It will happen a few minutes from now. Mumbai's stunning Sea Link will be bathed in a pink glow. It's a part of the global Breast Cancer Awareness Initiative.
This appeared in The Week....
Alright, the whole world has seen the royal bum. And then some more. So?Apart from the churlish response of some obscure Irish editor, the others have reacted with mild amusement. Nobody has died of shock so far. Poor Kate… is the general feeling about ‘those’ naughty pictures. In this era of zero privacy for public figures, it comes as no surprise that the future Queen of England was the target of a particularly adventurous paparazzo who’d positioned himself strategically across a chateau where the young royals were taking a break, armed with modern day’s most lethal weapon – a telephoto lens. It’s a no brainer! Had it not been this particular photographer’s ingenuity, a press party in a chopper, hungrily circling over the private property where Kate was airing her body parts would have managed a sizzling scoop, too. This is how it goes in today’s ferociously competitive times. A photo-op like this one comes but once in a journalist’s career. These are professional peeping toms who make a living out of snooping on celebrity antics. Big money, combined with vicarious thrills provided by such pictures, feeds an entire industry devoted to juicy gossip. That the ‘victim’ this time happened to be Kate Middleton, should come as no surprise. She is one of the most watched human beings on earth. In much the same way as Princess Diana, her late mother-in-law once was. Scandalous photographs of Britain’s royals at play have become a staple for tabloids across the world. Kate is young, hot, newly married and obviously in love with her husband. That the Brits are obsessed with her… and sun bathing, is not a new discovery, either, given their wretched weather and equally wretched mood. Anybody who understands the rules of tanning knows there is nothing worse than a partial tan. A good tan has to be an all over tan.Kate clearly believes in getting her tan right. For that to happen, she has to lose her bikini top. Plus, the bottom. How else can the royal buns look appropriately baked?
As always, the old girl ( Queen Elizabeth) has maintained a stiff upper lip and left it to her staff to get into action. Frankly, had the royal couple laughed it off , the world would have reacted equally casually. But William has been wrongly advised – yet again! It was really silly of him to get all huffy over his wife’s bare body being ogled at and worse, commented on, by readers of racy Italian magazines. By protesting and sending a legal notice, those candid pictures have acquired a great deal of importance. Let’s be honest : what’s the big fuss all about? Have we not seen tits and ass before Kate’s assets became public property? The internet is clogged with nanga pictures of celebrities – sports stars, movie stars, politicians, rock stars, models…it’s come to the point where one can dial-a-nude.A big ticket nude, at that. Moral huffing and puffing about indignity, intrusion, ignominy, vaghera –vaghera, is so last century. Given all the hi-tech hardware so freely available in the market, plus, the all pervasive presence of spies- in –the- skies, it’s a wonder we didn’t get images of the royal suhaag raat itself. Or perhaps, I have spoken too soon. Poor Princess Diana was betrayed by her butler, bodyguard and chamber maid. Who knows? Perhaps there was a royal footmen hiding under the four poster on their wedding night recording every moan and groan on his nifty camera phone? Meanwhile, reactions to the debacle on countless digital platforms have been most telling. The really offensive pictures (according to those who post irreverent opinions by the micro-second), aren’t the ones that expose Kate’s bootylicious anatomy. They are the ones of the couple being carried in a palanquin by natives during their post-scandal trip to the islands. The royal backside is fully covered, as is the royal head in Malaysia. But somehow, the obscenity of the images strikes a lot of people as being far more offensive in what it conveys. Did William and Kate have any say in those photo-ops? Unlikely. By the same argument, did the two lovebirds have anything to do with the exposed ass shots? Nope. They were caught on the wrong foot by an intrepid lensman. Such are the travails of 21st century celebrityhood. Kate should remain above and beyond it all. Her late mother-in-law had a superb body that she happily flaunted. Kate’s is pretty good , too. As they say… when you’ve got it… you know the rest.
Moral of the story: next time Kate, find yourself a sanitized tanning parlour. Better still, opt for a sprayed on tan- from -a -can.