Sunday, May 2, 2010

How I love Ghaplas......

I am off to Goa.... beastly weather, gorgeous people.
This appeared in the Sunday Times today.......


Let the ‘Ghaplas’ roll… while Lallu rocks!

He who tweets, lasts? No chance. He scoots! ‘I tweet, therefore I am’ , no longer holds true. ‘Ghaplas’ galore have replaced tweets and bores.I have been a diehard Lallu fan ever since I watched him playing Holi on television. What a guy, I said to myself. No six pack, not even a four pack, but an enormous, hard- as- rock pot belly. Yet,there he was rocking and grooving away like Akshay Kumar or Shahid Kapoor. Wah! That’s confidence. Ever since that defining moment, I have faithfully tracked Lallu’s countless antics and frequently dreamt about bonding with him while companionably milking cows on his farm. Last week, when he talked about the IPL ghaplas, I wanted to hug him ( I am sure Rabri wouldn’t have minded). ‘Ghaplas’ is such a delicious description for what has been going on… is going on. ‘Ghaplas’ cannot and must not be translated. Scandals, scams, fraud, corruption – does anybody react to those overused words? But the minute Lallu gives gyaan on the IPL ‘ghaplas’ we start paying attention. Why? Because who knows ‘ghapla territory’ better than the Governor General of Ghaplas – Lallu himself!
Mumbai describes such doings as ‘lafdas’ – which is also a great word since it kinda goes with ‘lafangas’ and even if those high flying IPL loafers do wear Gucci loafers, lafangas they remain. The IPL mess has become a ‘class thing’ (or ‘thingy as SRK tweeted when Sue Pushkar said she’d earlier offered her services to KKR). Considering it was Lalit’s tweet that triggered off the avalanche of muck raking that followed, that communication option instantly brought an elitist angle into the drama. For example – Lallu doesn’t tweet. But if he were to, he’d leave all the others way behind ( Salman Khan included). He could call himself ‘Ghaplawalla’ and break a whole lot of bhaandas on an hourly basis. Sharad Pawar isn’t on twitter either – but imagine what a following he’d get if he succumbed! He could adopt an appropriate twitter name – what about ‘Pawarplay’? Not sure whether Praful P is tweeting away yet? ‘Gadbadghotala’ would work great in his case. It is amazing how this crazy, deceptively harmless social networking tool became a game changer in IPL-Gate. Finger-happy fans have been in overdrive ever since LKM fired the first tweet… err…. shot. The twitter option is restricted to tech savvy, urban addicts, which is where the divide begins.
Like this joke doing the rounds…
“ Tweet , tweet…”
“Who’s there?”
“Lalit Modi…”
“Lalit Modi, who?”

“Don’t tell me I’m history already!!”
Given our insatiable appetite for Ghaplas and Lafdas, we are waiting breathlessly for the IPL sequel. If even half the colourful main players back off at this stage, and leave the proceedings to grim faced BCCI officials with zero charisma, the very people who have been taken for a royal ride ( cricket fans) will rapidly lose interest and look for the next big tamasha , quite forgetting that it will be pretty tough to beat this baby. Can it really get any bigger or grittier than it is? Number crunching is a tricky game, but since when has that daunted Lalit? Soon, such a complicated financial maze will be constructed that due diligence will be reduced to an expensive joke. It has happened with virtually every single national level investigation. So for every Ramalingam Raju cooling his heels in the clink, there are a dozen bigger ( and better connected) crooks taking the country for a ride.
One feels sorry for all those naive bachchas who regard cricket as a religion – their faith in the game has been cruelly shattered. They are the ones who need protection and reassurance before we plunge into the next IPL season. As of now, they are bewildered and disillusioned, unable to make the slightest sense of all the legalities and formalities that the ongoing investigation has entangled itself into. All they know is something murky and unpleasant tainted the IPL…. and some of their biggest icons. They are finding it exceedingly hard to come to terms with the dirt flying around. Who can explain to these trusting kids that the very same people who are key beneficiaries in this set up as it exists, have been appointed to look into its irregularities? Possible? Yes. But only in India!
These young, gullible cricket fans are the very ‘People of India’ Lalit Modi had the temerity to address directly via a live telecast during the presentation ceremony. I wonder whether they were convinced by his shrewdly worded oratory, or did they suspect it was nothing more than a veiled threat ? In a way, thank you, Lalit. You did draw your critics’ attention to the obvious fact that you weren’t exactly the swashbuckling Lone Ranger ( minus Tonto),undertaking hairy scarey deals in isolation. As has been asked by several concerned people – where were the blessed auditors for three years? And if they were sleeping on the job, why haven’t they been hauled in so far?
Lalit has obviously been born under an incredibly lucky star. And Teflon is his best friend. As of now, nothing is sticking, even though the wicket itself is beyond sticky.Preity Zinta described Lalit as a ‘magician’. Well, his magic has saved his derriere so far. His partners and good friends may not be as fortunate now that the heat is on them…. while he cools off and relaxes at his favourite spa. One has to hand it to the guy – a more chilled out customer would be hard to find! Talk about chasing a crooked shadow, this ‘who dunnit’ would have baffled Hitchcock himself. You know why? Hitchcock understood psychos…. but was clueless about ‘ghaplas’.

