Drag Artists... and more

Aamir Khan must have been paid a truckload of lolly to perform in drag for the latest Tata Sky commercial. He has taken the mythical Ardh Nareshwari image to a whole new level by splitting himself in half. One side (right) is a nagging Panju bride, the other, a chikna Panju husband. It is their suhaag raat, and guess what they are arguing about? Well.. forget that. It is such an old- fashioned ad, I am amazed that someone with Aamir's sensibility agreed to do it.I'm sure the fat endorsement fee took care of any reservations he may have harboured! Khair... the projection of the bride (in this day and age!) as an ignorant, dumb, irritating creature who fights with the bridegroom over a service provider, made me a little cross. This is funny?? But it also made me wonder why actors , whether from Hollywood or Bollywood love doing drag.And getting it wrong all the time! From Mrs. Doubtfire to one of my all-time favourite stars (John Travolta who camped it up in that silly musical "Hair''), I have been uniformly bugged. Bollywood thrives on such nautanki, as is evident in a string of lousy performances with top stars (including Bachchan) getting into women's clothing. Is it the falsies? The make- up? What is it that gives them such a kick?Howcome women are not as turned on playing men? They've done it, of course, and performed as horribly. I don't even understand the special challenge this poses to actors? Not every woman speaks in a squeaky voice, nor do a majority of women flounce around fussing with their hair , parandey, pallus and dupattas. Aamir has been married to ladies who are anything but stereotypes. He should have known better. But money talks louder than accurate representation. So be it.
Hari Puttar the desi version of Harry Potter is in trouble with the makers of the original, who have stopped the release . Knowing our wily\oily desi minds, we'll manage to wriggle out of this situation, too!
Oh... I have been Missing in Action for the past three days due to a whole host of reasons. Some of my best friends are... no, you'll never guess... whiz biz journos. Good to have gal pals like them (Manjeet, who is the head of Businessweek in India, Naazneen, who heads Forbes India, and Olga who runs the biz bureau of the Asian Age). Heavy duty bonding and brain storming cut into my precious Blog time. Plus, I did a couple of fun photo shoots for fashion glossies. BTW, what is 'Vogue India' thinking?? They've made the luscious Priyanka Chopra look like a vamp\witch on the latest cover. And Hello!! Has India run short of models? Why does every fashion magazine feature only movie stars? And insist on giving them hideous make overs???

Missed me??

Stop! Don't answer. Why force anyone to lie.... act polite .... and say, "Oh Yessss!" I'm not fibbing when I say I missed you.... missed this space. No excuse. Just one of those Never on a Sunday thingies. Meaningless, really. Not as if I observe the Sabbath, or was doing something exciting. Or was I ? Well... that depends on whether or not you find watching Mallika Sherawat 'exciting'! She's one gutsy creature, and I love her for it. Smart, too ( heard her on cnbc, and not once did she say,'ask mummy,'). Why then does she act in such dumb films? I went to see That Mughal -e- Azam nonsense just for her. And I was not disappointed - by her. She is incredibly hot, with a near perfect bod ( like Malaika Arora's... but more voluptuous). She acts better than Rahul Bose ( at least in this turkey), and sizzles more than Bipasha Basu in the Lucky Boy item number from BAH.BUT SOMETHING VITAL IS CLEARLY MISSING FROM THIS RED HOT STAR'S RESUME. It's called a HIT. Why?? Any answers?
If you ask me, MAXIM has got its ratings completely wrong. Deepika P IS THE 'SEXIEST WOMAN ON EARTH?' Are they kidding me? She would not win a Miss Dombivali contest - no figure, no sex appeal, no looks. I mean.... look at her closely. Go on... jawline? Too wide. Eyes? Bulging. Hair line? Untidy. Speech? Verni. Sure, she is graceful and can act reasonably well. But she ain't hot! She is not MAXIM material. Plain and simple. It's like Playboy bunnies and impressive chests. You don't make the cut unless you wear a D+ cup. Maxim falls into the same category. Just like a Sonam Kapoor or a Soha Ali Khan (unclad and airbrushed in risque lingerie) just don't cut it in the sex appeal stakes, neither does sweet Deepika, who is like a Kori roti - it needs fiery chutney to spice up the taste. Mallika is the entire masala ka dabba on her own. Huge difference.
But we all know how these so-called polls work. How easy-to-fix they are. It is all about the money, honey. Is anybody fooled? Naah.

