Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Masochistic Mumbai... ha ha ha!

Blogdosts, sorry about my absence. Since I don't possess a Blackberry ( only pimps and courier service delivery boys need one), I stay pretty unconnected when I travel. Have been doing a lot of that last week - Delhi and Hyderabad over four days.... and may need to repack that Samsonite yet again.
This was my first hand experience of the really, really swanky lifestyle of Dilli's billionaire 'farmers' who own as many Ferraris as tractors! Those amazing 'farm houses' are more like Italian pallazzos - decadent and gorgeous. How the super rich suffer! I agreed to be designer Ritu Beri's 'show stopper' at the ongoing fashion week - which must qualify as a fashion first ( am I the world's oldest show stopper on the cat walk - do check , guys). Did I enjoy myself? Hell, ya! Fashion is fun - don't take it or yourself too seriously!
Dr. Raghu Ram from Hyderabad may be equally wealthy, but his lifestyle is somewhat more restrained! With four FRCS degrees to his name ( yes, you got that right - FOUR!), the good doc left a cushy life behind in Edinburgh, to come home and set up a unique initiative for women suffering from breast cancer. This was after his mother Ushalakshmi was diagnosed with the disease a few years earlier. Since that turning point, 'Raghu' as he is popularly called, has made it his life's mission to generate awareness for the second biggest killer in the world. Every minute, a woman dies of breast cancer somewhere - that's a pretty chilling statistic. I was there to support this worthy cause and spread the word - early detection saves lives.
Between the event and interviews, I did make the time for the best biryani on earth, to say nothing of the mirchi ka salan. No matter what chefs across India claim about their version of Hyderabad's signature dish, it has to be eaten in Charminar City for the real gourmet experience. Everything else is synthetic - like the people of Delhi!
This appeared in Bombay Times yesterday and has elicited lots of wicked laughter!

Never a dull moment in Mumbai…..

Really…. this infuriating, frustrating and stinking megapolis drives you insane! But we , who live in this hell hole, can’t get enough of it! Call us Masochistic Mumbaikars…. but this city has an insidious way of crawling under ones skin… and staying there. Take a look at the past week’s happenings – action replay all the way. We have a miffed author ( Rohinton Mistry ), advising young Aditya Thackeray to read Tagore. Why Tagore and not Mein Kampf? We discover the Vice Chancellor of the Mumbai University has bluffed about his academic credentials. Terrorist Kasab goes on a spitting spree….nobody ducks. Kalmadi continues to waddle around claiming he was too ‘busy’ to attend the P.M.s felicitation function for medal winners. Sangeeta Jindal ( described as an ‘activist’ - that’s a hoot!), waltzes through Immigration and Custom’s with a crore of serious jools she ‘forgets’ to declare. Oh well… what’s a few solitaires here and there? Bebo and Saif offend presswallas by turning up two hours late at a promotional event. Mumbai traffic gets the rap for that one. Abha Singh, General Post Office Director, discovers a 200 year-old secret tunnel under the heritage structure. Wonder who played hide-and-seek in it? Balasaheb threatens a Burqa ban. Ouch! Robert Vadra boasts he can win any poll in India but prefers to sell brassware abroad. A historic movie studio ( Kamalistan) gets sold for a pittance. The lovely ladies of cricket ( Shilpa and Preity) refuse to hang up their gloves, insisting owning a cricket team is a passion and not a profession. Mallika hisses and hisses but the naagin finds no takers. Her fans prefer her kissing to her hissing, clearly. Niranjan Hiranandani says the CBI has victimized him. P.F. (poor fellow, not Provident Fund). Bipasha Basu confesses she weighs 58 kilos but was willing to don a 50 kilo outfit ( for 50 lakhs???). Ali Zafar, the hottie from across the border boasts he was going to make a rock star of his co-star Katrina Kaif. Err…. wasn’t she made one by someone else? The Ladies who Lunch, continue lunching and munching without ever gaining a microgram . Yes, even at some outrageously over priced restaurants featuring a great chef at an even greater price (cheaper by far to fly to London and sample his cuisine at his signature joint). Ekta Kapoor sort of announces her intention to find a suitable boy (NOW!!!) by turning up in semi-bridal gear at a soiree.Akshay and Twinkle make it known they won’t be hosting their Diwali taash party this year ( leaving all those who had spent hours and zillions on their taash outfit, feeling really dumb). But there is hope – Jumping Jack and wife will probably go ahead with theirs.Fresh forensic evidence found under Viveka Babajee’s nails suggests she had gotten into a violent fight before she died. But who’s saying it was with boy friend Gautam Vohra? Definitely not Gautam Vohra himself. Babies ( male , of course) continue to disappear ( a few reappeared as well) and the cops remain clueless ( what else is new?). And Arnab Goswami single handedly demolishes all arguments on every conceivable issue on his nightly panel. India shuddered and shook.
Now for the big news : Bombay Times turns sixteen over the Halloween weekend and every witch in town is getting that broom ready to zoom into the Taj and create havoc. Fortunately, most invitees, especially the society ladies, won’t have to try too hard. They look and behave the part perfectly. As for costumes, darling…. why not raid your own horrific wardrobes and scare the day lights out of the unwary?? Trick or treat, anybody??


rainboy said...

glad to see you back :)

anamika said...

