Monday, May 2, 2011

Obama gets Osama!

Gotcha!!! It's taken the mighty United States of America nearly 10 years to 'find' the world's most wanted mass murderer. And where was the man ultimately found? Not in some remote cave.... not in an inaccessible jungle.... but in a luxury apartment not too far from Islamabad in Pakistan! Sorry.... but I have a major credibility problem . Look at the timing! Just when President Obama's ratings couldn't have sunk lower.... and even a man like Donald Trump could announce his intention to run for President, here comes the big news the civilised world has been waiting for. Osama ( just one letter of the alphabet separates their names!) has been located and killed in a 'firefight'. Conveniently, this important news is broken at prime time on a sunday! That gives Americans a chance to come out onto the streets and celebrate...especially in front of the White House. Overnight, Obama is Superman!
Chalo... theek hai. His second term is guaranteed. God bless America.... and yes, the world , too!
************
This appeared in the Sunday Times : A kiss is just a Kiss....

Aaaawwww! Come on, everybody. The silly season is upon us. Mid-summer madness beckons. It’s time to kiss and make up! Preferably in public. PDA is here to stay. Why not pucker up in right royal Windsor style and go for it? If Kate and William can, so can you! Yup. Even without an audience of four billion panting viewers across the globe. Minus a palace setting. A packed stadium will do… right Liz? Right Shane? Cricket fans are getting more than their money’s worth days these days, what with Siddhartha Mallya kootcie- cooing with Deepiks Padukone in the stands. And the ever dependable Liz Hurley going into a rapturous clinch with the even more dependable Shane Warne . Kissing in public has become an epidemic and is considered super cool. Everybody is hard at it. Seal it with a smooch, is the new celeb mantra. And see the difference it makes … to your image, maybe even, your fortune.
We strongly recommend this non-violent, far more effective approach to resolving tricky issues to some of our stodgy, high profile politicos. Suresh Kalmadi has passed his sell-by date on all levels, kissing included. So, he can sulk away in custody, shut his eyes for a long, long time to come, but chances of anybody offering to kiss the man and forgive him, are very remote. Chappals , not chummas for this bloke. Raja, however has a lot of takers. But he’s playing hard to get. As for Ajit Pawar, Maharashtra’s asli Lover Boy, he is pretty isolated as of now, with hardly any ‘Adarsh’ left.The only person who may oblige the guy, is his long suffering wife, Sunetra. In the same context, Vilasrao Deshmukh and Sushil Kumar Shinde could do with loads of TLC – not necessarily from their respective spouses, though. Both ‘Vaahinis’ are low key ladies who barely make eye contact with their husbands . Understandable. Those two are out! Also out is Sharad Pawar. One wonders… when was the last time Sharad Bhau kissed? Or received a kiss? Fifty years ago? Though, his daughter Supriya, can definitely buss hubby Sadanand publicly and nobody will blink. It may not be that easy for Kanimozhi to follow suit, unless she kisses Rajathi Karunanidhi, her beleagured mother( a kiss does not require language skills, and advancing years are not a barrier. So, no excuses for exempting the old girl this time). Amma may have a whole lot of serious making- up- before -breaking- up ahead of her now. But hey.. there’s a lot of Jayalalitha to love, as well! Mayawati is way too fierce for anybody to kiss.Khair, who knows? It’s hard to visualize Mamata Bannerjee cracking a smile, leave aside kissing her detractors. Ditto for Sonia Gandhi.But in their own individual interests, they could take the middle road and kiss a few hands… for Sonia, it would be a queenly gesture reserved for loyal subjects. All the minions have to do is bow deeply and kiss the air above her clenched fist as a sign of abject surrender. No dearth of takers for our Dimpled Darling. Rahul Baba’s countless acolytes will be more than happy to kiss a body part one normally sits on.Manmohan Singh and kissing don’t quite go together. In any case, where will the poor man draw the line? How many adversaries can he possibly placate at this point?Murli Manohar Joshi is definitely not in the mood to kiss the P.M. He could always take tips from P.Chidambaram ( none from Pranab Mukherjee, alas). Our P.C. could give Emran Hashmi ( Bollywood’s serial kisser) a run for his money in this department.Talking of air kissing in the prescribed manner, our netas could hire the services of prominent Mumbai-Delhi socialites to demonstrate the art of going cheek-by-jowl, pretending to kiss without any actual physical contact taking place. It is indeed an art…even if most amateurish players butcher the moment by planting a noisy peck on a reluctant cheek, or grimacing while dodging a clumsy attempt to grab and mwuaah mwuaah with the best of them.
Now, comes the sexy part. Our original stud muffins – those dashing cricketers ( also known as testosterone- in- motion) could win another World Cup in kissing.. Dhoni will attract wall-to-wall kissing partners if he so decides… fans who will willingly pose as foes for the privilege. Yuvraj Singh’s lips need some down time, or else he’ll have to be forcibly rested. We don’t want him on the benches and out of action, do we? Bhajji, too. He’s an expert ( when his vigilant mother is not looking over his broad shoulders, that is). Girls may be scared to kiss Malinga and get lost in all that wooly hair.But there are any number of takers for the dashing Pollard, as recent pictures will confirm. Saina Nehwal has beaten Sania Mirza in the kissable stakes. Badminton is suddenly sexier than tennis. So there. Leander and Mahesh are both taken ( by luscious ladies, at that). Rule them out, girls. I doubt Vishwanath Anand is a world champion at kissing, somehow. But boxer Vijendra Singh could well be.
The kiss of kisses is the one Corporate India has been waiting breathlessly for. It is a brotherly one. The day Mukesh and Anil end the feud by sealing and healing the rift with a public kiss ( okay, we’ll settle for a hand shake) the sun may rise in the West, and the moon may follow, but the huge sigh of relief that will greet this special moment will just blow the planets away and out of their orbits! Just do it, guys! Kiss… and don’t tell! Do we have a deal?

