Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hum DESI hai to kya hua? Dilwaley hai!


Guys.... this is pretty accurate, affectionate and funny. Enjoy...

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY...???> Cool one...We are like this only so true,very true..........> 1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and> tomatoes.> > 2.. You try and reuse gift=2 0wrappers, gift boxes, and of> course aluminum foil.> > 3.. You are always standing next to the two largest size> suitcases at the Airport.> > 4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think> it's normal.> > 5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service> missed to stamp.> > 6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and> Anniversary Gifts.> > 7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita &> Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini..)> > 8.. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere,> close to their real names.> > 9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food> Allowed.' > > 10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving> someone's house.> > 11. You load up the family car with as many people as> possible.> > 12. HIGH PRIORITY ***** You use plastic to cover anything> new in your house> whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new> couch. ***** > > 13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends> think, but they won't let you do certain things because> of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.> > 14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as> it is for special occasions, which never happen.> > 15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.> > 16.. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. > > 17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many> numbers of bowls as possible.> > 18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls> and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff)> > 19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel> (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).> > 20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.> > 21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. > > 22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.> (And they prefer it that way).> > 23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.> > 24.. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.> > 25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to> see you off or receive you whether you are travel ing by bus,> train or plane.> > 26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest> in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel> proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of> light.> > 27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.> > 28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call,> they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight. > > 29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or> Aunty.> > 30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few> minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant> cousin.> > 31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to> foreign > countries have improved in the last two decades, and still> scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.> > 32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them> from getting dirty.> > 33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than> 600 people. > > 34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.> > 35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.> > 36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping. > > 37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it> to as many Indians as possible.> > I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN.

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I am one of those who can't resist forwards..... who knows what gyaan lies embedded in them? Besides, I am always intrigued by the origin - who writes them? WHY????

My daughter Avantikka (Honeybrown Eyes), is in London. It has only been a few days, but she must be really nostalgic since she sent this one to me. I bet it has been doing the rounds for a while with a few additions and subtractions, but it is such a well-observed piece that I had to share it!!

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Jeffrey Archer is a real character. I'd been invited to an intimate dinner the last time he was in Mumbai to promote his books. I found him racist, impatient, arrogant and conceited. All he did was complain. About Mumbai's traffic, Mumbai's readers, Mumbai's everything! Just before we exited India Jones, someone at the table asked him if he had read or heard of any Indian authors. He dismissed that question instantly.... but swiftly thought better of it, perhaps anticipating more such questions from the desi press. He turned to me and asked who my favourite Indian writers were and I mentioned R.K. Narayan and Vikram Seth. The canny Archer looked totally blank, but being a smart cookie, asked for some paper, pulled out a pen and requested me to jot down their names and the titles of their books. He also asked about the contents of Narayan's novels. Perhaps he did take the trouble to pick up the books at the airport and has indeed read them before whizzing into Mumbai again. He has been dropping both names at every press conference.I didn't want to meet him one more time and skipped all the functions - alas, I'd seen through the guy. He has obviously sensed numbers in the India market and is determined to create a record here. Fair enough. Which author doesn't want to sell in great numbers?? But in every interview, I notice with glee, he trots out the names of Seth and Narayan like he has been following their work for decades. Intellectual dishonesty? Or just good salesmanship and P.R.?? You decide...

45 comments:

Arjun said...

Lol, Now this was a pretty funny one. You met Jeffrey Archer, wow, thats nice, I wish that i could have met him too. He came off as "racist, impatient, arrogant and conceited", woah!! Now thats surprising, but i will take your word for it. Plus, do write about the stock market rising by 2k, in your last post, you heard that it would rise by 1k points! So, that was pretty cool. And, do keep on blogging, it is pretty much amongst the high points of my day!

freakaholic said...