Ohh you came to Hyderabad ...but i didnt c u in the newspapers :D

Anonymous said...

what's with Blackberry user bashing and the delhiites?

Pooja Rathore said...

i read the article( today Bangalore times)it was fun i liked it.

Liela said...

as always, you gave us a great article...thanks.

Wildflower said...

As interesting it is to read your work, can't figure out your reason behind clubbin genuine blackberry users with 'pimps and delivery boys'? There are those livin outside india for whom it is a sheer necessity and not a toy statement.

Dixy said...
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Radhika Gupta said...

That was like a quick and satirical news bulletin!! super cool!!

RAJ47 said...

Hi Shobhaa,
Did you not miss the Great Arundhati Roy speaking on Kashmir?

avidblogger said...

Hi Shobhaa,
I am one of the biggest admirers of your writing for many years now. However, i was a little disappointed to read your comment about the Blackberry users. I dont know what the scene in India is like but at least being a BB user for many years now i can vouch that its a great business phone for serious users.Also, if i remember correctly, you were always very anti fashion shows and always were critical of the numerous fashion shows being held around so much so that you actually supported your friends remark that now chauffeurs will be seen on the ramps. So then how come the sudden U turn just because you were invited to be a show stopper. I am not trying to be critical here. Just felt a little let down by one of my favourite authors and columnists.

**Addict** said...

"Fashion is fun - don't take it or yourself too seriously!"

Well said! love love your blog!


Divya Virmani said...

Love love loved this one! No apparent reason, just that your back with a bang. Perfect way to sum up an entire article by mixing every single masala out there. And I did see your pic on FB somewhere Ms. Show stopper! As always, you looked stunning even at sixty.

Yes, I too own a BB and feel it's a very user-friendly device. Why so negative towards BB? Bad experience? yeah, that happens w/ every individual... not a big deal :)

Hope you have a Happy Karvachauth!

sharmila said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sharmila said...

rofl @ Shipla and Preity (has beens)

rofl @ Bipasha in "Vera Moda défilé" how cheap they all looked. and since when Vera Moda is thaaaattttt?
Soon H&M, Zara, Promod will be using them.
Is there a star attitude? eeekkk!!!!

I loved your tickling poste.

Anil Kumar said...

I think Arnab is doing a great service to the country by RAISING the coruption issues like CWG scam and scam involving Aadarsh housing society for Kargil martyrs. These corrupt officials and politicians are feeling the HEAT of Times Now channel.

Bur to see our ONLY MULLA NEWS CHANNEL NDTV 24X7 run by Barkha Dutt, Prannoy Roy and others dont spend enought time to further expose these corrupt charges and specially when it involves Congress or Mulla interests.

I remember Barkha Dutt did a very soft one-to-one interview with Sheila Dikshit and let her go easily on corruption charges. Yesterday when other channels were exposing Kargil flats scam, these BASTARDS in NDTV were discussing Bihar pool, bring Kareena Kapoor on prime time.

Can you expose this Mulla News Channel 24X7 and let your viewers know whether this channel is paid by some Imam and their constant biased coverage to help congress.

ONE THING ARNAB is doing great is so far he is not taking any political side like NDTV and exposing the bastards from all political parties. I HOPE HE KEEP continuing and HELP THIS COUNTRY.

As I have said so many times here that our HONEST sardar Prime Minister Manmohan Singh is actually a GADDAR when it comes to saving the interests of the country and AAM Aadmi. HE CHOOSES to remain silent on every scam involving corruption or national interests for months.

The REAL solution to corruption is the jail sentence and death penalty. Chinese executes corrupt people while Americans put corrupt people behind bars sometimes for 20-30 years. And it works to cleanse the system and make DEMOCRACY strong.

Dee said...

I am wondering if you, or anyone else could provide the link to the actual Bombay Times article? Would love to share it! Thanks!

bittu said...

Respected Madam
Shobhaa De

I would Like one Question Can a Better Search Engine Than Google Be Made?

Profound Regards

Awaiting Reply

Have a nice day;

Yours Respectfully
Bittu Gandhi.
(Writer, Website Developer, Record Holder)

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