Monday, September 7, 2009

Rakhi Ka Swearing -in....

Elections – Maharashtra-ishtyle - Rakhi for C.M.!!

Maharashtra has a great folk tradition of Tamasha. Just like West Bengal has ‘Jatra. Next month our mahaan state will host one of the biggest tamashas - it’s called the elections. The characters vary, but the mood doesn’t. We’ll watch the build -up, hoping for some newness… change…. dynamism…. sincerity of purpose. But what we are likely to get are the same old ‘paatrey’, in different garb. As of now, various parties are in the process of identifying appropriate candidates. Known Devils are preferred – never mind their credentials. Any ‘face’ will do – winners of reality shows, small- time tv stars, failed singers, has- been Bollywood actors, koi bhi chalega! But if you ask me, the real coup will be to rope in Rakhi Sawant – not as a campaigner but a candidate. I’d like to see her perform her inimitable ‘nautanki’ as she goes from taluka to taluka asking for votes. Rakhi is as Maharashtrian as vada pav and equally yummy. I think she’d make a great chief minister. Don’t laugh! The woman has guts, is practical and can communicate with the masses. She doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and remains undaunted at all times. Since the present guy (Ashok Chavan) is largely invisible anyway, Maharashtra could do with a high visibility, phataka of a C.M. who bonds with the best and comes up with highly original one liners ( “jo dikhta hai wo bikta hai” ) . With Rakhi at the helm of affairs, there will be photo-ops by the micro-second, and with some luck, maybe a wardrobe malfunction or two. Policy matters?? Oh come on, when was the last time anybody in Maharashtra was concerned about such basics… such mundanities? Rakhi can hire the creative directors of her ‘Swayamwar’ show to provide a daily briefing ( and de-briefing). She is unbeatable when it comes to dialogue-maaro-ing. Her hand- picked cabinet can feature all those guys who were vying for her hand in the top-rated tv show, but didn’t make the final cut. Her current fiancé, the man from Canada ( what’s his face?), could open up trade channels with his country if given the Industries portfolio. The other beefy types could handle Sports, Law and Order, Social Welfare(especially, women’s issues), Labour, Education ( liberal arts, in particular) . Finance will stay with Rakhi herself, since she has done a pretty good job of climbing to the top of the heap from a lowly, humble start. Her OTT dress designer could easily handle Home Affairs ( ha!). This is going to be fun. I’m lovin’ it!! What a fantastic future awaits Maharashtra…. Rakhi could persuade those poor farmers in Vidharba not to commit suicide with just a personal visit and a few jhataks - mataks … to say nothing about fake promises of better times to come. Our broke State could do with some serious morale boosting and a pumping up of low ratings, with Rakhi sitting on the main ‘gaadi’ in Mantralaya. She is hot, ripe and ready for the role … err… job. Now if only some smart political party is clever enough to rope her in. Raj? Uddhav?? Go for it, guys. Think out of the box. Forget the usual suspects. The public is bored to death with the same, thakela candidates. Besides, look at it this way – who but a Rakhi Sawant can take on a Mayawati in our backyard? Behenji’s formidable financial assets are known to all….. but what are those when compared to Rakhi’s phenomenal assets? Asli or nakli – it hardly matters these days. Remember – jo dikhta hai, who bikta hai. Kyon, Rakhi??
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Have been receiving the funniest emails after this appeared in Bombay Times today. Prasad Bidapa, one of my wittiest friends, has a few superlative suggestions for a Rakhi ka Swayamwar' sequel. He has suggested 'Rakhi Ki Suhaagraat'. He added cheekily, " To participate,contact NDTV IMAGINE. Hurry!! Limited beds."
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I saw 'Chintuji' this evening, and found it the sweetest film. Innocent, simple, entertaining and pertinent. Rishi Kapoor, I read somewhere, was miffed with the producers about the lack of promotion. And rightly so. 'Chintuji' is a far more worthy effort than most of the ridiculously hyped films that are generously given 3 and 4 stars by the easy-to-impress critics. It has originality , for one. And a pretty neat script. The performances are passable, but never cringe- making. And the crazy song with a list of internationally renowned directors ( Kurosawa, Truffaut, de Sica to Satyajit Ray) is just so clever! The silly love story that forms the parallel track was entirely unnecessary. It is Rishi Kapoor's film all the way - and just as well. He is one of our most competent actors and it is good to see him in a full -fledged role - spoofing himself ! What can be cuter than that??

