Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Barbara - down the 'mori'......

For those who don't live in Mumbai and may not understand what a 'mori' is, let me explain. Or let me not. Crudely put, it's what Maharashtrians call a drain - the one in the corner of a small kitchen where heavy cooking pots are scoured. This rather unfortunate reference to the lovely Barbara Mori, is doing the sms rounds, and after watching 'Kites' last night, I can understand why. Poor girl.... she looks like across between Aditi Gowitrikar and Sameera Reddy. Not a bad thing necessarily - both are attractive and talented - but haven't quite made it in Bollywood. That in itself is not the only thing wrong with this disastrous movie - there's very little that's right.
But first the con job - when we sent for the tickets, the driver phoned from the ticket window to say it was nearly house full and only the most expensive seats were available. We said, 'Achcha - very good sign. Buy them." When we reached the plush theatre, it was entirely empty but for two other seats!!! So.... what happened to those tickets? Bought en masse by someone to prop up the movie???? It's an old, old trick.
Twenty minutes into the film ( even the limp popcorn was over by then), we were looking desperately for some sort of a story to begin - we'd have settled for anything!!! Ms. Mori looking considerably older than our Hritik, was making cow eyes at him - what else can she do without breaking into Spanish in what is billed as a Hindi film ( 20 half sentences throughout 'Kites' spoken in pidgen hindi really don't qualify )? Absurdities piled up ( along with cop cars) in a way that ought to make Anurag B shrivel up and die with shame. What a colossal waste of firang cop cars!!!! I managed to count 18 that get blown up for no logical reason ( did a major chunk of the budget go towards those idiotic crashes?)..... By the time the anti-climax rolled up ..... I was ready to jump off the nearest cliff near Mahad or Mahabeleshwar ( not Mexico) and join the suicidal screen lovers.
P.S. About the chemistry between Hritik and Barbara - it was combustible. I'm sure audiences could smell those hormones - amigos, you ain't fooling nobody!!!!

29 comments:

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

No matter what the movie is You have seen And money is gone now.

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Scarlett said...

Or maybe the multiplex gave you false information to make you buy the most expensive tickets! Since they weren't making any money from this movie anyway, they may have thought it would be a good idea to sell the few seats that do sell at the highest price.

PS: I thought Barbara Mori was the only good thing about the movie.

*Aham* said...

Kati Patang to Phatti patang, the film ka fate toh was predicted.

Just that i thought Basu will make a dhaansu film anyways. But reading reviews, i have a gut feeling that Mori Lands in gutter. literally, metaphorically, and realistically.

and i know, i know INOX is the name. :) and this is how they call their film a HIT. by doing jhoot-moot ka drama to make-believe blockbuster hungama.

UjSen said...

I haven't seen it, and those who have, advise me to find some better use for those two odd hours...but I will.... out of curiosity...just to see how and why a movie can go that bad.

numerounity said...

I have seen it and, loved Mori to the hilt. Pre release my friends suggested its going to be a blockbuster whereas i predicted that movie will live down the hype and may not be as good! I won, they lost :0)

I wanted to see the movie but critics n some fren gave such a bad review that I went with a negative expectation. BUt guess what? I liked it. In fact I loved barbara n hrithik in this. There were certain things that were hard to gulp but ain't our hindi movies r like that? :)

Tip 1: This is not love n dance movie as many predicted. So keep ur expectation clean!

Tip 2: Not a movie to watch in group.

Tip 3: This movie is not bad unless ppl ve forgotten to pick their brains back from the entry door of movies like houseful etc!

Gulshan said...

Guys u must remember this movie is made by Indian team for a foreign audience… got it… NO…. neither do I…..

A godo movie is a good movie..my friend love lagan here with a movie length of zillion hours + not many angrezi dialogues…

The movie is ok and one time watch…not the hype that surrounded it…

Sidhusaaheb said...

You should find out what 'mori' means in Punjabi. :D

Actually, it probably is very close to its meaning in Marathi.

Anil Kumar said...

Sherlyn Chopra has gone NUDE if our absurd media is to be believed. All those women who are tailor made, open minded and don't give a damn to descency in public place must be feeling very liberated after seeing this "Kulta" in NUDE.

Seems like media is fuelling and inspiring the Bollywood sluts to explore their vagina in public.

Let's see who is next....Once people are bored with these young sluts...time will come and we will see the nude pose of old sluts like Shilpa Shetty, Preity Zinta and may be Aishwarya Rai...And soon there will be thousands of more sluts posing nude...all made in India and will be served here and abroad.

WELCOME TO AMERICAN CULTURE. WHAT BRITISH COULDN'T ACHIEVE IN 150 YEARS, AMERICAN MONEY HAVE EXPOSED INDIAN VALUES IN 10 YEARS. THEY BROUGHT THE INDIAN VAGINA UP FOR SALE WITHIN A DECADE...JUST LIKE IN THEIR USA.

Keep it up India....You deserve this...because those who are shaping this country are morally bankrupt and their stinking belly is too big to get satisfied with few millions.

Kuldeep said...

god, u actually explained what the "Mori" is. I hope u dont tell them different types of "Mori's" :)
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Delhi Goon said...

So much money, so little talent, and still growing by the day... the cancer of bollywood is amzing indeed.

*Harman* said...

its funny though how Mori is ..different indian language!!cant stop laughing!!

The Panorama said...

I was really looking froward to watching it bu now am not so sure. But you were brutal in your Shobha De style!! Loved it!!

AMIT said...

Hahaha i was also amazed that movie is said to be Hindi Movie because its a spanish movie mostly.

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goodluck said...

With this film hrithik landed himself in a mori, ala kati kite.

VikR said...

"Anurag B shrivel up and die with shame"......seriously?? I think you are writing blogs in hubris..as always if you do not get great yes great movies like 'Kaminey' dont thrash it, if you can not appreciate the scale and scope of 'Kites' there is no need to ask the director to die in shame....a dissapointed fan of your blog!!

Sun said...

VikR...does that mean you liked Kites????????

and what's so disappointing if Shobhaa expresses her opinion of the movie?

UjSen said...

Dude Mr, Anil Kumar, Chill. :|

ms said...

and she is BACK!
ahoy there, mz de! india is not ready for a cougar-romance, barbara mori's thundrous thighs or not! and to hear roshan baby going around blaming indians' lack of taste for disastrous boxoffice earnings, such a shame! if we as a nation can watch hours and hours of foreign films during foreign film festivals or on the world films channels, we could have easily sat through kites - if we could! even jaqueline from sri lanka was punished with an item number in housefull (which emptied cinema houses fast!!). oh no! just remembered that you actually loved the movie! forgive, forgive!

VikR said...

Sun - I dint like kites at all, but I will not ask the director to go and die in shame, it's absurd. There is nothing wrong with Shobha expressing her views, but as an opnion maker she should take responsibility and one does expect her to be fair. How can one accept that 'Pyar Impossible' and 'Dil bole Hadipa' are better movies than 'Kaminey'??

kirti said...

Haha..Ms De! Loved the way you drew parallels btwn Moori and Mori!! I guess even Ravan will be another bummer like Kites.It feels like havent seen good Bwood movie since ages! A romantic one,specially!:(

Priyadarshini Karanjai said...

I didn't get the end of Kites. Did they really die or was it the Dhoom 2 style ending... maybe all white clothes could help.. ;-D

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