Sunday, August 8, 2010

CWG : Bottoms Up!!!

GUYS. i HAVE HAD AN INSANE WEEK.THE WEEKEND IS LOOKING EQUALLY NUTS.MORE TONIGHT .... BUT DEFINITELY TOMORROW.
**************
Let the real Games begin…ha ha ha

Let’s call it the best bum deal in the world! Going by reports CWG athletes will be completing their daily ablutions in right royal style ( though, most of today’s kadka royals cannot afford such absurdities ). Toilet paper rolls at 4,000 bucks a pop, are what will define the stink created by the corruption corroding the prestigious Commonwealth Games. People may eventually forget the treadmills , taxis and poorly finished surfaces. But who can ever get over Kalmadi and Co placing orders for the priciest butt cleaning paper in the world? Scraping the bottom of the barrel….? Eventually it was the infamous ‘Let them eat cakes…” quote that got Maria Antoinette into big trouble. She, poor lady, had her head chopped off.But here in India, heads never roll… the only thing that ever does, is currency. So why are we feigning surprise at what’s going on? Is it the monumental scale that’s getting to us? As if to say, ‘Thoda thoda corruption is fine. Chalta hai. But this is too much, yaar!” It is this staggering and brazen flouting of all rules that has finally made us sit up and demand explanations. Frankly, it’s a bit too late in the day to do anything about the gargantuan mess. Let’s face it - what are the options? Scrap the bloody Games and book the culprits? That’s not going to happen. Sorry to bring in a sidetrack ( as they say in Bollywood), but has anything of consequence happened to the top bracket star cast of the IPL saga? Similarly, in this sordid drama too, a lot of noise will be made across news channels. Heavy duty panelists will hold forth. A couple of sting operations may get the sluggish TRPs going into overdrive, there will be a few more exposes …. finito. All of this is seen as entertainment of a nasty kind - a night cap that helps viewers sleep better. We go to bed thinking, “Oh good! Something is being done, after all. Let’s see how those rascals get out of this mess.” By the next morning, once reality kicks in, we know it was a particularly grim midsummer night’s dream. And even with more and more dirty details emerging from those clogged toilets err, CWG offices, Kalmadi and Co will still be around crowing about their myriad achievements. Besides, what’s the point in sacking him at this stage? That’s hardly going to salvage the doomed Games. Or get back our money.

I have a better suggestion for all those fat cats who have traipsed around the world at tax payers’ expense looking for the softest toilet paper : Why don’t we push them onto those high end 10 lakhs a grunt treadmills and get them to sweat away their culpability? It would be in the fitness of things, surely. Let them be the ones to twist their ankles on poorly surfaced tracks. Why not use them as guinea pigs to check out the various facilities and risk their lives under crumbling roofs? Let the officials supervising synchronized swimming with just three participants training in America, get into the deep end of the pool themselves to make up the numbers. Why not televise Darbari’s open darbar as he explains all the wheels within wheels and deals within deals – as a reality show, it would give Salman Khan’s latest gig a run for its money.As for those flower pots bought for a staggering 30crores ( money plants , suddenly got a new meaning), since they have been dubbed a security risk, perhaps our weight lifters can put them to some use, unless of course, an 80 crores order for dumb bells ( diamond studded and made out of pure gold ) is already in place . Now what do we do with the substandard 14 synthetic surfaces at the R.K.Khanna Tennis Complex? Why not chop them up and sell them at Mumbai’s Chor Bazar as imported from Australia carpets? That way, we’ll be able to recover a part of the monumental cost. In fact, we in India excel at recycling any damn thing and this is our opportunity to do so – nearly everything we have paid the top buck for has the potential for reuse ( except the toilet paper). Maybe that was the whole idea. Maybe the shopping list has already gone out to interested parties to submit tenders. Because that’s us – geniuses when it comes to making money several times over from the same product.
The real fault lies with the name of the games. Who told the organizers to call them ‘Common Wealth Games’ in the first place?Why blame our officials for taking that literally? It is not their fault if they thought the ‘wealth’ was indeed ‘common’ – and decided to share it generously with family and friends. Now look at all the misunderstanding that has caused! Hardly any time left, and there is still some wealth that remains to be shared. Indian tax payers are most understanding. They realize it is a matter of national prestige. They won’t mind if some more funds are allocated at this stage. They also won’t say a word if the Games do get cancelled and the insurance companies refuse to pay up. Our citizens are asli patriots , “ My country first…” they vow,even as ficticious Swiss and British companies pop out of the woodwork and nimble officers pole vault over damaging evidence. One thing has been established clearly during these Games – Kalmadi and his cronies can create new world records for Hurdles, Long Jump and High Jump. They have excelled in all three and are getting ready for the decathlon. But it is the stamina required of a determined long distance runner that will eventually provide a few key answers to investigators. That is, if anyone is at all serious about getting to the bottom ( Oooooops! Wrong word) of this scandal.
One question ; Now that India has discovered toilet paper, what happens to the lowly lota???