23 comments:

cmpershad said...

" But what we are likely to get are the same old ‘paatrey’, in different garb"

ya, old wine in new bottle.
And what, Ur betting on Rakhi!!! Jai ho:)

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

mentos please.

Pankaj said...

Mam, have you seen Mohandas? Tell us about it also...

Animesh Kulkarni said...

What an Idea sirji!
Truely! When we can place anyone as our CM (even PM) & when they prove themselves all useless after their term, why dont we give chance to some out-of-the-box-idea? At the most what will happen? another five years in drain & Shobhaa will again get something nice to write about for us :)

The Panorama said...

Rakhi ki Suhagraat? I nearly died laughing at that!! Thanks for this post:)

Sidhusaaheb said...

The politicians are as disgusting as Rakhi Sawant. Is that the implication here?

Why did the reality show draw a response at all? Why would any one want to marry Rakhi Sawant, of all the women in the world? That's beyond me, frankly.

parwatisingari said...

not a bad deal, i didn't add rakhi sawant to my list. but here is the link to a blog of mine, which offended senior "nationalists" on sulekha.
Let’s shop for a political party.
http://naagarika-parwatisingari.blogspot.com/

Past Expiry said...

[CARTOON] Humpty Dumpty
http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/2009/09/cartoon-humpty-dumpty.html

The Wandering Minstrel said...

just because u carry that name on u, everything becomes satire for u i guess.
very cool, sitting in ur air conditioned little press office and blogging nonsense :)
carry on. we have seen worse and we would not care much anyway.
it would be a miracle the day u rise above silly satire in an effort to sound smart and informed and bold etc etc and write sumthin that really strikes a chord and inspires at least one person reading this inane blog to do something different or at least differently.

ms said...

mz de, et tu brutus! if nothing else, rakhi sawant doesn't deserve to be paraded as a tamasha. remember those yesteryears when people only saw you as a drinking-smoking-socialite and dismissed your opinions as nothing but attention-seeking hype? see how you have evolved into this drinking-smoking socialite people listen to! please madamji, you and her are soul-sisters so help her cause. and all those qualities you listed which make her an ideal candidate - every page 3 party attendee has them and more! so take your pick, maharashtra!

*Aham* said...

id vote for rakhi anytime. lets face it. people who claim to hate her, have watched teh whole episode for the swayamvar.Its just so fashionable to hate. So people hate her. And she basks in the glory of the hate.

Not Laughing. But absolutely Serious! Id love to see her as a CM. She has learned the ropes of the tinsel town and has reached ranks where even the shahrukhs and the farah's and the roshans of the worlsd cant ignore her.

Give it an actual thought, with no prejuidice associated with her image. She is a bombshell in the true sense of the word. And who knows, one day when she finds Bollywood less newsy, she will migrate to politics.

I feel our Rakhi is the perfect mooh tod jawab to all the Jayas (Chennai, Allahabad/bengal and Allahbad/Andhra )

Im sure many will be more than willing to tutor her... and learn from her in the bargain. She is a fast learner.

Irrespective of whether it is Rupa, Lux, Jockey, Tommy Hi flier or rivolta.. anyone taking panga would be definitely De-Briefed.

Gone will be the days of the sexy saree, she will bring the chaniya choli to vogue in parliament.

She is someone who could reverse roles and get Men to do mujras and thumkas for her.... And new age controversies would strom in... like say -- a all man Harem somewhere in satara or sangli or nalla sopara being busted.

Anyways! "Why should chokras have all the fun!" Will be the slogan! and the brand will be sponsoring her vanity.

WOW! im seriously waiting for her to put her pavitra kadam in politics. SHe will hilao and ukhaad the jhandas of the hail and hearty, amd might and mighty. She is better than the silly billies and shady toms of ours.

And if someone does an akhiyon-se goli maarey kind of eve teasing, she can always ask him... "Arey yeh toh battta, dekhta hai kya... "

*******************************
Rishi! ohh! i had a huge huge crush on him. And neetu singh and he make the best on screen/offscreen couple. He has charm, wisdom, and is not miss-goody-two-shoes types.

He has a sex appeal and an earthyness of his own. He is the real heir of the RK throne.

No kareena, no ranbir... i thought Karan kapoor had potential. but he waned off and never came again!

Im going to watch this film! most definately, just for chintuji!

kala said...

