stuttering?? This is the only disability some people still laugh at. It is not fun, watching such a film is a very uncomfortable experience for a person who stutters. From time immemorial - they have often been misjudged as fools, psychopaths and figures of ridicule in our society. Literature, film, newspaper and television repeatedly take up and even intensify these wrong, one-sided and distorted pictures. People who stutter are often discriminated against. They often cannot go into normal social interactions. They sometimes attempt, or even commit suicide.

Rinu said...

if its a gud movie,the sound cud go off and the audience would still have a perfectly clear idea of what is going on....

arrey,aaj kal aise hardly films hote hain jisme kuch dhum hain...

honestly speaking,hindi movies has bcum a complete masala based ones with no themes at all...

apart frm the yesteryear classics as'abhimaan','aradhana','aandhi' and yes,of thre semi recent lot,i guess'kya kehna'gained applause and helped in creating an awareness amng the yngsters...'baghban' had a theme,but the way it was portrayed was wildly terrific/amazing..he he

there is not a single movie in list worth whiling away our time.I personally,would like our bollywood directors to grow up and generate matured films with the ral thing(theme)...running around the trees,walking around in mauritius,spain or wearing semi clad dresses and skiing does not hit reality...life is all about challenges that meet with bitter hardships.ofcourse,movies are meant to be entertainer,therefore,apart from humour,i guess ther cud be a little inputs abt the real life like circumstances too...isn't it?..the 'hardships' has to be emoted well and shown to the public,there lies the creativity.I bet this will surely be a challenging one for the nexgen directors...!

Gud write-up SD,such honest and satirical criticism,should atleast hit the heads of the movie makers,who consider the audiences as a mere lump of solid clay...!!

Sidhusaaheb said...

Well, after all, Omkara was scripted by Ol' Will. Wasn't it?

:D

mahatru said...

OMG! Abhie takk jitne bhi reviews padhe all r praising "Kaminey" but i think this one is different .....

We were planning to go for this movie tomorrow parr lagta hai abb nai. If Vishal Bhardwaj will know so many ppl cancelled their plans after reading your review He'll raise objection on your blog.....hahaha
"But you are a big girl now so can handle controversies"

Typically liked scarcsm in "3 sweeties"

Healthiest Regards
Movies in Chennai

Sun said...

for those of you looking for perspective, check out Shekhar Kapur's review of Kaminey on www.shekharkapur.com

minticetea said...

I haven't watched the movie yet...but yes... have heard a lot about it...and that's why also expecting a lot... :/ ... seems like 2009 has been a cursed year for bollywood... haven't seen any bolly movie this year so far, which i would like to watch ever again :/.

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

finally And :

Kaminey - The movie seems to be different because it generates the shadow of fear but above all the continuity - claps for the editor.
And yes, Vishal jee - good job if not excellent.
Because it could be much better if love angle was as powerfully emotional as Charlie - The bad character.
Last 10 minutes or so - it is another movie or so called bollywood movie And momentum is lost. The music reminds me Late R.D. Burman sahab.
Priyanka - Excellent.
***star if not ****
Cheers !!!
But yes, violence should be less if possible.

Rolly said...

Hi, I watched the movie this weekend. And am sorry to say that, movie was much much much better than your reviews. I completly disagree with your reviews, and i guess you were sleeping while watching movie thts why u got confused

ANAGHA said...

I do NOT agree 1 bit with the reviewer, Shobha De....
I fail to understand how can she so outrightly reject this movie....

Vishal Bharadwaj like always DID impress...
In a different way this time...

God level direction and awesome plot...
A lil too violent but message is conveyed perfectly...

I would give it 8.5/10

athi said...

well not a mind-blowing movie or anything... but better than so many I have seen in recent times.

And its heartening to see shahid do something other than dancing and romancing. Priyanka had a blink and miss role, but loved her calculating bitchy part.

Nishant said...

well all i can say dat u ddnt go for the detailings the movie had..or u wern't interestd in the movie form the very beginnin...well ur point of view but pointless...

maha said...

the trailers are very well ....

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