Thanda Thanda Paani....

That is all I can think of ... and drink.... thanda, thanda paani. Gallons of it. Delhi had cooled down somewhat thanks to a thunder shower, and the people I met were strictly apolitical. Which was quite a relief. Dilliwallas can be seriously annoying with their sab jaanta hai attitude and gyaan giving. Instead, I met the sort of people who are relaxed enough not to let the garam hawa (literal and metaphorical) get to them. This was the first time I was staying at hotels in Gurgaon ( which is definitely NOT Delhi - it is as Delhi as Khopoli or Navi Mumbai is Bombay). With monster malls and futuristic high rises, it is frequently called the poor man's Singapore. The Radisson, where I spent my first night is very proud of its brand 'The Great Kebab Factory'. Since I am not a kebab fan I concentrated on a chilled Pinot Grigio and giggled mindlessly, unable to watch the others at the table wolf down platters of galouti and tangdi kebabs with a variety of wickedly layered parathas. Since I was there on an exhaustive shoot ( 8 changes, new photographer, unknown make- up and hair people), I wisely decided to concentrate on getting the job done as swiftly and painlessly as possible. Just then a shoe was hurled --- yes, again! It missed Chids by a mile. But cost Tytler his nomination. And Delhi woke up briefly to tch tch... before switching to the latest gossip - political and social. Every Dilliwalla is obsessed with BOLLYWOOD . Since John Abraham was expected, excitement levels were exceedingly high. Shoe or no shoe. Chidambaram's joota moment did not stand a chance next to The Butt's arrival.

As always, I caught up with Manoj Kesharwani, an outstanding photographer who could put the best international paparazzi to shame. Manoj has the magic touch, and is one of the hardest working photo journos in the biz. He rarely gets home before 3 am and calls it a night after a frugal dinner of chai and bread .His powers of persuasion are legendary, and he is on best buddy terms with all the top stars who always but always let him know when they are in the Capital - from Aishwarya to Akshay - Manoj is their main man. With good reason. His eye for a photo- op is uncanny. Like a hunter stalking his prey, Manoj waits. And waits. And then he pounces. His pictures always tell a story, and he is perhaps the only guy who gets away with outrageous instructions to his subjects. He once told Michael Douglas to prop up a pillar by yelling out, "Arrey Michaelbhai -- pillar, pillar. You hold. You hold." Too startled by this person jumping out of the shadows armed with a camera, Michael did as he was told! Well... Manoj has made me do a few crazy things over the years, too. But the results have always been fun. Manoj deserves wider recognition and acknowledgement. His retrospective may see half of Delhi leaving town - thanks to those delicious stories his photographs tell!!
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On another note, I have been asked by a representative of Rolex, to nominate an individual between the age of 19 to 29 years, who is engaged in a worthwhile project that helps communities to improve the ir lives. It is for a programme that comes with a $100,000 aid package to take the project forward in a more meaningful way. If any of you guys would like to put on your thinking caps and suggest names ( with details about the project ), please do keep me in the loop. Here's the chance to transform lives. We can make it happen. Let's do it.

Where have all the women gone??

This appeared in The Week. I am off to Delhi tomorrow to check out the Garam Hawa in the Capital. My next post will be on thursday on my return. I got back late this evening from a long shoot to find a courier package from Amitabh Bachchan. I thought he had sent me another missive in connection with something I'd written. Mais non, it was a hefty tome about Jug Suraiya's article published in the Times of India on 2nd March. This was an emotional and anguished reaction to Jug's piece titled 'Slumdog Divide.' Amitabh has analysed Jug's 'Subverse' column virtually line by line , and done a surgically perfect job of taking it apart. I agree with Amitabh's basic argument and am surprised that Jug could have committed the factual blunders he has listed out. It's also good to know that there is someone out there who cares enough to set the record straight so very scrupulously. But Jug is what is called a 'Humour writer'. So, I don't really know whether or not Amitabh's outrage and righteous anger are a little misplaced here. But the fact that Amitabh has invested so much time and energy into challenging Jug's every thought on the subject is terrific. I like passion. If you feel strongly about an issue, give it your all. Don't hold back. It remains to be seen whether the editor of the TOI decides to publish the unedited version of Amitabh's eloquent rebuttal.

