Monday, December 30, 2013

"'Áunty Tips'' for the year ahead....

This appeared in Mumbai Mirror....
                                         The countdown has begun!
Readers, here are a few helpful ‘aunty’ tips to see you safely through the New Year. …
Let’s start with guy tips…
Tip No.1: Don’t  be a cheapo. If you can’t afford it,or are too kanjoos to spend, scrap the celebrations. Stay home and get drunk by yourself. But if you want the evening to be special, don’t count! Nothing ruins a date more than a man constantly reminding his date about the kharcha. This is one night when a date should be a proper date! No splitting costs, please.
Tip No.2 : Don’t get slobbering drunk ‘because it’s New Year’s Eve!” That excuse sucks. Don’t puke. Don’t make passes at someone else’s date. Don’t cadge drinks from other people’s table. Don’t pile on. Don’t crash parties. Don’t smooch strangers of either sex unless they also want to smooch you.
Tip No.3 : Dress down rather than up. Avoid brocade jackets. Poor Ranveer Singh is still recovering after his fashion disaster at Deepika P’s bash. Keep it simple. Keep it sober. Keep it stylish. Overshadowing your date is never a good idea. Especially if it’s New Year’s Eve.
Tip No. 3 : Make sure you eat something before you hit the bar. Most importantly,make sure your date eats something , too. Knocking back Bubbly on an empty stomach is a recipe for disaster. Why get shattered before midnight…. and pass out when the countdown actually happens? If you want to prolong the evening, line your stomach well…and then attack that well stocked bar.
Tip No. 4 : Don’t forget all about your date once you get to the party. Remember, she can as easily forget you, too! But what she will appreciate and remember later, is that extra  attention you pay, making sure her glass is refilled, making sure she has a place to sit, making sure she is safe at all times!
 Tip No. 5 : You are obliged to see a lady home – no matter how inconvenient it is, and no matter how late. If she has a deadline, it is your responsibility to make sure it is kept. It will earn you more respect, even if at that moment it’s a real bummer! End the evening on a great note. There’s nothing quite as romantic as sharing breakfast as the sun rises on a fresh year.

And here come some tips for chicks with a plan:
Tip No.1 : Look hot…. not cheap. Don’t embarrass your guy by wearing something  that  has “ Wardrobe malfunction” written all over it. You really don’t want your  body parts jumping out at strangers. Make sure you can sit and dance comfortably – it’s always a looooong evening, remember?
Tip No.2: Even if you have been on a starvation diet to fit into that slinky number, make sure of two things before stepping out :  drink sufficient water and stay hydrated. Eat a quick snack at home, so your first drink doesn’t knock you out.
Tip No. 3: Do not accept drinks / ciggies / any other substance from strangers. Try and stay close to your date or people you know well. Avoid dark corners or deserted passages.  Don’t go to the loo on your own. Or let someone know where you are headed.
Tip No. 4 : Don’t share contact details with random people. Don’t leave your handbag or phone on the table while you head for the dance floor. Car and house keys must be secured at all times. Let someone responsible know exactly where you are, especially if you change the venue or original plan. Don’t get into a car with unknowns, no matter how desperate you are to get a ride back home. If your date appears too trashed to drive, call a cab or hire a party driver for the night. And whatever you do, don’t take the wheel yourself assuming you are more sober than he is.
Tip No. 5 : Show appreciation! If your date / partner / husband has taken the trouble to construct a special evening for you, let the person know how much you appreciate the effort. Buy an interesting man- gift and write a loving note. Articulate your feelings, and reciprocate at an appropriate time by treating him to a terrific meal or taking him to your favourite  holiday place.
New Years are for new beginnings. 2013 has been a tough year on all fronts. So many  pesky ‘P s’  have ruined the happiness of countless women ( and a few men!). Perverts, Privacy issues. Power games. Promises (fake) .Pitfalls (Section 377). But hey! Things are definitely looking up!
Here’s to a Safe, Secure and Serendipitous 2014.

Happy New Year, Blogdosts....


muhammad usman said...

A sane and practical advice to everyone

Pooja Rathore said...

bindaas column - standing for care,share and be prepared for positive 2014!

V said...

Wish you and your near and dear ones too A Wonderful 2014!

Ranveer vishal said...

Love the tips, Shobha-ji and it makes sense. Wishing you and love ones a very Happy New Year.

RAJ47 said...

Shobhaa & all the readers,
Have a safe New Year Eve.
Happy & Prosperous New Year 2014!

Abhirami Muthu said...

The best gift for 2014 would be the answers to the following questions :

1) Your kids look genuinely happy. How did you do it??

2) Where do we draw the line between being a supportive wife and becoming a doormat?

I am asking because I think your greatest achievement is your family.

Thank you

Jyoti Jangir said...

Shobha ji you are a great writer. I follow you. Happy new year.

Anonymous said...

Wow.. that means.. happy patriarchal date. No, splitting of costs, total dependant on guys. Nice to hear from feminists. But, boys already said a N-word. No way.

Anonymous said...

great article..seems like perfect post

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Sarah Hall said...

Thank you for such advice. described what you need every year to sum up the past and plan the next