How to pen a masala memoir...

This appeared in Sunday Times...

Tony Blair has done the full monty… well, almost! Don’t we just love it!! At last, a memoir that hits all the wrong notes and the right spots! Deliciously candid, outrageously readable and mercifully, indiscreet! Thank God for Blair’s political incorrectness. This is the stuff good masala memoirs are made of. And fortunately for hungry readers there’s one brave man out there willing to let it all hang out…. err… literally. Now that Britain’s ex- prime minister has informed the world about his boudoir conduct ( “ I was an animal in the bedroom,”), perhaps it won’t be too much to ask his wife Cherie to write her version titled “There’s a tiger in my bed.” He goes on to brag that women find politicians irresistible since power is an aphrodisiac. He merrily justifies what he calls a ‘free bird impulse’ to have affairs, adding, “ There is a moment of encounter, so exciting, so naughty, so lacking in self control…” it provides a thrill that is like ‘‘an explosion of irresponsibility.” Is this a grown man blathering on about male sexual fantasies or a frisky schoolboy salivating and leching in a girl’s dorm ? It hardly matters. The book is likely to sell millions of copies and find zillions of takers for the juvenile justifications it offers on matters sexual and political. It should be read in the same spirit it has been written – come on, Tony is entitled to reveal all. It’s his book. Statecraft meets the Kamasutra meets Lady Chatterley’s Lover - that adds up to a whopping, international bestseller! What’s the bet his publisher has also become an animal, in and out of the bedroom? By the time the numbers roll in, there may be a veritable zoo in Blair’s boudoir.His take on statecraft and bodycraft are both equally engaging, equally shallow. But it is refreshing as hell to come across a 700 page tome that goes beyond affairs of the state and jauntily jumps into risqué territory – sexual affairs. Blair’s own passionate ‘affair’ – no, not with Princess Diana - but the very unlikely George Bush, may arouse hoots of derision in political circles, but it’s pretty rare for a politician to stick his neck out and stand by an old ally when the rest of the world has discarded the person. Going by the published excerpts, Blair and Bush were a little like Tom and Jerry or Laurel and Hardy playing war games.They rode into Iraq together and the world has never been the same again.
Memoirs work best when the person writing them is confident( or foolish) enough to tell all. If Blair admits that there was a stage during is prime minister ship when he was dealing with a G&T ( Gin and tonic) problem, often knocking back a stiff drink, along with half a bottle of wine over dinner, the revelation makes him far more human. If he confesses his attraction for the ‘People’s Princess’, but qualifies that her ‘emotional wildness’ scared him off ( even though he saw a bit of himself in her ‘manipulative nature’), one can completely get it. It is nuggets like these that are likely to make this a truly modern memoir, and therefore appealing to the aam janata across the world. Some of the anecdotes are amusing and cute – like the time Britain’s Queenie herself got down to doing the dishes at Balmoral , after slipping her royal hands into a pair of rubber gloves. It is a vivid and amazing image – can you imagine a single wealthy woman in India undertaking this humble, after dinner chore? And here, Blair is talking about his Queen – one of the richest individuals in the world. He claims three years out of office have given him time to reflect on his government. It has also given him the opportunity to trash rivals and his successor, Gordon Brown in particular. Bechara Brown is dismissed as a ‘strange guy’, someone low on ‘emotional intelligence’. There goes Brown’s female constituency!Blair watchers should see ‘The Ghost Writer’, a movie in which the former James Bond, Pierce Brosnon, plays a thinly disguised version of Tony Blair penning his controversial memoirs.It had generated a lot of controversy when it was released… with good reason. It was a pretty telling film that followed a ghost writer’s scarey experiences when he stumbles on secrets that eventually cost the fictitious prime minister his life.The most shocking suggestion in the movie was that the British prime minister had become a total stooge of the American President, going so far as to suggest that the P.M.’s ambitious wife was an American agent ready to sell the country down the drain. Sensibly, the Blairs had ignored the film. Another movie titled ‘The Queen’ , had also projected Blair in an entirely unflattering light, showing him as a vain and self serving prime minister who cared only about his own image and little else. Blair ignored this one, too.
India emerges glowing away in Blair’s racy book and he has given the country a generous pat on the back (“… a shining example of a large nation, still developing, that manages to be democratic.”). Oh well… just for giving us that rather naïve certificate for good conduct, let us invite Tony to launch his book here. We can treat the Blairs to a special screening of ‘Peepli { Live}’ just to give them an idea of India’s experiments with democracy.

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Blogdosts, I am faced with a vexing question and need your help. I hate the idea of using this space for any kind of hard sell. A blog is not a classified ad. Now.... here's the tricky part - I have a new book that is going to hit the market shortly. Do you want me to keep you in the loop about the launch dates, reviews, and other events associated with a fresh title? Would you like me to share interviews, quotes, posters and other details here - if I promise not to indulge in over kill? Be totally honest, okay?? Frankly, I am very excited and would love to tell all . It is a special book and the cover is looking good. The trade has shown a lot of pre-release interest. But that is another story. This is as much your space as it is mine. I leave the verdict in your capable hands. As you are aware, this is not a monetized blog and I am not about to sell out. So relax! The views expressed here are entirely independent. Which is why I love this space and respect your opinions. Haan.... ya, na?

Mission statement made! Over to you....