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Two Bihari Bigmouths for the price of one?? Shatrughan Sinha is pitted against Shekhar Suman in Patna. Suman was all deference and humility while talking about his 'brother' Sinha. But Sinha could not hold back the bombast as he claimed he was the asli Bihari Babu - and he even refused to acknowledge Suman by name, preferrring to refer to him as 'That gentleman'. Theek hai. Now that 'The Suman and Sinha Show' is on the road - sit back and enjoy the fun. Question is - will Suman's honewalli bahu, Kangana Ranaut, campaign for him ? If so, what will she be not wearing??

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Where have all the women gone….??

The elections are upon us… and women are missing in action. One would have thought by now political parties across the board would have woken up to ground realities that women count – literally!! Besides, look at the ladies who are calling the shots as party bosses – Sonia, Maya, Mamata, Jayalalithaa, Brinda – shouldn’t their spectacular success tell the men something? More importantly, shouldn’t these very women be looking for female candidates ? Apparently, that is not happening. And the number of females in the fray remains dismally, disappointingly small. Not a single political party has announced any meaningful programmes designed for women so far. And I’m not talking about reservations, since I have always been opposed to quota systems of any kind. I want to hear about specifics – something at a basic level that will ensure a better future for the next generation ( too late to do anything of consequence for the present one). Nobody has come up with a single proposal so far – not even a promise to provide something as essential as toilets in our villages where women still have to wait for darkness to relieve themselves. Imagine that in the 21st century. A toilet can transform the life of a village. But it remains a low priority. A village equipped with a toilet and school for girls is capable of changing society at large. Perhaps, that is the real fear. Perhaps that’s precisely what our netas don’t want. But since ‘change’ is being touted this time, and is the new magic mantra, how about starting at latrine level??
Change is what Barack Obama promised and cruised to victory. Change is what India needs. Change can come from women. But it may not be the sort of change entrenched politicians want. They would prefer to keep our womenfolk ignorant, insecure and hungry. It’s an age-old trick that ensures dominance and control over the disempowered. But what these politicians are missing out on is the potential for turning this so-called ‘disadvantage’ into an advantage. If they co-opt the women of this country into the mainstream of decision making, it will definitely benefit them! Since politicians are necessarily self-seeking, they must realize the potential of this enormous vote bank. Any party that places women up there in its manifesto will win far many more supporters than by discussing the 123 treaty which goes over most people’s heads anyway. But I don’t see it happening. I was talking to a young, dynamic editor of a powerful business publication the other day. I asked him bluntly why they ignored women as jury members while deciding the winners of their prestigious business awards. He naively told me that the reason was simple. According to him, women were incapable of wading through reams of balance sheets and financial papers that needed to be processed before short listing candidates. My look of absolute horror did not deter this young man from expanding on his theory that women really did not understand the intricacies of company profiles, and there weren’t enough ‘qualified’ women around in the first place. When I mentioned a few, including Indra Nooyi, he grinned and said, “ Well…. she is an exception.” Ha! So much for gender equality, even in media. I wondered aloud how many men on that damned jury of theirs could decode balance sheets themselves… and whether they even bothered to. Most of these awards follow the old boys’ network practices – men award other men knowing it will be their turn soon. So it is in politics, too.
Take a look at this statistic: just 44 women made it to the Lok Sabha in the 2004 elections out of 539 candidates. So far, in ‘progressive’ Maharashtra, only 5 women are in the fray for 48 Lok Sabha seats. I don’t see that number going up very much higher in the coming weeks. A candidate’s ability is what counts above and beyond gender. Does this number mean we are not confident about the ability of our women to represent us in government?? It is a matter of personal disappointment that I say this - for women’s voices to be heard, we have to desexualize our mindset. The easy route is to throw brainless Bollywood actresses into the ring and exploit their sex appeal – the surest way to insult all women . I’d rather such a seat be given to a more deserving man. Since these elections are being touted as the ultimate photo- op, why not use the same sexist yardstick to pick male candidates. Going by that, I guess if John Abraham decides to contest, his butt will win hands down!!,

Miss (ed) India...

