Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Bebo's Style Bible...

 It's party time! What a super fabulous way to launch the imprint! I am on top of the world!


This appeared in Mumbai Mirror on Saturday....

                               Like a virgin…

Last week, I made my virgin trip to Assam. I am ready to make a shame faced confession, right here, right now : visiting the Seven Sisters was never a top priority. I was attracted – yes – but also apprehensive. The usual reservations : is it safe? Will I  get my head blown off by assorted insurgents? How does one even get to the North East? Stupid, ignorant reservations, I agree. And then came the invitation to visit. Daunting logistics followed. No direct flights to Guwahati from Mumbai… I was told it was easier and cheaper to go to Bangkok. But I wanted to go to Guwahati, not Bangkok, I clarified. WHY???? asked the bewildered travel agent. Good question. Many lousy excuses later, the trip was on. Well… media men, Zarir Hussain, and his older brother Wasbir , took care of all earlier doubts ( with a little extra persuasion from Arnab Goswami – a proud son of Assam himself). I was invited to present an Award ( Assamese of the Year) to Olympian Shiva Thapa – cute as a button and all of nineteen. Apart from this important event, I had long nurtured a selfish interest or two in visiting Guwahati. Dipping my feet into the mighty Brahmaputra that flows through the city, was one. And paying obeisance to Kamakhya, the Mother Goddess, who resides in a deep dark and wet cave ( the sanctum sanctorum of the ancient temple) was another. This historic pilgrimage site is perched  800 feet above sea level on the top of the Nilachal Hill. And here’s the interesting part :  Consider this - the Brahmaputra, which flows past Nilachal Hill, is the only ‘male’ river in India. I needed to check out its testosterone levels ( very alpha and most impressive).  Kamakhya being a Shakti Peeth, is fiercely female, the seat of Tantricism,  and perhaps the most important manifestation of female energy. The juxtaposition! Wow!  I, umm,  desperately needed my fix of unadulterated female energy. I am happy to report, I experienced an overwhelming surge of the same, as I crouched next to the natural underground stream in the cave ( let me skip the yoni reference) and tasted the icy cold water. It did wonders for my estrogen levels. I swear! And I exaggerate not when I say I emerged from the dark recesses of the cave into bright sunlight feeling like Angelina Jolie on steroids or Lara Croft unchained. I was ready to take on the world.
Legends around the divine power of Kamakhya abound. She is often described as the ‘Menstruating Goddess’ . The annual Ambubachi festival attracts thousands of visitors from across the world. The privacy of the Goddess is scrupulously maintained for those three days when the underground stream turns blood red  ( iron oxide). Childless couples throng the courtyard seeking divine intervention. Tantriks make a fortune, as believers sip a mildly intoxicating brew out of a monkey’s skull.Some blessed couples return a year later,carrying new born infants in their arms. Who can question faith and miracles? On its part, the ferocious Brahmaputra claims its own victims when it floods. A centuries old structure named ‘Urvashi’ juts out into the river and is closely watched by locals when the waters start to rise dangerously. It is believed the town of Guwahati will get entirely submerged the day the tip of the Urvashi tower goes under water.
I met several bright ,beautiful and accomplished ladies of Guwahati, including a senior cop. I asked them about the Kamakhya effect. Did they feel more empowered living in the shadow of the awe inspiring Devi? They exchanged looks and smiled mysteriously. One of them confessed coyly that the last time she had spontaneously gone up to her husband to give him a cuddle, he had looked up in alarm and asked, “What’s wrong?” She said, she had shrugged and said, “Nothing…. sorry!” Oh oh. I looked across the room at their husbands who were busy sorting out national and global problems. I figured the  macho Brahmaputra had exercised its effect on that lot. They were happy in their alpha heaven. As for us, we were left stranded on the banks of the male river, waiting for deliverance…despite Kamakhya watching over us. My own pumped up estrogen levels  were also rapidly waning. No worries. I’ll find me a new fix soon.


Pooja Rathore said...

congratulations De and tons of goodluck with kareena kapoor iam sure the book will do very well...Bollywoodstyle "Blockbuster"!
nice to read your post on Assam.

saurav saxena said...

hello Mem, first time i saw and listened to you in are amazing....