39 comments:

cmpershad said...

" ‘Thoda thoda corruption is fine. Chalta hai. But this is too much, yaar!”
Take care of pence and pounds will take care of themselves:)

lowly lota is not for commonwealth but for common man :) :)

Theyoginme said...

Hilarious article ....

sidhu said...

Mr.kalmadi& co. are shouting from the rooftops that there is no corruption and they are ready to face any enquiry.let the investigative agencies give a chance so that the charges of corruption gets proved.also,if we keep ridiculing ourselves at the standard of arrangements made,it would send a wrong sign to the rest of the world.all these negativity sorrounding the games may dampen the spirits of the participants who worked really hard for the games.we should remember that there is still time for us to damage-control....if at all there was any corruption.any misappropriation of funds shall be looked into AFTER the successful conduct of the games.the television channels would do well to maintain restraint till then.

Pratap said...

"if at all there was any corruption.."?

Forget the 4K toilet paper and 90K computer rentals...
The facts are:
- 250K+ Pounds were paid without a contract to AM Films
- The MEA says the email sent by the Indian High Commission and that brandished by Kalmadi were not identical
- HM Revenue and Customs says that AM Films was expecting a further 25K Pounds per month for 8 months for costume designing
- There are emails from Sanjay Mahendroo of the OC to AM Car Rental dictating car rental rates - a customer telling the vendor how much to charge - and that too at atleast twice standard market rate

What more proof of corruption do we need?!

"ridiculing ourselves at the standards of the arrangements made..."
If the arrangements are ridiculous they are ridiculous - period.
We are known to pull rabbits out of our hats at the last minute. I think we have run out of rabbits this time

I do feel for our sportspersons who have worked hard to compete at these games - no question about that.

But I will not toe the Congress line that say/do nothing now and do everything post Oct 14.
That time they will say Obama is coming, lets not say anything that will tarnish the country's image!
And we will back in Delhi Riots and Bofors land...

krunal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Advaita said...

madam... we are a bunch of coward people and our ministers are glad that we are :-)
is it not the height that nowadays corruption happens openly?? why?? because they are so confident that nothing, absolutely nothing can stop them.. wo aankhon ki sharam hoti hai na wo bhee khatam ho gayee hamare mahaan desh se..

sunil golcha said...

we should thank mani shankar aiyar for blowing the whistle

Pooja Rathore said...

Prestigious( MA de u used the right word) CWG - The people involved have done everything possible to take out the prestige of our country some politician even went to the extent of praying and wishing that CWG should flop( how can anyone say something like that ,whatever may be the differences Nation comes first a man who cannot think good of his nation can never think good for anyone one should never trust that person( if you dont love your country you cannot love anything)though picture does not seem very positive all we can do is think positive .

a said...

@ Shobhaa : Firstly a warm welcome to the "lowly lota" class.. I always thought that you were one of those who had pledged her loyalty to the "tissue paper" class that you speak about in your article today. Some people classify us as the "Haves" and "Have nots" but your terminology is far more "sexier".. hey I'm picking up on some good writing skills, ain't I??