As promised, here's the bacha hua post. Oooooof ho.... itna sara news in a few short hours. First comes the shocker that it's going to be lightweight Nafisa Ali from Lucknow - recommended by the also-ran - Maanyata . Why Nafisa?? Who knows? One news reader suggested it is to 'spite' the Congress. Huh?? Isn't it about selecting a candidate who has at least a slim chance of winning?? Nafisa??? With that voice? Oh well...politics is perverse, indeed. Nafisa describes herself as an 'activist'. Well, she has been super active on the party circuit for decades. I guess that does count for something.
Then comes SRK taking on 'Sunny Sir' ( Sunil Gavaskar to you) , for writing a column in which he slammed coach Buchanan for his multiple captain theory. Having known Sunil for years and years, I can safely say, here's a man who NEVER says something loosely. He is very careful with his words, and a respected, responsible commentator. Srk resorted to his standard trick - by first declaring his 'love' for Sunil, before twisting the knife in. SRK'S argument is that Sunil has never played this form of cricket himself and is therefore not qualified to comment on it. The cruel dig refers to Sunil's seniority (age wise), like it is a handicap of some sort. Sunil's legendary status does not need to be further underlined, and one can hardly question his credentials as an authority on the game. Now that the gloves are off, let's see where this battle is headed. I'd read Sunil's column this morning, and entirely agreed with his take on the arrogant Aussie coach who has filled the support staff of the Knight Riders' team with his cronies from Downunder, including his own son! The proof of the pudding etc etc... will be known soon enough. If Buchanan's Boys perform on the field, Sunil may have to eat his words. If not?? Will Srk sack the coach?? And eat his own?

Am watching the last round of the televised Miss India contest while keying this in. It is so ho hum, I'm surprised I'm still watching. Malaika and Madhavan (hosts) are unbelievably BORING and mechanical as they robotically read out their lines from the teleprompter. The girls are impossible to tell apart - they are uniformly uninspiring. But the show has to go on.... and it is.....they don't make them like Sushmita Sen ( one of the judges this year) or Aishwarya Rai anymore.

Who's afraid of Meera Sanyal... ?

Guys.... here it is - I have received a bunch of interesting reactions to the column. Most of them positive. Most, from 'People Like Us'. Mallika Sarabhai sent a text msg inviting me to go on the campaign trail with her. I plan to do just that when I visit Ahemedabad to deliver the 'Shaping Young Minds' lecture on the 18th of April. Meera's own blog, which is like a daily campaign diary has a sweet and touching reference to my late father ... God rest his soul in peace.

More in a fresh post.... perhaps an hour or two from now. Inshallah...

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Who’s afraid of Meera Sanyal….?