22 comments:

Uppal said...

The greatest strategist whe shook the all powerful America and was behind so many terrorist activities else where in the world is finally no more.How strange that Osama was not hiding anywhere but was living a normal life in a prestigious area near Islamabad!

cmpershad said...

After Saddam, Osama..... who's next :)

Arjun said...

Going by mounting domestic pressure, one thing most certain is that another direct invasion by the US led military alliance is unlikely in the near to mid-term.
By announcing Osama's death, it only signals the culmination of their war misadventures in the region, just like the Osama story, which the world was forced to buy a decade ago, and was reason for start of the dirt games at the outset.
Wikileaks, regardless of it's creator's nationality, is again is a well crafted American brainchild, has the potential to trigger cold war hysteria, and the world needs to beware of American chicanery.

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goodluck said...

You have left Saibaba alone.
So a sinner Osama and a saint Saibaba left this world with difference of a few days.
Pakistan has become the guest house for terrorists.
Mahesh Bhatt and other secularists will have pangs of despair.
Hope they will hunt and kill Dawood also because he will prove more dangerous.
God bless America. God bless Obama.

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Madhu said...

Yaar, who cares if the entire operation is only to glorify Obama. World is rid of one dirty terrorist and that is what matters.
I know justice is delayed but nevertheless, lets look at the brighter side...Osama is gone. Good riddance.

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Meher said...

Love Birds engaging in some Public display of affection is no big deal. Trust me, apart from news channels, being too jobless to run it again and again, not many are interested. But how can you link a smooch to some warring politicians? Lack of creative imagination, much?

rutuja said...

hahaha..well said madhu.. wish there was a like button on blog comments..

Ganesh Venkittu said...

Says Who that Mr. Obama is going to be re-elected?

as a man who voted for him I can say aloud to the whole world that I wont vote for him.

So long as GOP dont mess up with fielding a pusillanimous candidate, it has every chance to call it even.

The nation's problems are not solved by a mere death of a terrorist, no matter how wanted he is. We got economic issues to deal with, oil price shocks, high unemployment, and several more shocks to the real estate market to endure.

so - good job Mr. President, but show me the money on other matters is what Americans are going by

NAT said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Now I hope we do not depend on Uncle Sam to do our dirty job of getting the big D...

Cheers!

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Priyanka Singh said...

You are entitled to think what you like like all of us. However, let me correct you - Sunday Nights in North America are treasured by most everyone. They are meant for realxing at home before another gruesome work week starts. So if Obama had wanted publicity he would have chosen Friday or Saturday night and not a Sunday night. And yes I agre that he got his job done which is much MUCH better than our own MMS who doesn't dare speak a word against the Gandhis leave alone Pakistan. Lets see our Indian PM take such a mission ad go into Pakistan and kill Hafeez Saeed, he doesn't even have the balls to kill Azmal Kasab who rost in jail on taxpayers money. So lets not belittle this huge acheivement by the US government. They avenged the death of 3000 innocent civilians and they deserve a pat on the back and not bad mouthing. When we Indians get into Pakistan and kill the people responsible for 26/11 then lets criticise Obama. I would love a reply to this one Miss De

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