And then you cry Maharashtra has no able leaders. How can you take politics in such a light hearted way? Politicians may be a tad bit stupid and slow, but they are there lest this country would have fallen into the hands of anarchists. Only SP can give tickets to Phoolon Devi, Sanjay Dutt and others that may or may not include Raakhi. Raakhi as a politician will be like Uma Bharti who could not sustain herself as Chief Minister of Madhya Pradesh. Rabble rousing or shocking statements will not make statesmen or stateswomen. Mayawati is one aberration. Indian women have this instability built into them and politics unleashes this instability to the detriment of democracy. While this instability is more conspicuous in the lower strata women, it is still there even in the upper strata.

obssesor said...

I completely agree..and then maybe you could lrnd her to the neighboring state of Andhra Pradesh.

waste said...

Good point....
but it may sound rhetoric... its not like that people forgot other unfortunate people. YSR was holding such a responsible post and was popular among masses. So it was natural that he received most attention. Anyway it was a very unfortunate incident.

Sumona Chakravarti said...

Hi.
well this is the first time ive been through ur blog. i'am a big fan of urs, ur writin, ur sarees, ur fashion sense, et all.. i hav been regularly been followin all ur articles n columns, its a treat to read them, honestly..
i so love the fact that u r one of the few people who actually hav the balls (sorry , no other word fits better) to write their heart out, what they truly feel, the facts ; without any sort of intimidation.
i hav only one word for u & thats WOW.
n i loved ur article abt rakhi sawant - jo dikhta hai wo bikhta hai... it will b rockin for sure.
:)
Tc.
Sumona Chakravarti

Another Kiran In NYC said...

Now ur talking!

I am being completely serious when I say Rakhi would make a very savvy politician. We have tried the rest so why not. Put her with good advisors and her native common sense will mean savvy decisions being made. The best decisions... I dont know... but certainly the savvy ones. The only thing I have doubts about is, her staying power. She has an alternative and lucrative profession, so can she stick it out through the sticky stuff without a tantrum and walking off.

I think of Rakhi as a naive and unschooled Mamta Bannerjee with a larger chest boobs and fewer clothes. Same mooh phatness, same trade union leader charisma and shrillness, same drama queen tendencies, a desire to do good and willingness to go it alone. However dont know if she has Mamtas persistance through the good and bad.

dilchahtahai said...

English language has lot of Sarcasm hiding in it. If you say the same thing, in hindi or marathi or any Indian Language, It sends the message purely but when you convert those thoughts into English, it becomes more nasty or sarcastic.

Rakhi Sawant is an media created phenomenon species, where you can say, "You can Love her, You can hate her, but you can not ignore her".

Sonia Medam wants or prefers Low Profile Chief Ministers, State Ministers, whose sole motive is to earn money as much as they can, make people of their state happy and keep the Gandhi Parivaar or should I say, (10 JANPATH ROAD) hip and happening.

Samartha said...

Rakhi will excel in politics, without any doubt in any show, she will be excellent.

Ashish said...

I feel this is one of the most humorous posts i have ever read. But you are not serious about Rakhi, right??;)

mahatru said...

This looks like a real good idea but it will be very difficult for Frau Rakhi Sawant to wear a non glamorous starched cotton saree, full sleeves blouses,etc. She might not be used to wearing so much of clothes you see :) :) :)

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Anil Kumar said...

Khuda meharbaan tto gadhaa pahalwaan...What an alternative...Present day randuve politicians will be replaced with new nangi raand politician in the form of Rakhi Sawant...No wonder politicians from a failed state like Pakistan is dicussing how to stop the CHEAP Indian soap opera and it's raands from killing the original culture of Indian sub-continent.

If development of a country happens at the cost of it's originality and cultural values then these bastards are just slaves.

Why not bring on Mallika Sherawat...She can bend over to please Americans like nobody else and can help in shaping American policies Pro-Iindians...

Shameful and disgusting...Other sirfira Big B is nowadays justifying the BIG BOSS and 13 sluts and pimps whom he will be managing. May be still owe Samajwaadi's some money and prostitution is the best way to get quick bucks...

ms said...

come on ms de, anil kumarji is back with his foul language and his attitude towards the women in his life on full display! please, please ask someone (secretary, woman-friday, arundhati, your spouse - anyone!) to go through these comments and weed out the snakes in the grass!

maha said...

nice posting....

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