To that tantalizing question – ‘Who’s afraid of Meera Sanyal?” – there is only one answer : nobody. As of now, Meera Sanyal is an unknown entity . She does not belong to any political party or camp. She has not roped in a Bollywood star to campaign for her. She is not the daughter or daughter-in-law of a powerful family. She does not possess crores and crores of ill -gotten wealth. There is no godfather or godmother lurking in the shadows to back her. And the biggest strike against her candidancy ? She cannot boast of a criminal record. She has never been booked for murder or the possession of guns. So, who the hell is she? And why has she decided to contest the elections, that too from a high profile constituency ( South Mumbai)? Meera Sanyal is like you and me. An educated , professional with a conscience. Someone who wants to put her hard- earned money where her mouth is. Someone who is willing to go beyond drawing room, arm chair politics and say, “ This is who I am. This is what I stand for. As a citizen of India, I am entitled to exercise my fundamental right to contest the elections – and hello!! I am doing just that… regardless of the outcome.” Brave woman. Why brave? Meera is aware it’s a vicious jungle out there…. and here she is, a prim and propah Malabar Hill Memsaab, willing to get her hands dirty in a no- holds- barred contest where her rivals have more money, more clout, more everything. Except the one thing that counts or ought to – the right motive.
Why would someone as successful as Meera ( she’s a well regarded banker) want to chuck up a super career and jump into the political cess pool? And what chance does she have of winning? The answer to the first question comes from Meera herself, who says it was the 26\11 terror attacks on Mumbai that triggered something in her. Something compelling enough to arrive at this important decision. It has become a cliché to say , ‘Become the change you want to see..’ but in Meera’s case, it seems to be the only reason she has taken the plunge. Has she thought it through? Does she know what she has put her foot into? Let us give some credit to this intelligent person. And let us acknowledge the obvious fact that Meera is now in the system for better or worse. As an independent candidate, she may not have the same advantages as her mighty rivals. But as a banker, I’m sure she knows how to hedge her bets. It is not about winning. It is about making a point. “ People Like Us’’ are very comfortable with a Meera. She speaks English with the right accent, quotes Toffler, wears pearls and likes her tofu. ‘We’ are comfortable with Meera. Our drawing rooms are always open to people like her. But the harsh reality suggests ‘we’ no longer count. Nobody really gives a damn for ‘us’. Which makes Meera’s decision all the more praise worthy. Her supporters ( steadily growing), point out that unless ‘People Like Us’ get into politics, India is doomed. It is one way of consoling ourselves, knowing full well the mood of the nation has changed. Meera is earnestly talking about public transport and security issues, in a city that is taken over by vested interests and distant ‘Bhais’ who call the shots. Meera will have to wade into South Mumbai’s filthy shanty towns and convince those vote-for-note fellows that she’s their woman. Of course, she’ll have to lose those pearls first. And switch to earthy, home spun salwar kameezes before that. But how on earth will she communicate her objectives to a constituency that has been spoilt and nurtured over decades by politicos with pockets as deep as the ocean?
Meera wants to be taken seriously. She deserves to be taken seriously. Meera is an important symbol. And an agent of change. The change we keep talking about . We should not hold her independent status against her. Remember V.K. Krishna Menon had stood as an independent, too. If more Meeras decide to get involved in the political process, their voices will be heard. Eventually. Her entry heralds a small but significant beginning. Will Meera be casting pearls before swine? Maybe. But the effort is worth it.

Indian media ka boss kaun hai??