Shraavan ka Maheena

The best thing about this month? FOOD!Last night I drove for an hour to reach Faral Heaven. I felt like I was back in my mother's kitchen, with my grand mother on hand, helping aie to cook up a feast for the family on a shravan monday. Some of the 'pakwanna' I sampled at Gypsy Corner, took me right back in time. I hadn't tasted bharleli vangi in years, nor enjoyed a delicious fresh tender peanut curry poured over steamed broken rice. Rahul Limaye deserves far more culinary recognition than his present one, which is as a Dadar phenomenon. Perhaps he is happy enough with his position as the undisputed Aamti King of the locality, but I would like him to receive the sort of accolades we reserve for a Rahul Akerkar. I mean, Rahul's a great chef, but we adore him because he is sophisticated,amiable, hip and successful. So.... he serves a great rissotto at Indigo. But wait till you try the other Rahul's (Limaye) masala bhaat eaten with oli kobi chi bhaaji. As for Limaye's range of freshly ground chutneys... omg... each one had a distinct flavour that perfectly complemented the dish it was accompanying.The thaalipeeth was outstanding, but the batata wada was the real star. If you think this was just another potato patty, think again - this was a symphony of tastes, blended into a scrumptious ball, served with a fiery red chilly-garlic chutney. The sooran kababs were terrific, too.And so was the die hard Dadar crowd (Mohan Wagh eats dinner there every night! Nana Patekar and Mahesh Manjrekar are regulars) at adjoining tables. I so enjoyed meeting Limaye's lovely daughter Aditi who is an accomplished chef herself and runs an independent catering business... besides supplying mouth- watering desserts to her dad's restaurant. I promptly called up Rashmi Uday Singh to share my discovery with her. She was on her way to Delhi but has promised to go hogging with me on her return.
My Friend Bhawana Somaaya was with us at the dinner, and there was much to celebrate - her latest book (translated from the original Gujarati)is called Krishna - The God who Lived as a Man, and is being launched by Rani Mukherjee on monday. Perfect timing.As she bit into a fried green chilly coated in aam chur,Bhawana outlined her plan for the evening.We continued the conversation over an exceptional cup of tea(lemon and ginger) at a Barista down the road. What a perfect evening! Pure bliss. When was the last time any meal reached those inaccessible, metaphorical taste spots on my tongue, inside my stomach, head and heart??

Ask Mummy....

Remember Sridevi's one and only quote when she was the reigning rani of Bollywood? No matter what Sri was asked by journos, her one standard reply was, "Ask Mummy..." Well.... that's exactly what the Bombay High Court has told the warring Ambani Brothers, believe it or not!! Poor Kokilaben. I would hate to be in her shoes. What the courts find too hot to handle has been conveniently passed on to Mrs. Ambani Sr. Like it is so easy for a mother to sit the two naughty boys down and say, " Beta.... aisey mat karo.... gas de do, na?" Justice J.N. Patel made this preposterous suggestion, even as Baby Brother Anil said he was willing to meet Big Brother Mukesh, 'anywhere, anytime,' to sort out the prickly issue . Fortunately, the Bench had the good sense to add that since this was not merely a family dispute, a quick resolution is in the public interest.Let's see how it pans out...
Meanwhile, the Shabana Azmi issue is hotting up - and how! She called this morning, but that was to invite me to stepson Farhan's movie 'Rock On.' Naturally, we got talking about the controversy and she expressed her distress at just one isolated quote being taken out of context from a lengthy interview with Karan Thapar. I suggested that she circulate the transcript of the entire exchange, in order to provide the full context. Don't know how much that will help. Often these things spiral out of control and snowball into a gigantic national controversy - which is exactly where this is headed. The film industry is taking sides, and now Shatrughan Sinha has jumped into the fray as well.Shabana will have to walk over egg shells for the next few days, till this blows over.But she is not an adept, seasoned politician for nothing.However, some of her industry colleagues are not as intelligent or well-connected. Arshad Warsi should stay out of this and stick to Gandhigiri, before a short-'Circuit' takes place.
Since so many of my blogdosts have written to ask about Kiara's health, I am happy to report I just spoke to the vet, who is confident Kiara is responding to the treatment.As for those of you who want me to put up her pic (she's a real stunner!), I'll seek help from my youngest daughter Anandita. Till then, pray for her speedy recovery.
And Happy Janmashtami.

