Bad Boy Putin...

An adorable bridesmaid at a London Shaadi....

                                                                             ********

                                 Bad Boy Putin Vs. Blancmange Cameron

I , like millions of foolish women across the world, have a massive crush on Bad Boy Vladmir Putin. He is irresistibly delish . And to hell with his politics. A recent picture showing off his latest catch ( no, no, no, not the luscious girlfriend), but a gigantic fish, made me feel gushy and mushy all over again.There were two carefully constructed photo ops here – with and without a shirt -  just like a Salman Khan movie promo. As we all know, the Russian President loves flaunting his Black Belt bod.And at the age of 60, his rock hard torso is indeed impressive. It must give other, far younger world leaders quite a complex. Obama has taken a swipe or two recently when he joked that Putin had suggested a bare chested dress code for all international heads of state attending the G8 Summit. Obama clearly forgot all about Angela Merkel. But, theek hai. She looked pretty good in her one piece bathing suit this summer. Putin is a seriously  hot man…and he knows it. His minders know it , too. His publicity pics feature  him in action, much like Daniel Craig or Akshay Kumar displaying their physiques and skills on a film set. Putin has been projected as Russia’s strongman – literally. When he isn’t grappling with Siberian tigers, he is diving into the depths of the ocean, riding magnificent horses, hunting or plain flexing those muscles. His quotes are laconic and sharp. Here’s a leader who looks tough and talks even tougher.

             Then we have David Cameron – the British bloke who seems to be on a permanent vacation. He was also snapped with  fish at almost the same time as Putin’s Pike picture  appeared.  What a study in contrasts – David was spotted buying squid at a local fish market in Spain. He had sensibly kept his shirt on. Even though it was a clearly staged photo-op, the poor guy was gamely trying to look natural as he walked away clutching a plastic bag filled with calamari. The press back home gave him a few more points this year for recognizing the difference between sports gear and holiday wear. So, while Cameron strolled around clad in shorts and a casual cotton shirt, there was Putin, all rippling muscles and a triumphant smile, posing with a big fish ( 25 pounds, no less). It’s all about perception and image management in today’s cruel times, as politicians well know. With our own elections coming up, there will be many experts hanging around our netas, advising them on how to present their best angles in public. So far, I have not spotted a Putin-like macho man. But we do have several Camerons – self-conscious, elite, slightly bland and blah figures who inspire nothing more than the odd ,indifferent stare. Funny thing is, Putin’s popularity remains pretty dodgy in Russia. But nobody wants to mess with this menacing guy. Not even his ex-wife who quietly backed off after a discreet divorce, which, Putin watchers say, seamlessly made way for Putin and his latest lady love to go ahead with their plans. Meanwhile, in Britain, poor Cameron continues to be overshadowed and outraced by nearly everybody, including Samantha, his elegant and stylish wife. While the two of them were buying fish in Ibiza,his nation was going wild over a tiny bundle of joy – Prince George. Even Carole, Kate Middleton’s fetching mother ( a former British Airways flight attendant) managed to get an entire page to herself after the royal birth, leaving people to wonder why on earth Cameron didn’t plan his hols a little better! No such criticism comes Putin’s way – ever! .

Which once again makes me wonder just how vital looks are in today’s political arena. Everything revolves round body language and image projection. Going by that alone, Cameron comes across as a bit of a milk sop. He has the height, posh upper class accent and the required eloquence to pass muster. But big time charisma requires that extra something – it’s called star power. You either have it, or you don’t. David is seen as a bit of a tight ass, especially on vacation, when he makes cardinal sartorial mistakes that the Brit journos pounce on. Putin knows exactly what works for him. Just like Salman. His magic mantra is simple : Off with the shirt! Combine that with the second mantra : Stick to the big fish. And you hit bull’s eye. Putin should grab the Bond role from Craig. He won’t even need to act to play 007– it’s in his KGB genes!