The real 'Queens' of Bollywood..

It is official. After 'Dostana', nobody will be talking about the Kings and Badshahs of Bollywood. It is the time of the Queens. Ranis to rule from this friday. No, Not Kareena, Ash or Priyanka, sillies. I'm talking about Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham. Gay is 'in' and how!! I watched the movie at a private screening, with several really young children (all boys) who weren't supposed to be there. Anxious guests were reassured by my off - hand statement : "Relax.... they won't get it," I stated airily. But guess what? They did! How could they not when every second person in the movie is gay ( real or fake), and every joke is a gay joke? Why there is an entire song devoted to being gay.Every conceivable gay stereotype is featured in the movie, including a limp- wristed, foppish Boman Irani in really bizarre clothes. 'Dostana' is a mish mash of several Hollywood films, including 'Three is Company,' but that is not its only sin. Watch it and discover your own list and favourite moments.
I shall refrain from commenting further since it is unethical to reveal more before the film's commercial release. Is John's butt all that it is cracked up to be? To find out, get to the movie theatre on time.... the butt is right up there as an amuse bouche.... not even an appetiser. Blink and you miss the bulge. Which one?? Awww... come on.... go figure. Jo dikhta hai, woh bikta hai, said Rakhi Sawant. John's butt has crores riding on it.... let's see if the butt delivers impressive returns at the box office.
Just finished nibbling on a delicately flavoured, rose petal sandesh from Sweet Bengal. I use it like a creamy cheese spread over a kadak, jeera seasoned khakra, while enjoying my evening cup of Darjeeling leaf tea. Blissssss!

Quantum of Boredom. Bond with the Worst!

Okay, all you Craig\Bond freakos and fans.... throw me out of a burning plane, riddle my body with dem bullets, make me drink oil..... but don't force me to say I liked this dumb film. For starters, I must be the only woman on earth who does not find Daniel Craig hot\sexy\devastating\irresistible. He is a chunky piece of meat.... but no heat. Am I mad? Do I need therapy? Glasses? Several martinis?? Maybe. But this guy leaves me cold. Thanda matlab Daniel Craig. As for the plotless \senseless mayhem that is trying to pass for a Bond classic, even Dame Judi looks bored - who wouldn't in her place? The new Bond babe - sure, she sizzles - literally so. She is half-cooked through most of the film. The Bond era is over. Sorry. Kill me for stating the obvious. I know the figures at the box office are staggering. But if you ask me why, I'd say Bond has become a bad habit. You have to watch the latest Bond, no matter how terrible it is. You know Bond will never die or get seriously injured even if he is nuked. So why watch a movie when you know the ending? And you also know it is always going to be the same ending??Senseless action in Bolivia, a trite plot, banal dialogue and the worst crime of all - no sex. In a James Bond film, for Chrissake!! No glamour either. No romance. Illey. Even the much looked forward to title track and the graphics were forgettable, devoid of the expected oomph. What does that leave? Oh, popcorn at Inox, and the promise of great 'Swati' snacks at the newly opened food court. BTW, the hall was half empty.And because I was so bored, I had the choice of taking a much needed nap or eating. Guess what I picked???

Nobel Nadine

How does one feel spending an evening with a living legend?? Nadine Gordimer wears her greatness lightly (like truly great people must!! And do). Her tiny presence is enough, given her towering reputation. She speaks with the alertness of an inquisitive bird warbling away.... her eyes are alive and watchful.... she doesn't miss a trick..... doesn't mince her words. She is firm and imperious, entirely in charge and on top of life. At 85 she travels the world restlessly, and observes the minutest details of her surroundings. Travelling with her lovely grand daughter Paule (whose sister is named Pascale!!!), Nadine's schedule in India was punishing enough. She was leaving for Kolkata at dawn and then on to Mexico, after meeting several Bong intellectuals , the guv of West Bengal, the press corps. Phew.I watched her eat a small serving of saffron rice with meticulous precision. She wanted to know all about gulab jamuns.... and papdi chaat, naans and parathas. Sprightly and vivacious, she was aware of being Nadine Gordimer - Nobel Laureate - but it did not weigh her down. She must have to process dozens of strangers a day, and force herself to be polite and charming to bores and pests. She does so like a trouper, a seasoned pro, never allowing the hint of a smile to leave her small, weathered, chiselled face. Her words are gracious, measured and queenly. She even flirts!! Discreetly pointing to a young and handsome waiter, she sighed, "Isn't he beautiful?" He was. She'd noticed! Nadine is a babe. A super babe. I want to be like her at 85. Now all I need is a grand daughter....

a brief goodbye

I am off to Delhi at dawn - aaaargh. Back on sunday. In time to have dinner with an extraordinary woman - Noble Laureate Nadine Gordimer. I am so looking forward to meeting a writer I have long admired. She will be in Mumbai briefly, en route to Kolkata where she is to deliver a keynote address. While in Delhi, I shall attend the Audi event at the German Embassy. I don't know too much about cars, but my husband is a fanatic. My son Aditya will be playing golf at the AUDI TOURNAMENT . And my daughter Arundhati is coming along for the ride. It should be good fun. On saturday night, I will crank up the system and go along with an event that is not the most exciting in my book - but who knows?
On my wish list is a stopover at Bengali Market, where I gorge on the best pakodi chaat on earth ( iced dahi with pomegranate seeds over the imli chutney.... yummmmm). I will also eat fresh gajar ka halwa with dollops of malai. No. I lie. I will watch others eat the halwa and feel virtuous about resisting.I am still in Obama mode - isn't the whole world? Pyaar ke side effects!!!

Hottie or what??