Vijender ki Jai ho!

The latest cutie\hottie on the block is India's boxer Vijender Kumar. Now that's a real success story. The guy is the son of a humble bus conductor who comes froma village of boxers in Haryana.The dapper six footer , as media reports describe him, is pure star material - from attitude (sticking his tongue out at lensmen), to focus and determination, this 22- year -old has it made. From modelling to movies won't be that hard a leap, and I'm pretty certain there will be dozens of talent touts\scouts chasing the winner now. If anyone can challenge Dhoni's supremacy in the endorsement stakes, it's this guy.
Meanwhile, my main concern is reserved for Kiara, my spirited Irish Setter , whose second home has become the vet's clinic. She has contracted tick fever, her spleen is enlarged and she is uncharacteristically droopy. But such is her temperament, she refuses to fuss or resist... that's the stuff a true champion (a perfect lady!) is made of. I am so proud of her.
As I am of Marathi Mulgi Madhu Sapre who is in town with her Italian husband to expand their gelato business. She came over last evening and we bonded over weak tea and Kolkata sandesh (God bless Amishi!). Madhu was looking like a bronzed sea goddess, tanned and fit. She is ready to catwalk at the forthcoming Couture week. I can tell you, she can outclass the current crop of trashy\tacky models with absolute ease. Now wouldn't it be terrific to see someone like Madhu in that Bigg Boss house? She is such a natural and her marathi\italian accent while speaking english would be a treat to hear.
Well.... off I go to chew on a bajra roti (with a generous dollop of ghee and a limp of jaggery - yummmmm).I am missing my daughters Avantikka (London) and Arubdhati (Dubai).All I want from them is a big hug, the dvd of Woody Allen's latest film 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' and Pond's Cold Cream. Yup. The search continues...

Daal Mein Kaala

What?? Two posts phataphat! What to do... I experienced blogging gadbad again this morning, when that post disappeared. If my good friend Olga hadn't sent me a Lindt Intense Orange chocolate at that precise moment, I might have burst into tears. It was sooo intense and yummy (zesty after taste), I decided to postpone weeping for a while and concentrated on sorting out my messy accounts.This was to distract me from the major credibility problems posed by the bakwas news about Jade Goody's abrupt exit on account of a cervical cancer scare. The whole thing sounds rigged and fully fake. Look at the timing. Would any sensible woman travel thousands of miles with such a grave report pending? Jade received the bad news on camera - of course! All these reality shows are bogus. Everything is pre-scripted and orchestrated - don't you fall for that bunkum.This particular House of Horrors is filled with handpicked characters - all of them equally dodgy. Notoriety sure does pay! Look at the line up of rogues. Rahul Mahajan ( keep those potties clean, boy!), what's his face Nirupam, and that comely moll Monica (we can see what Salem saw in her!).If they could, they would have roped in Maria and Jerome, too!
If being bad pays such rich dividends, why bother being good?
Jade Goody must have pocketed a neat sum for showing up. I sincerely hope the whole cancer thing was a hoax.

Rejoice! Successor found...

Here's some brilliant news! Nari Hira (the Magna bossman.... and my first and last boss)told me last night that he had found my successor. Never mind that it has taken 30 long years! But.... she's here, she's hot... and he will be unveiling her in the next issue of 'Society'.I know you can't wait that long to find out her identity, so let me reveal it right here, right now. Trumpets.... roll of drums.... the lady's name is Simi Chandoke (she was also one of Nari Hira's editors ). I am delighted... big bhoj off my shoulders. Congratulations Simi! Nari insisted I had become too establishment for his tastes ( well darling, I am not editing Stardust, anymore), and that Simi is the one who really, really rocks!! I completely agree. She sure does. I love her spicey, sexy, spunky column in Bombay Times. And the picture is delicious, too.
Happy , Mr. Hira ?? Ha. Ha. And welcome to the crown, Simi.
Gosh... do I hear several sighs of relief??