Ambika said...

Was wondering if you should bring out a sequel to Selective Memory!

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Tsomo85 said...

Macho Brahmaputra???? Urffff you mean our Yarlung Tsangpo????? lol After all he originated from my beloved Tibet no. Ladies from northeast ENJOY him while he last in India because pretty soon there will be no Brahmaputra in INDIA. Now that the Chinese government has already build the dam without even approval from Indian government. Poor Arnab must be so angry over this injustice to his land & people! :(
Aside from this, the great grand canyon of Brahmaputra has beautifully curved the image of Tibetan Dhakini Dorjee Pakmo on the landscape of Tibetan plateau. She is the Queen of Himalayan plateau and was once asur-ni but tantric goddess Padmasambava had embodied her the power of Devi & protector of TIBET, TIBETAN, & specifically HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA. She's 3rd highest rank spiritual icon of Tibet & my most favorite! :-) Interesting no!!! My home is all inspired by her energy!!!!


Tsomo85 said...

Ops! I mean tantric God not goddess. Typo. PS. If you ever wanna meet or see incarnated Dorjee Pakmo, visit Bhutan. I've learnt that's where she has resided!! :)

priya growar said...

It was very nice to read about people's faith in Brahmaputra River.
Its all, question of faith.

Tsomo85 said...

Question of faith or question of equal rights to our ecosystem??? Learn to question yourself how much you know beyond it's origin. How much you know about the power of H2O, nature, and etc???? Do you know how much Assamese are suffering after the blockage of their ancient river by Chinese government??? Do you've any idea that INDIAN government has done NOTHING to Chinese Govt over this smuggled act???? Do you've any idea about the lost of lifetime fortune over this single act of blocking a river to flow into INDIA????? I guess it's time for you to learn beyond faith. :( Chinese are already on way to power the entire south china sea. It's time to wake up!!!!!

Anil Kumar said...

It amazes me that "Kapoor khandan ki kati naak" Kareena's company is making you feel proud.

These are the bollywood bitches who have limited acting abilities but extra-ordinary abilities to reveal their skins. These shameless creatures with the help of Media have helped creating monstor men who have raped so many Nirbhaya's. Some Nirbhaya's are still alive but know the system is still in its infancy to protect them and have decided to KEEP QUIET.

As long as these bollywood sluts are made demi gods there is little hope for aam aadmi to raise their family with descent family values and without fear.

Isn't this the same bitch you once wrote on blog who said that Saif Ali likes my butt very much. If these filthy foul mouthed male/females are shown on TV and media as the role model - it tells that India is indeed for Chuttad people and its new motto is ==> khaao -- peeo - chuttad hilaaoo - and if some Nibhaya gets raped - cry for few days and then again - khaao -- peeo - chuttad hilaaoo.

Bharat Mata ki fus-fus....Bhrasht(corrupt) mata aur uske laadle ki jai.

Excellent !!

Sameera said...

Interesting. I always wanted to make a trip to the other, less visited side of the country.
Assam, West Bengal, Sikkim....

Jogeshwar said...

Nice juxtapositional article. As a young boy I had an opportunity to visit Sikkim as my uncle an Army officer was posted there. I remember Sikkim as a lush green state, rich vegetation, abundant waterfalls, understood and saw a landslide, getting used to daily afternoon showers. Noticing they were very different from the Northern Himalayas that I was accustomed to. Traced some of the Silk route. At the time I felt sorry for Sikkim on the development front. It was impossible to think of moving from one city to another without a 4wd vehicle, as landslides were frequent, as it was not the traffic snarls that were to be worried but the landslides.
Yes the usual reservations as well, in the more eastern states, Army travelled in civilian vehicles disguised in local outfit, due to risk of an ambush on a convoy in thick vegetation.
I believe unless and until tribals are not accorded their due rights there shall exist such divisions, we cannot continue to exploit them like the British. Also it is the broken ranges of North East forming an Umbrella like structure that trap the moisture laden winds which is largely responsible for monsoon in India and explaining high rainfall in the region.
Just for your kind information, studied recently in Geography that originally Brahmaputra, Ganges and Indus all flowed into Arabian Sea, but due to subsequent Earthquakes and land movements, Ganges and Brahmaputra started flowing into Bay of Bengal. Rivers are sacred indeed and recent research suggests interlinking of river basins is counterproductive, but do our politicians listen?

