CWG : Bottoms Up!!!

GUYS. i HAVE HAD AN INSANE WEEK.THE WEEKEND IS LOOKING EQUALLY NUTS.MORE TONIGHT .... BUT DEFINITELY TOMORROW.
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Let the real Games begin…ha ha ha

Let’s call it the best bum deal in the world! Going by reports CWG athletes will be completing their daily ablutions in right royal style ( though, most of today’s kadka royals cannot afford such absurdities ). Toilet paper rolls at 4,000 bucks a pop, are what will define the stink created by the corruption corroding the prestigious Commonwealth Games. People may eventually forget the treadmills , taxis and poorly finished surfaces. But who can ever get over Kalmadi and Co placing orders for the priciest butt cleaning paper in the world? Scraping the bottom of the barrel….? Eventually it was the infamous ‘Let them eat cakes…” quote that got Maria Antoinette into big trouble. She, poor lady, had her head chopped off.But here in India, heads never roll… the only thing that ever does, is currency. So why are we feigning surprise at what’s going on? Is it the monumental scale that’s getting to us? As if to say, ‘Thoda thoda corruption is fine. Chalta hai. But this is too much, yaar!” It is this staggering and brazen flouting of all rules that has finally made us sit up and demand explanations. Frankly, it’s a bit too late in the day to do anything about the gargantuan mess. Let’s face it - what are the options? Scrap the bloody Games and book the culprits? That’s not going to happen. Sorry to bring in a sidetrack ( as they say in Bollywood), but has anything of consequence happened to the top bracket star cast of the IPL saga? Similarly, in this sordid drama too, a lot of noise will be made across news channels. Heavy duty panelists will hold forth. A couple of sting operations may get the sluggish TRPs going into overdrive, there will be a few more exposes …. finito. All of this is seen as entertainment of a nasty kind - a night cap that helps viewers sleep better. We go to bed thinking, “Oh good! Something is being done, after all. Let’s see how those rascals get out of this mess.” By the next morning, once reality kicks in, we know it was a particularly grim midsummer night’s dream. And even with more and more dirty details emerging from those clogged toilets err, CWG offices, Kalmadi and Co will still be around crowing about their myriad achievements. Besides, what’s the point in sacking him at this stage? That’s hardly going to salvage the doomed Games. Or get back our money.

I have a better suggestion for all those fat cats who have traipsed around the world at tax payers’ expense looking for the softest toilet paper : Why don’t we push them onto those high end 10 lakhs a grunt treadmills and get them to sweat away their culpability? It would be in the fitness of things, surely. Let them be the ones to twist their ankles on poorly surfaced tracks. Why not use them as guinea pigs to check out the various facilities and risk their lives under crumbling roofs? Let the officials supervising synchronized swimming with just three participants training in America, get into the deep end of the pool themselves to make up the numbers. Why not televise Darbari’s open darbar as he explains all the wheels within wheels and deals within deals – as a reality show, it would give Salman Khan’s latest gig a run for its money.As for those flower pots bought for a staggering 30crores ( money plants , suddenly got a new meaning), since they have been dubbed a security risk, perhaps our weight lifters can put them to some use, unless of course, an 80 crores order for dumb bells ( diamond studded and made out of pure gold ) is already in place . Now what do we do with the substandard 14 synthetic surfaces at the R.K.Khanna Tennis Complex? Why not chop them up and sell them at Mumbai’s Chor Bazar as imported from Australia carpets? That way, we’ll be able to recover a part of the monumental cost. In fact, we in India excel at recycling any damn thing and this is our opportunity to do so – nearly everything we have paid the top buck for has the potential for reuse ( except the toilet paper). Maybe that was the whole idea. Maybe the shopping list has already gone out to interested parties to submit tenders. Because that’s us – geniuses when it comes to making money several times over from the same product.
The real fault lies with the name of the games. Who told the organizers to call them ‘Common Wealth Games’ in the first place?Why blame our officials for taking that literally? It is not their fault if they thought the ‘wealth’ was indeed ‘common’ – and decided to share it generously with family and friends. Now look at all the misunderstanding that has caused! Hardly any time left, and there is still some wealth that remains to be shared. Indian tax payers are most understanding. They realize it is a matter of national prestige. They won’t mind if some more funds are allocated at this stage. They also won’t say a word if the Games do get cancelled and the insurance companies refuse to pay up. Our citizens are asli patriots , “ My country first…” they vow,even as ficticious Swiss and British companies pop out of the woodwork and nimble officers pole vault over damaging evidence. One thing has been established clearly during these Games – Kalmadi and his cronies can create new world records for Hurdles, Long Jump and High Jump. They have excelled in all three and are getting ready for the decathlon. But it is the stamina required of a determined long distance runner that will eventually provide a few key answers to investigators. That is, if anyone is at all serious about getting to the bottom ( Oooooops! Wrong word) of this scandal.
One question ; Now that India has discovered toilet paper, what happens to the lowly lota???