Oh!!! and the most important one... >> 38. We lavishly report our 'out of the world' behavior and love reading it when its forwarded by mail...;)

rox

Zillionbig said...

i love have this love for forwards, some of them are riots.... Jefferey Archer is all that, aah? Ok, let me not read him again in the future. R.K Narayan is my favorite too.His writings transform in into another world, a bygone era. Thanks, excellent writeup, you too are my favorite writer, i enjoy reading you, cheers:)))

Zillionbig said...

i love have this love for forwards, some of them are riots.... Jefferey Archer is all that, aah? Ok, let me not read him again in the future. R.K Narayan is my favorite too.His writings transform in into another world, a bygone era. Thanks, excellent writeup, you too are my favorite writer, i enjoy reading you, cheers:)))

Thinking Woman said...

Hello,

Archer is all that?!!! I always liked his work, although some of the last ones were pretty mediocre.

Do keep blogging. I love to read about your take on things.

Desi Lawyer said...

I've been reading your books for eons now (and no, this is not a Jeffrey Archer-esque statement) and Im a huge fan from across the border! I was so happy to discover your blog! Any plans of writing a new book?

muthu said...

hmhm.... Funny i thought that Archer must be an interesting character to meet after reading all his books...

and he turns out to be another guy looking to sell his books.

the forward mail is a cliché Ms.De and yeah... I think we Indians enjoy ourselves so much that we have so much fun writing about ourselves.....

still is the man who penned kane and abel as shallow as asking the names of Indian authors and using them as PR.

I would have really expected him to be honest.... that would have scored more points with me.

hmhm... a pity. But am really glad Ms.De when I say to you that you are as candid a person I found in your books, in your blog.

hmhm may be in future i will make it as some1 big and then will come over to meet you Ms.De.

We will then have a good chit chat over some hot coffee..... :)

athi said...

Shocked actually by what you said about jeffrey archer. I think everyone in India in high school reads him.. sad that he isnt one iota of the person we would all imagine him to be.

And for that, I'm even more glad you are what you seem to be :)

Nikki said...

I love Jeffry Archer's books. Have read all of them. I am glad I did not go to Landmark to meet him!

Velu said...

I was reaching out for the delete button before I realized that this was your blog and not my inbox filled with forwards.

kala said...

That is what happens most of the time when you meet the particular person. It is not only Archer, most behave like that. Our own Naipaul is no less a character. We must learn to separate the person from his or her work and enjoy the work only. Rajesh Khanna comes out as a very nice person in his movies Aradhana, Bawarchi, Amarprem. But in real life he may not be what he portrays on the screen. But it does not make me stop watching his films and enjoying them. Even Shakespeare or for that matter Ayn Rand might have been oddballs. But that does not take away their merit as writers. We are disillusioned most of the times by others and sometimes by our own children or parents. But that is life.

AnjuGandhi said...

Even I have received the same mail so many times. And yes whatever written there is true to an extent. But then I am proud of it .We Indians are one of its kind and no one can compete with us in any way. We have our own identity.
And what a coincidence -- today only, i mentioned Jeffery Archer in my post and when i opened your post he was here too.Enevn i read one of his interviews where he was asked about Indian movies and novels and he very smartly evaded the question.

kala said...

Your forward is hilarious and too true. Why not write some positive points like
We welcome people at any time of the day and that too with pleasure.
We are concerned. If something happens nearby, we will rush out and try to be helpful even in a clumsy way.
We hate to waste. We are attached to everything animate or ananimate that becomes part of our life.
We generally dont rush to a shrink to solve our mental problems. There are always friends and relatives ready to listen and give advice without charging a penny.
We accept everything as our destiny thus making light of our troubles.
Even small things will make us very happy.

smalltown_girl said...

yeah. me too still loving every second of being an indian. thanks for the forward.
more thanks for the archer tip. :-O I was in partial shock. but he underestimated you and ur readers. didnt he? ;-)

Gajendra said...

haha.....we indians are indigenous.


oho, jeffrey archer....!!! i didnt see that coming....hmmmm

Chiranjib Mazumdar said...

hmm... well it's the age of marketing and PR professionals... feigning to be personalities that they, actually, are not...
and yes, I had read that 'forward' before as well...

Gulshan said...

Hey,

This is an old one but i feel its 2 much of cliche' but most of it is true lol I was wondering to hear ur thoughts on FAKE IPL player..will he reveal himself tomo as promised??