Now now Shobhaa, these CWG guys just came out with their defence that 100 tissue paper boxes cost the Indian tax payer Rs.3700 which works out to about Rs.37 a box.. hmmm... but these CWG guys don't get it do they? it's not about whether the one tissue box costed 3700 bucks or whether a box of 100 did.. It's about making an entry into the new brand of "lota socialists"...aah and how well have you done to co-opt yourself to this group which is adorned by the much admired Amarji, Anilji and others.. all true "lota socialists".. samajwadis... and you are right up there..

You know Shobhaa, the CWG guys will never understand that we don't want their clarifications.. so what if they say that all the overlays were globally tendered for in a transperant manner and went through a due process that was overseen by govt. officials? and we, the media, got it hopelessly wrong on the tissue paper and umbrellas... Arey bhai are we, the "lota socialists" supposed to be objective and yellow at the same time? Arey when was the last time our darlings from Stardust claimed that they were in pursuit of objective, noble journalism? Now when will they understand that objectivity is like boring foreplay. All we enjoy is screwing baba!!! ( with a pen of course). And so what if we make some claims, no matter how unsubstantiated and baseless they may be and how tarnishing they may be for India's image.. We, the true "lota socialists" will stop at nothing in our fight against corruption (whether the allegations are true or false)

Now now SRK may have said this about you Shobhaa "She's a joke. She can't be taken seriously. I mean, I like her, but at the end of the day she's cynicism dressed in a designer sari. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She wakes up every morning and decides who she should target that day, so that she can sell a few more saris. I feel sorry for Shobhaa." or our young little Sonam Kapoor may have have called you a "fossil" (was she talking about your age or your writing? got to check with her) but I welcome you whole heartedly into our "lota socialists" brigade. And now that you are one of us, I wonder if your next article on corruption will talk about how rich liquor barrons/businessmen, who have no political ideology but loads of money bags, make it to the Rajya Sabha on tickets of small regional parties and then in a clear conflict of interest serve on Parliamentary Committees that have everything to do with their business interests? Arey bhai, there is no room for, as you call it, "thoda thoda corruption" even if its by our own friends who may take us all to Monaco for the most lavish Formula One weekends.. Unless we feel, as George Orwell says in Animal Farm "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others"...

Hmmm as far as this "lota socialist" is concerned... Ma'am I'm inspired by you. No more parties, no more air kisses... darlings we gotta fight Corruption. Dilip, where's my pen and my glass of bubbly and what is this PDS.. I hear there's a lot of corruption there too??

Social kitten cum "lota socialist",
S

a said...

@ Shobhaa : Firstly a warm welcome to the "lowly lota" class.. I always thought that you were one of those who had pledged her loyalty to the "tissue paper" class that you speak about in your article today. Some people classify us as the "Haves" and "Have nots" but your terminology is far more "sexier".. hey I'm picking up on some good writing skills, ain't I??

Now now Shobhaa, these CWG guys just came out with their defence that 100 tissue paper boxes cost the Indian tax payer Rs.3700 which works out to about Rs.37 a box.. hmmm... but these CWG guys don't get it do they? it's not about whether the one tissue box costed 3700 bucks or whether a box of 100 did.. It's about making an entry into the new brand of "lota socialists"...aah and how well have you done to co-opt yourself to this group which is adorned by the much admired Amarji, Anilji and others.. all true "lota socialists".. samajwadis... and you are right up there..

You know Shobhaa, the CWG guys will never understand that we don't want their clarifications.. so what if they say that all the overlays were globally tendered for in a transperant manner and went through a due process that was overseen by govt. officials? and we, the media, got it hopelessly wrong on the tissue paper and umbrellas... Arey bhai are we, the "lota socialists" supposed to be objective and yellow at the same time? Arey when was the last time our darlings from Stardust claimed that they were in pursuit of objective, noble journalism? Now when will they understand that objectivity is like boring foreplay. All we enjoy is screwing baba!!! ( with a pen of course). And so what if we make some claims, no matter how unsubstantiated and baseless they may be and how tarnishing they may be for India's image.. We, the true "lota socialists" will stop at nothing in our fight against corruption (whether the allegations are true or false)