For the past couple of months, us mediawallas have been bombarded by emails that talk about the ownership patterns of all our gigantic media houses. The emails vary a little. But the motive remains the same - which is to destabilise readers and make them believe all our newspapers and tv channels are , in fact, foreign funded\owned. Unfortunately, most of the info is bogus. Yet, there are enough half- truths embedded in the mail to make it a pretty juicy, convincing story. On the 1st of April, another email did the rounds which emanated from a website called televisionpoint.com. This one talked about Rupert Murdoch acquiring the mighty Times of India Group, lock, stock and barrel. An obvious April Fool joke?? Maybe. But I'm pretty sure enough people fell for it... believed the story. The problem is nobody bothers to cross- check facts anymore. You start a rumour.... and the greedy press guys gobble it up.About the earlier email (ownership of Indian media), one thing I can tell you with absolute authority : M.J. Akbar is NOT the editor of Asian Age. He runs his own magazine called 'Covert'. He was the editor of Asian Age, but that was ages ago. So much for accuracy . And that's just one of the many dud 'facts' in this email. I find it strange that unheard of church organisations across the world are named as the real owners!! Suggesting some sort of a global Christian conspiracy. 'India Today' has definitely NOT been acquired by ndtv. This makes zero sense. India Today has its own bouquet of successful tv channels, besides its mass- circulated magazines. Which makes me wonder who is behind these mysterious emails in the first place, and why are we even bothering with such obvious falsehoods? I have no lena-dena with anybody. If anything, India Today has been a hostile group as far as I am concerned, for more than 20 years.So, if I am setting the record straight, it is only to point out the sort of bunkum that is in circulation.
I receive anonymous letters on a regular basis. Typed. Unsigned. Posted from different mailing zones. There is a pattern to them. One regular is after Katrina Kaif's blood, for whatever reason. I ignore these missives since I have no time for cowards who hide behind anonymity. There is another sender, who guns for Sanjay Dutt and offers risque info on Maanyata ( her dodgy antecedents etc). It is easy identify the motivated sources of such mail - they are people who hope someone in media will fall for the story and run it.Since libel laws in India are a joke, there are countless unsubstantiated stories doing the rounds on a daily basis. Personal enmity is generally the reason why people pen these poison letters. I uniformly ignore them - they are promptly thrown into the trash can, where they belong.
Media ownership is a very serious issue given the times we live in, and the fact that we are going into what may turn out to be our bloodiest election ever. It is best to treat such mail with due scepticism. At a large and lavish dinner party last night, I overheard someone saying with great aplomb , " I can get any story you want published in the paper of your choice." Really???
Since most of our desi billionaires ( Forbes' list) were present and within earshot, I wanted to take the conversation forward with gusto. By then the braggart was gone. I sensibly concentrated on some delicious jackfruit curry and mushroom pulao... and sang 'God save the Queen." Talking of Lizzie, she obviously forgot about her decades' long 'touch me not' policy and happily put her arm around Michelle's waist for that super photo- op. Kill me for saying this, but I honestly don't think much of Michelle Obama's sartorial style. What was so stylish about that church choir outfit she sported at the G -20?? Besides ,there is a particularly apt, one word description for women like Michelle in marathi - 'Haidosi'. Sorry. It defies translation. Oh, I ran into Asha Bhonsale looking sprightly, bright and fresh ( at 75). After a quick gossip ( we have friends in common), she told me about a very special concert in Kolkata next month. Ashatai will be singing Rabindra Sangeet on Rabindranath Tagore's birthday. I'd give anything to be present on such a momentous occasion. Ashatai is a national treasure - we don't value her enough. You know why? Because she lives by her own rules and does not kow -tow to anyone. She has never needed to... not with that voice. And her indomitable spirit. Bless her.

Button up, Akshay!!

The minute I saw the provocative pic of Action Man Akshay Kumar doing his thing on the ramp , I knew the guy was in mucho trouble. There is something known as propriety. As a desigmer's show stopper for branded jeans ( Levi's), Akshay strode up to his wife Twinkle, seated on the front row, and got her to unbutton his fly while the crowd whistled and roared at this paisa vasool moment. Bad taste? Risque? Exhibitionistic?? You bet. There were several, highly suggestive pelvic thrusts thrown in , along with a generous navel display - the sort of moves male strippers indulge in at those sleazy, dodgy down town clubs in New York. Well, the inevitable happened and Akshay has been slapped with a notice. Moral of the story - button up. Zip up. The fly stays closed. And such antics should be reserved for private bedroom entertainment.
Madhu Sapre, who is a complete sweetheart, is still battling that silly court case (Tuff Shoes) years after the company has shut down and the python that covered her naked body, has shed its skin and died! I invited her to dinner last night, and asked about the status of the case. She has to fly all the way from Milan each time the court sets a fresh date. Most times, the case gets adjourned, but she has not been granted an exemption from appearing in person. Can you imagine the costs involved? What a waste of everybody's time. She was to fly out last night itslf, but her lawyer requested her to hang around for a while.... just in case! I love my favourite Marathi Mulgi DEARLY. The case has gone on for over 10 years! Give her a break.
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Guess who came to dinner? You already know the answer. Bu you will have to wait for my column on Sunday to find out what I thought of Meera Sanyal. Sorry!!! But I hate repeating myself, which is what I would have done had I blogged separately about it as well. I can tell you, it was a lively evening, with at least ten highly opinionated people in the room, each one with a 'theory'. Never a dull moment. Oh---- one of you wanted to know the dinner menu. It was strictly Thai ( halka and perfect for the soaring mercury levels ). The steamed Betki in a lemon-ginger sauce was to die for, said the guests. The smoked mushrooms with sambol was pretty terrific, too. And so were the clams ( tisrya). I can always count on Amrish Arora, my neighbour and ace caterer, to deliver.
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I absolutely must, must , must thank all of you for the concern shown over my bust shoulder. I cannot but cannot stay away from the blog - sore shoulder or otherwise. I have switched chairs and am using a pc. It is helping , for sure. I realised how precious our daily communication has become when I was faced with the possibility of withdrawing temporarily from this space. I find the blog seriously therapeutic. Half the healing has to do with your messages and comments. I kid you not.So, 'dhanyavad' all. And before I get all senti and weepy.... ciao ciao. Till tomorrow...