I live in London and if ur daughter needs any help just gv a shout ... (desi at help again)

Give some more masala in ur columns...

Love Gulshan

Surya said...

wow.. now thats some piece about Mr.Archer... jus got an autographed copy of 4 of his books yesterday here in bangalore and was floored by his references to the genius of R K Narayan... now we know how....actually wasnt happy about the wikipedia update of Jeff too... but all said about him.... its his books on which i slumbered all my life...

sambiraj said...

Please copy paste again without the forwords.

t o m s o n CHERIAN said...

.......and I held this Archer guy in high regard all these years!Corny bastard!

Tom Kat said...

Well Archer's ethics should cease to shock us, ever since he was convicted of prejury and spent a good bit of his time in prison.

But still kind of sad to hear one of your ex-favorite authors is a racist bigot! Glad I always read his books after borrowing them from the library now.

dipti said...

after what u say abt archer i'm rather disillusioned .... watched the interview with him on NDTV where he played the TV audiences perfectly !!! He said he heard that for every book of his that gets sold in India 25 people read it and thats what made him want to come to India!! Like u said its all about the numbers. Man, Indians count, and how! Keep blogging ..

Trainer said...

Namaste...

As my salutation...by soul ..an Indian is one who is proud and modest simultaneously...carrying both fronts as a bar to row any ship.....

India is...was...and remain as one of the country's known because of its people...regardless who and what they are..... I can't recollect any other...by their citizens...and that's what makes an Indian proud....

I knw..there are some facets wherein we have to look over...but as quote flows...time is the master...and every things happens on the right part of it....so...lets wait for the right moment..and definitely we'll win the hearts..as usual...

Must applaud the way you listed the qualities which equalize Indians...

Jai Hind..

Another Kiran In NYC said...

Hahaha I have seen that forward about a million times, but you know what... every single time I read it again and tick off even more things I do, or secretly and very deserately want to do but dont... because my non desi sweetie always gets an affectionate laugh out of my "stereoetypical desiness"!


My poor heart bleeds imli chutney when I think of the acres of Aluminium foil and plastic wrap I would have reused and the millions of grocery bags I could have reused for garbage bags. My kaleja feels fried like a puffy Puri, when I think of the dozens of friends kids I have not judged only on thier ability to get to an Ivy league University or to find a rich, wheatish complexioned (no heaven forbid...not a gora/gori) spouse. Damn, I miss my desiness! Oh dear have I finally become an Aunty?

I like being desi... and thats that!

I havent read Jeffrey Archer ever! Weird? No! I took one look at Kane and Abel about a zillion years ago and lumped it with The Thorn Birds. Yeah, that really dates me!Bakwaas. Atleast my version of Bakwaas, almost as badly written as Angels and Demons. English language ka bilkul khoon! Plot line bhi crack pe!

But he is a smart cookie to build a whole PR campaign on your Narayan and Seth references. Maybe he actually did read them finally. Hahahahaha. Wily ol coot. No wonder he had to go to prison and was elected to parliament. You have to be wily to get the honor of both things!

Narayan, I like. Love the simplicity with which he writes. His books are cozies. Seth is soporific. His Suitable Boy epic was probably the most boring book I have ever read. I do love his first book of poetry though. And he is cute is an nice, gay boy to take shopping, kind of way. Disclaimer... thats just my perception of him! Yeah., thats it, I would like to take him shopping and talk about poetry and extentialism over coffee afterwards.

Now that I have cynically outed people, trashed others writing abilities and spoken of the grocery bags I could have reused for garbage, my puffy like a puri kaleja feels totally desi! I am at peace.

Gossipgal said...

awww..loved reading it..thanks for sharing

Vyne said...

You can't blame a man for his DNA can you? Being racist is surely part of the British DNA...

doc_girl said...

I always loved reading Archer until a few of his books ago..after reading what you have to say about him, I'm happily going to drop him from my list of favorite writers...
I can vouch for the stained tupperware dabbas which we use to take roti sabzi to work :)

kala said...

I am sorry to say that this blog is turning into like bigb's blog where he condemns some media person and the entire bloggers without using their judgment begin to badmouth that person in unison. It is hitting below the belt.