13 comments:

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

Now if Lallu ji read the post And once mention your name on-air you are famous within gaon/dehaat/diyar/tabelas etc. etc.

茂鴻 said...

great msg for me, thanks a lot dude˙﹏˙

FrankieGoesToHyderabad said...

Beautifully flowing words, like song lyrics. Envious of your abilities. Glad you're showing up vanity and corruption, exposing it to what it deserves.

My spontaneous reaction though is that Mr M and his ilk aren't deserving of any more of your attention. They've had two of your blogs - don't give 'em any more of your time. Or they'll continue to assume that they deserve your attention, and that writers and journalists are endlessly fascinated by them and their glittering banal lives. What would we wish on them? A cocktail party where they find themselves all sitting nervously on the stairs or on the kitchen because no-one wants to talk to them or finds them interesting any more.

Please ignore the M's of this country, and maybe instead, tell us a bit about the ordinary lives of people you meet in Goa this weekend... Do you like feedback from those who read your blogs, Ms De? You write like the newspapers generally can't. When the papers expose something nasty, some innocent couple bullied by panchayaats into suicide just because they loved each other, or a high-up's relative appropriating a scheduled flight for her wanky friends, they leave us with the feeling that... oh well, it's just a fact of life, we can't change it, better just sigh and accept it will happen again next week.

But you, Ms D, you might help us feel that we could grow tired of gross inequality, and that ordinary lives are more memorable than cheesy so-called celebrities...

numerounity said...

Reminds me of a song from Gulzar'movie- ghapla hai, aagho bai ghapla hai!

Sidhusaaheb said...

Laalu is Lallu, as far as tweeting is concerned, I agree.

BTW, the maze is already in existence and it would require at least 2 years to be unravelled, provided the investigators really wish to unravel it, I've heard.

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manoj said...

Let the ‘Ghaplas’ roll… while Lallu rocks!


its Laalu not Lallu.....does ur intellect fear his popularity....or ur sceptical mind keeps thinking abt his alleged scam"chara ghotala"..learn to be unbiased..

Peter said...

wow Shobhaa De wow!! excellent!! you rock Shobhaa De!!

ms said...

kaisen ho, mz de? my moment of admiration: during an interview, lallu turned towards his fav black cow and asked her if he would win the upcoming election. and the creature nodded! his charisma even transcends species barriers! look at rabri's smitten stare, his party people's fixed gaze when he speaks, even a news telecast during his lunch was mesmerising! look out, tharoor! here is a serious contender for the much-travelled-speaking-at-phoren-universities-smooth-talking award! and the IPL saga is no longer a "whodunnit" - it is a "hedunwhat". please, mz de, tell me what you make of kasab-verdict. 9 foreign miscreants ran around a strange city with maps drawn by 2 year-olds? i tell you, those maps had better detail than any by google, the minister knows nothing. and without any local help? anyway, chids can pretend that indians are a patriotic lot, but he will eat his words one day. in fact, his infinite buffet has already begun. keep safe, mz de!

PopAbooK.com said...

You have left no one, as it unfolds in the coming days it is looking like all the big guys will escape clean and all the B-Town guys will be in trouble...some of their so called stakes are not even recognized!
PopAbooK

ShemaleJasmin said...

Indian cities, school, streets everywhere, it is dirty! ? whats about the Indian government?
IPL money-laundering scandal threatens Indian government ??
http://merabharatmahanindia.blogspot.com/

raj said...

i saw you at THE GREAT BHET , i feel very proud of you as you are MAHARASHTRIAN

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