He's is smart. He is cute. He is hot. And he is Obama!! No prizes for guessing that one. I have just finished writing two columns on the guy. I now feel like he's my new best friend! I am sure a lot of other people the world over feel the same. Television creates a false sense of intimacy. It is like Ba or Tulsi from 'Kyunki..'. We all felt like they were family. I wanted to share dhokla and gossip with Tulsi and place my head on Ba's lap.With Obama, my thoughts are less 'pure'. At 47, this guy really has it all. He is almost too good to be true, with his picture perfect life, a photogenic family, and a mind that is so sexy, it turns on men and women equally.Once the world's honeymoon with Obama is over and the real business of actually running America begins for him, I am certain a lot of us will fall out of love with the guy, almost as easily as we had fallen in. But for now, Obama is eye candy at its most irresistible. His easy body language and the power over words ( imagine delivering a victory speech without a single pause or 'ummm', sans notes or a scap of paper) are awesome to say the least. But he is untested in the hot seat and will have to prove himself as an effective leader for the love affair to endure. The magic of Obama is the way he cuts across most barriers - race, colour, age, nationalities. I received rapturous emails from across the world. My German Literary Agent, Dr. Frauke Jung-Lindemann, was uncharacteristically effusive when she praised Obama. My teenage children watched Obama 's live telecast from Grant Hill, in awestruck silence. Friends sent jubilant text messages to celebrate his win! It was unbelievable. I think that is because Obama represented the Impossible Dream. When he said, 'Yes, we can..." we felt it in our bones, and it gave us hope. Unrelated to his vision. We believed in our own potential and dreams, even in hopeless circumstances and situations. He crept into our hearts surreptitiously. Now , the challenge will be to remain there....

golmal all the way

D-Day in America, and it certainly looks like a Formula One finish, with Hamilton pipping Massa to the Championship even after not starting in the pole position. I watched the man with the skinny arms and legs ( shame on you, Arnie!) at the polls and thought once again how made for the media the guy is. Compared to Grandpa McCain, Obama exudes pure testosterone, but in the best way. As I write this, three key states are still to kick in with their votes, and the Obama lead is pretty narrow. As an Indian, Obama is not our best best. He has been pretty unambiguous on several touchy issues (Kashmir). However, his naara for CHANGE is exactly what the doctor ordered, and we could do with some ourselves. Instead, what was the desi news focusing on ? What was taking a precedence over everything else tonite? A minister bounced off a flight and then assaulting the manager who refused to let him board when he arrived late. And a 21year-old bratty son of a Goa politician who finally surrendered to the local cops after the 15-year-old German girl he is alleged to have raped, was examined by docs to establish the veracity of her charge.Rohit the Rat, arrived at the cop shop in style (in an official car and with body guards!) while his father insisted the rat was being framed by rivals! A top Army guy, who headed the law wing was indited on charges of corruption. If all this is sounding ominous, well.... it is just that.Ominous.
I am dead beat. And dreading the drive to Mehboob studios tomorrow for an Elle shoot. But I adore the photographer Colston and always enjoy our shoots. The Chaatt puja will slow down traffic still further, but it is the stepped up bandobast that is really causing concern. My Bihari driver painstakingly explained the significance of the puja to me. Before adding it is the politicians who have converted a simple ritual into a national issue.Shambhu has been in Mumbai for fourteen years. He doesn't speak a word of marathi and barely knows any roads besides Marine Drive. But he is a good chap. And would give his life for me. Raj would be lucky to have Shambhu as his chauffeur! Good night guys. We shall wake up to a brand new President of America.... Black or White is more than a Michael Jackson track, right??

So Un'Fashionable'...

Bhandarkar has done it again. Conned critics and audiences into thinking he has given them the real deal with a film titled (rather obviously!) 'Fashion'. It has its powerful moments and a few searing comments on that crazed world, but it is about as authentic a take on the subject as Rakhi Sawant's silicon implants or Ekta Kapoor's Mahabharata. Fully fake and somewhat faltu. But with Bollywood's present obsession with Gays, this film too spends far too much time on the gays in the catwalk biz than on propelling the story forward. Since this is meant to be an insider track on the subject, I expected something more insightful than a silly kiss-and-tell, in which the real kick lay in trying to guess the identities of the various characters. Is the blond Gay super bitch designer supposed to be Gudda? And is Harsh Chhaya's lisping Gay designer based on Tarun? Or Rocky? Or Vikram? In that case, who is the married Gay designer playing? Awww... it could be any one of the Delhi guys - those closeted queens with photogenic wives. But, if you are not in the know, does the film still work?? No, not at all. There are no less than 11 fashion shows strewn through the movie. Why not watch FTV instead? Better shows, better outfits and genuine style??
On the upside, the performances are first rate, though Kangana HAS BEEN SADLY SHORT CHANGED. HER CHARACTER WAS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN PRIYANKA'S. But one must hand it to Piggy Chops for accepting a role that demands one hell of a lot from the actor. And she has delivered big time, even if she is badly photographed and poorly styled to pass for a supersmodel.Mugdha was the surprise package - all toothy, leggy charm while delivering gritty performance , especially for a debutante. So...are all models coked out, chain smoking wine guzzling sluts who sleep around to get ahead.... and end up dead after od-ing on substance? Are their lives really this pitiable? Well, Bhandarkar sure thinks so.And maybe he has it almost right.But a movie that runs for three hours certainly needs more than a string of familiar incidents to keep the audience awake.madhur tried to ramp up his image - literally - but the effect was as gauche as his own tux at the Dubai premiere.
Why did I punish myself by watching 'Golmal Returns'? Don't ask. That too after a posh Cartier event featuring the most astounding collection of vintage cars. Monica Bellucci did not show up because her minders warned her about bomb blasts in Mumbai. However, Imran Khan who is accustomed to worse back home, did. And frankly, I find him far cuter. So, who's complaining??