Riaz-NJ said...

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking...

This should be...

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking and ask someone else (preferably in-laws) to taste and suggest, before serving !!!

I can assure that, Jeffrey Archer will defend with a statement like, "the local competition is throwing mud on me!!!"

Sumit said...

The thing about Archer sounds familiar, no clue why!!
The forward is hilarious, but I must say that the list certainly doesn't stand true any more. maybe a few a points here n there but for the larger part it is so very different.
Oh, and there happens to be a similar ABC of Bengalis which I find quite funny but again talks of a time gone by :)
cheers

PS: I've met more desis n greeks in London than Brits!! beats me why!!
cheerio

Ms. Neha Gandhi said...

aww i feel bad for poor Archer... i really love his books and his pretentious act ( as u have put it down) does not make me like him any less

Pappu - The Loser's Eye said...

I do think that Jeffery Archer is great, but I also believe you!! Has he ever read what you write? I want to know what happens when he gets to know what you have written about him in your blog.

An ardent fan.
Pappu.

salu said...

hi,
it's a pleasant reading about Indians.......much fun on Jefreys too.......
rgrds/ salu

Shobhaa De said...

guys.... make no mistake. I'm reading you! Every single comment. Keep them coming....will finally get the hang of responding to them in this space.... but for now, do extend your patience to a seriously over- worked woman. Oui?? Merci!

P said...

that was humorous! some of it is real true. made me laugh! :D

I am sorry for your experience with JA. Some people have a 'God-cpmplex' for no reason. Few people exhibit flawless behavior and emit decency that make their company sheer pleasure.

Rajlakshmi said...

ohhh ... is Archer that bad... I so love this work...
and ya that forward sounds cliche but thats what we are :)

rt said...

well i liked what archer wrote in his earlier books..have started getting away from him off late ...
I hope not to find anything like that abt some other authors around like u!! u r one of my favourites- ofcourse i havent bought any of ur books and just read ur columns..
I appreciate that u have put forward how and when JA caught hold of these names....


I would have loved the way I am wherever i would have born-every nation has its share...

rt said...

@ kala: I dont think this can reach the pitless bottom that BigB's post belongs to..of..self promotion

Sidhusaaheb said...

Congratulations! You've just been nominated for a 'Whistle-blower of the Year' award!!

:D

Roopa said...

I so agree with Shobhaa De. I came back fuming from Landmark in Delhi. He is all that Shobhaa said: "racist, impatient, arrogant and conceited." Here is what he did at Landmark:

1. Embarrassed other authors whom he may have remotely sensed was trying to advertise themselves. However, to come across as a 'nice guy' flattered aspiring children. At the same time, on the pretext of a tongue in cheek humour, he makes comments such as 'bloody Indians, they start so young!'

2. 'I hate IPL!' he says.. why? because it is defies the original design of the game created by the Brits?

3. He says 'oh, it is so sad to see that India and Pakistan don't play the game anymore. It used to be so nice to see them play.. tut, tut" - bha! I could almost hear him snigger covertly

What really got my goat was the audience. They laughed at his silly jokes! Jeffrey Archer is a sick minded guy.

Sameer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
prasun said...

what i have found..people in their banal life sts come out to be so unusual and different from what they are perceived from their works. i think it does not mean u should be disillusioned by this stark truth..works are just the showcase of their intrinsic talents ..trotting on the same name is the matter of disgrace for jeffrey as he is unaware of the the remarkable indian writter..first he should be strengthening his basic knowledge of incumbent writers and then do some writing stuffs...he is disgusting

mystiquedew said...

I can't seem to identify me-self with any of it...except use shopping bags fer garbage uses. What else is one supposed to do wid them anyways?

I outgrew J. Archer long, long time ago! Neither his books nor he interests me.

Raccoon said...

haha, I actually read an interview with Archer where he mentions he absolutely loves reading RKN's timeless pieces! Now I know where that came from :-D

On another note: can you please space out your paragraphs to make it much more readable? Currently most of it is in one large chunk and takes the pleasure out of reading.

maha said...

thanks for the post yar...

Work from home India