Sunday, November 11, 2012

Nitin Gadkari flunks his I.Q. test.....


This is my Laddoo eating her laddoo , while Aditya, her proud
''Mamuji"' looks on....
 Happy Dhanteras, Blogdosts! May Goddess Lakshmi step into your home tonight, and never leave...
                                        ***********************
This appeared in the Sunday Times today....
                                                                      Nitin Gadkari flunks his I.Q. test…
I was having my usual Sunday morning chat with Dawood Mamu,while he was enjoying a spa treatment in Dubai. He sounded rather annoyed. And when Dawood Mamu gets annoyed ,as we well know by now, hotels and stations blow up in Mumbai. Sensing the dangerous mood, I tried to divert his attention by discussing the latest James Bond movie. Had he watched ‘Skyfall’ and ordered a couple of Komodo Lizards for himself? Just to break the monotony of crushing bones manually? He was not amused. He witheringly reminded me that all those absurdly exaggerated 007 feats were nothing but amateurish screen  acts. Real men didn’t go for such childish stunts. Or high tech special effects. Real men did what real men had to – 26/11 ki yaad hai? Besides… he was now a changed man concentrating on giving back to society. Oh dear! That  sounded  ominous.And seemed even more menacing than his old, wonderful plots to fix those he didn’t particularly like. With ‘that date’ round the corner, this was not the time to jest with Dawood Mamu. So, I switched gears and asked in my sweetest tone why he was upset. And I could hear my friend instruct the masseur to stop pummeling his strained neck muscles while he bellowed, “Who is this man I am being compared to by that chap Nitin bhai?” I said, “ Please don’t refer to our highly respected leader as a ‘Bhai’. Nitin Gadkari is loved and admired by millions of people in India. And the rest, don’t count. The person he compared your good self to, is Vivekananda. Often referred to as Swami Vivekanand.” Dawood Mamu paused momentarily before demanding, “ Uska mobile number de do… woh.. woh…Viveka… jo kuch bhi hai. I want to talk to him. Is he an actor or a cricketer?” I hesitated before clarifying, he was neither an actor, nor a cricketer. And it was not possible to pass on his mobile number. Dawood  Mamu roared and refused to let me carry on . “ Everything is possible! Samjhi?  I am giving you an hour. Swamiji ka number dhoondo… varna.”
When we resumed our interrupted chat a little later, he seemed  calmer. He said he had found out from his khaas sources why he couldn’t reach Vivekananda. But was now keen to have a small tete –a- tete with Nitin Bhai ( he was still calling him ‘Bhai’). For starters, he wanted to know what the meaning of I.Q. was, and whether the initials were a code for something highly confidential only known to our agencies but not to the ISI. “ I.Q. ka matlab?” I attempted to decode the initials. But Dawood was on his own trip. “ I want to meet this man who is comparing me to some dead Indian person, I am not aware of. My izzat is damaged. I only know and care about Bollywood stars and Cricket khiladis. This comparison is not good. Mera bahut bada insult ho gaya hai. And when someone insults me so directly, I have to react equally directly. Give me Nitin Bhai’s mobile number.” I mentioned it was Diwali in India. And Nitin Gadkari was not available… he was busy defusing several bombs. As were most of his colleagues, regardless of the party they belonged to. Dawood Mamu offered to send a few specially created bombs across the border. It was his contribution, he said, to make sure there were enough fireworks during this season. But he still wanted a private chat with the heavyweight who had dared to make such an odious comparison. “Today, it is some Indian saint…. tomorrow it could be Gandhi. Not the bachcha. But the Mahatma. This has created a problem for me with my friends and allies across the world. My position becomes dheela with such talk.I want to explain that to your Nitin Bhai… before it’s too late. For him, I mean.”
I tried to tell Dawood Mamu that in India we don’t spoil anybody’s happiness during the Festival of Lights by bringing up unpleasant topics. Gadkariji has clarified and the matter of his own I.Q. has been settled. But, if Dawood Mamu was interested, I could set up phone calls with Nitinji’s core team of advisers, consultants and business associates, like his driver, cook, car washer, dhobi, barber, peon. When Dawood Mamu laughed, I told him to relax. This was no joke. He could verify for himself. We respect share holders and company directors in India. And only a person with a staggeringly high I.Q. would make such inspired appointments of and create companies for those he admires and trusts – like his personal staff. Dawood Mamu was not entirely convinced. “Ask your Nitin Bhai to meet me in Dubai. I’ll give him a Diwali tofaa he won’t forget. And just by the way… who is this chap called Kejriwal?  Assange ka brother hai, kya? Why does he whistle so much??? Do you have his mobile number?”
What a Diwali! Bombs,bombs everywhere… no place to hide!

20 comments:

Faraz Salat said...

You should have left Kejriwal, Gadkari, Man Mohan, Advani and Subramaniam and many politicians and activists' contact numbers who have made a mockery of our country. Btw a nicely written hypothetical piece.

NAT said...

Happy Diwali to you and your Family.

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Unknown said...
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Unknown said...

Atlast, the grand lady(grandchild) has made an appearance. Happy diwali to the baby.

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