Kebabs a la Maanyata....

Let me get the shoulder thingie out of the way ..... it's behaving itself. For now. I'm ignoring it and have altered my laptop posture. That helps. I know it ain't a cure. But the cure can wait. In order to forcibly rest the damn socket, I ran away to Alibag in search of some heavy duty R&R. But guess what? My happiness was ruined on the ferry itself when an out of control man went ballistic because the ticket checker had not shown him sufficient respect!! Such a person had to be a politician, right?? Well... that's exactly who he was. Some petty neta. A local Congressman with a pack of goons, who were egging him on. I asked his name and was told it was Sandesh or Satish Patil. He was threatening the poor twig-like, cowering man... demanding an apology.... or else. I HAD to intervene. My polite, chi chi ferry 'friends' ( very Ferragamo),told me not to get into it. By then Patil was bellowing and boasting he would shut down the boat service by saturday ( I'll be watching!). I told the South Mumbai co-passengers that it is because people like us keep quiet that these monsters get born and grow bigger till they end up as those 'Bhais' we loathe but can't do anything about. We deserve them.The friends looked away and changed the subject. They also changed their seats!
When I switched on the news channel once I reached home, I caught Barkha Dutt in full flow with Sanjay Dutt and his newest bff\ mentor, sorry, 'brother' Amar Singh. Was Barkha really wearing blue contact lenses to match her blue enamel pendant... or was it an optical illusion?? The conversation was bizarre, to say the least. But the winning quote came from Sanjay when he said his wife will stay home where she belongs and make kebabs and biryani for him and his friends.... "Who will campaign for her in that case?" asked Barkha ( this , after a great deal of waffling and evasiveness about whether or not Maanyata will be given the ticket Sanjay didn't get) . " I will," said the Duh Dutt, giving the game away through that one untutored remark!!
I hastily put on an Elvis Presley DVD featuring the King in gospel mode. To say that I adore Elvis would be a gross understatement. I worship him. He is the ONLY human being I 've ever had a gigantic crush on. Seeing him again, crooning with church choirs, I had tears of joy rolling down my cheeks.... and mingling with the Moet. Only a locally caught crab, cooked Malwani style could take away my earlier blues....and did. Thank God the cook hadn't produced kebabs and biryani. I would have puked!
Well, tonight I have invited Meera Sanyal to dinner, along with a few friends. I am very keen to meet the lady who threw up a bank job ( she was heading ABN AMRO), to contest the elections. I heard she had given Karan Thapar a run for his money and handled his provocative questions ( socialism-capitalism debate) very effectively. Her former bank colleagues speak highly of her, though even there I see annoying sexism. One of them commented, " You know how Goras react to women in sarees?? It is the whole exotic package. Sarees certainly worked in Meera's favour." That's what I call taking a cheap shot at a woman's success. Watch this space for the asli assessment.... definitely no kebabs on the menu tonite.... a few haddis, maybe.