Now now SRK may have said this about you Shobhaa "She's a joke. She can't be taken seriously. I mean, I like her, but at the end of the day she's cynicism dressed in a designer sari. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She wakes up every morning and decides who she should target that day, so that she can sell a few more saris. I feel sorry for Shobhaa." or our young little Sonam Kapoor may have have called you a "fossil" (was she talking about your age or your writing? got to check with her) but I welcome you whole heartedly into our "lota socialists" brigade. And now that you are one of us, I wonder if your next article on corruption will talk about how rich liquor barrons/businessmen, who have no political ideology but loads of money bags, make it to the Rajya Sabha on tickets of small regional parties and then in a clear conflict of interest serve on Parliamentary Committees that have everything to do with their business interests? Arey bhai, there is no room for, as you call it, "thoda thoda corruption" even if its by our own friends who may take us all to Monaco for the most lavish Formula One weekends.. Unless we feel, as George Orwell says in Animal Farm "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others"...

Hmmm as far as this "lota socialist" is concerned... Ma'am I'm inspired by you. No more parties, no more air kisses... darlings we gotta fight Corruption. Dilip, where's my pen and my glass of bubbly and what is this PDS.. I hear there's a lot of corruption there too??

Social kitten cum "lota socialist",
Shehzad

Anil Kumar said...

The MUTED silence of Sardar Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi and not giving even a single statement on this issue on national channels is truly amazing.

HOW SHAMELESS are these two OLD BASTARDS.

I will ask every Indians to start peeing at every CWG game venue to show the true colours of the nation. Bring in loads of Gutka, PAAn, Beedi and become a Bihari Pichkaari in the process and START SPITTING around metros, STADIUMS, vvip AREAS ETC.....The world I am sure will ENJOY the true India.

Will the REAL INDIA STAND UP THIS TIME?

Appu said...

If paper is a discovery; squat was an invention.

RAJ47 said...

The lowly lota was and will always remain "bin painde ka"

ms said...

ahem, mz de. by mentioning the *ota, you are rushing into areas where angels fear to tread (in india they dare not since every imaginable surface is covered in excreta). please do not raise the topic of toilet paper - no need to rub it in. daily i learn the extent to which kalmadi and co have been padding the expense account. recently i drove by a structure under construction and prayed that it would be completed by the CWG date. then i was informed that this stadium had already been completed and declared a huge success by mz dikshit and mr gill! then i went over what i thought was a "bmx track" near city centre. yes, that's correct - i had just experienced the "beautification of connaught place" scheme. every flyover and every metro rail bridge has created housing for the less fortunate. wah! wah! i will not mention the new T3 terminal at the IGI. enough said. when i return to this place post CWG, i expect to see the same dissaray and garbage.
but you have been so fortunate in tumchi mumbai: the greatest mystery has been solved: biharis are responsible for malaria epidemic! now we know what they smuggle in to maharahtra via their bags and food containers. arrest them all, i say!

Sunny said...

cwg is more in news for bad reasons. the more news abut the organizers, but nobody is uttering a word about the preparation of the atheletes. the money is spent on infras only( supposedly). no thelets is in limelite. this day i hate to call myself an Indian. It is someone raping and the one who got raped clapping. we cant do a bit.shhhhhhhh

*Aham* said...

wonder why sheela is becoming neela peela on the petty issue over the tissue?

anyways, corruption of a few hundred crores is no great loss, in this land the hawaala. it makes sexy copy too.ipl to cwg, foul play is as orgasmic as foreplay.





the tissue issue is probably the best way to exhibit that they have some love with the common man and common woman, and this is the best way of "getting BACK".

their love wrapped in a toilet paper.


poor kalmu darling is facing phukkat ka lochha, over back ka pochha.

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amapuna said...

Flower pots are now in the custody of Jyoti Singh. She will do the needful.

And probably, Idea will come up with an idea to use the mobile phone to save all the trees used for the pricey toilet paper...till then, the lota class will remain

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Satish Ashtaputre said...

Jai ho! Shobhaaji,your India is really Incredible & unstoppable (where matters can stoop to any level) Real superstar.I remember a song 'It happens only in India'.Like IPL,CWG fracas will also go d same way,only newspapers & newschannels' stocks will go up;nothing else.

rt said...