Anonymous said...

Unknown said...

How long do we have to tolerate this Anil Kumar and his foul words?

Anil Kumar said...

My apologies @unknown. I do understand your disgust at me.

I know there are very descent people who read this blog as well and have every right to be offended by my words. I sincerely apologise to those people. But there are hyenas in our country who are eating this country for their own personal goods.

My target is those who have great power and social responsibility to shape this country. Be it politics / media / judiciary and so on. I am thankful to Shobha De's blog because this is one blog which is read by many high profile people who have degraded our society and they do read comments sometimes. I have seen few changes when some very ugly/crude comments were written by me. May be its pure coincidence. I will give some examples -

1) The IPL cheerleaders have changed somewhat and you see little descency by some franchisee after I suggested that Lalit Modi and Ambani's daughter/wife should be made a cheerleader to cut cost even though they are fat and ugly.

2)Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao will probably never give consent to a song having words like DK Boss. Because the newborn which didnt come from Kiran's filthy vagina was tarnished to come down to their cheap level.

3) Gavaskar and Shastri were exposed as BCCI's chamcha..Their commentary is full of contradictions and protects BCCI's interests. It changes according to the score card.

4) Sardar Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi broke their silence on 2G and Nirbhaya's rape after they were scolded by comments on Ms De's blog. Arnab Goswami is the REAL man though - who deserve Bharat Ratna for taking on powerful and cornering them repeatedly.

5)Another bitch Barkha Dutt who is so pro-muslim in her views and NDTV's news coverage makes it look like Congress' official news channel. Barkha Butt got bitten by Radia tapes and her career has taken a beating. Hoping NDTV will also go down the drain soon.

6) Amitabh Bachhan's Bahu Aishwarya Rai was playing double games. Before her marriage she was giving kissing scenes to Rithik Roshan and on Diwali and Navratra she was coming to NDTV by wearing sarees in traditional Indian dress. I guess she got the message from Shobha De's blog and since the has stopped and realized it.

7) Amar Singh the cockroach who was fooling Amitabh Bachhan for sometime. After comments here he was shown the door since he was more interested in Jaya Bhaduri and Aishwarya Rai's company. The Bachhan's wisdom has rightly shown the door to him.

8) Nita Ambani will not celebrate these cheap IPL matches after Harbhajan Singh's finger went down under. I hope Shobha De must have asked her to read some comments. You wont see her running to the ground and hugging.

9) One crook who has twisted face is still at large. Hopefully Sharad Pawar will go to jail before being cremated.

The problem in our country is that polite/democratic form of comments goes in dustbin. But if you come down to their cheap level by using foul/crude language and make them feel ashamed - then you see few minor changes.

The real solution is still with suggestions of Kejriwal, Prashant Bhushan, Kiran Bedi, Yashwant Sinha and Shashi Tharoor. I don't have the wisdom of Kejriwal/Prashant Bhushan or patience of Anna Hazare. So whatever little I know - I present to these haraami's in print and electronics media and those living in Leuton's Delhi with foul and crude language.

Madhu said...

It never really struck me that Brahmaputra is the only river with a male name!!!

I personally think that Kareena is a beautiful woman.

Mr. Anil, she is not responsible for rapes. As a matter of fact I think she is doing a favor to the country by showing so much skin. At least a few perverts would pacify themselves in dark fantasizing about her.
It's completely uncalled for that you are blaming her for the fault of a few... How should I call them, animals.

Anil Kumar said...

A few perverts will sure pacify themselves in dark but there will be few hyenas who would pounce on poor girl like Nirbhaya and will still be fantasizing this bitch from Kapoor Khandaan.
The show of skin works when there is rule of law in place and people of that country have discipline, ettiquetts and respect for woman in their mind and fear of law. Since Indian male in general lacks all four of them - the results are all too familiar.

Media is amplifying their skin show and mind you these bitches show up on screen even when someone wanted to just see pure dull political news.

Indians have been thoroughly exposed as a sick community. They can go to moon but I guess they can never make quality road on the planet earth. We are so proud of this country.

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