I wish we cud question in such plain words and ask kalamadi and co to explain in public- no excuses.just facts.
and yes make them all do community labour- from cleaning the junta toilets to sweeping delhi streets and everything possible for next year or so- till we get it clean.

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Divya Virmani said...

Corruption has always been in our country and it's there to stay there... forever and ever. Unless we, the young India plan to take charge of everything. However, even that is not possible because from making a birth certificate to getting a visa to managing IPL/CWG games, every damn thing mandates some sort of corruption else nothing goes to the next level. I doubt that there is any kind of solution to this problem. We can only 'hope' that someday we'll get corruption free. And btw, only the 'lowly lota' quota has the ray of hope. People under the category of 'lota socialites' are already living life 'king-size' and don't give a damn about corruption.

Infact, it's the 'lota socialites' itself who ignite the corruption in our desh!

NAT said...

Shobha,

You have so far not said a word on one of the major issues that have caught the working class people, (ones who do not have a car)who use public transport, autos, taxis.
They have initiated a meter jam on the 12/08/2010 to protest against the taxi and auto drivers fleecing the public with trumped up fares, and worse still refusing a fare, even when his flag is up for hire.
Thousands have promised not to use these services on D day.

Though the above comment is not completely related to your topic of corruption, we must note that the public is getting agitated. They are tired of being pushed around. They need some good leaders, and now there are signs of this becoming true.
Once this first hurdle/speed breaker is done with, I have a gut feeling that these protests will take over, and demands will be made for a better quality of life.
If they (taxis,autos,public transport)can strike at a drop of a hat and get what they demand. Why should the public not have some relief, especially when they have to foot the bill, by way of taxes, fares etc.

The authorities will have to be answerable, and pay for what they have done for these 60 decades plus.
This will include all the corruption and rot/filth.

Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping against hope.

Cheers.

Norman

The latest is that Mumbai is the filthiest City.
We should work to set things right.

NAT said...

Sorry 6 decades, not 60 plus.

Norman

Sidhusaaheb said...

"The real fault lies with the name of the games. Who told the organizers to call them ‘Common Wealth Games’ in the first place?Why blame our officials for taking that literally? It is not their fault if they thought the ‘wealth’ was indeed ‘common’ – and decided to share it generously with family and friends. Now look at all the misunderstanding that has caused!"

Apparently, I (http://twitter.com/sidhusaaheb) was thinking about the same thing around the same time as you (tweet published on Aug 5th). Great minds think alike?

:D

Rahi said...

CWG is a wake-up call for us. We must fight corruption. It’s now or never. Here are five ways to stop corruption :
Vote: Voting is your constitutional right so get informed, take responsibility and cast your vote. It's one way of ensuring your voice is heard.
Demand Accountability: In a democracy like India, the Government is responsible & accountable to its citizens. So more power to Right to Information Act, ask questions!
Be The Change You Want To See: Want to curb corruption? Keep yourself updated about political, social & economical developments & better your sense of right and wrong.
Educate: Fight corruption by creating awareness & educating people about their rights. If you know something isn't the way it should be, protest!
Participate: Live you beliefs and be an active voice in society. Gather the courage to fight and remedy the situation. Remember, each voice matters!
Source: http://www.jaagore.com/issues/corruption/details/fiveways

Vel said...

Here is an interesting article to tell you the other side of the story. http://dashingbytes.blogspot.com/2009/12/making-light-of-guru.html

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Radhika Gupta said...

People of the commonwealth organising body have surpassed all the heights of corruption...It's really sad to see what kind of people are governing us... Public is weeping but the government is sleeping!!

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Joseph said...

is it not the height that nowadays corruption happens openly?? why?? because they are so confident that nothing, absolutely nothing can stop them..

I will ask every Indians to start peeing at every CWG game venue to show the true colours of the nation. Bring in loads of Gutka, PAAn, Beedi and become a Bihari Pichkaari in the process and START SPITTING around metros, STADIUMS, vvip AREAS ETC.....The world I am sure will ENJOY the true India.

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