Elephants are us....

Ever tried clambering up an elephant's back with the help of a ladder? No?? Well... I did just that a few hours ago, and trust me, it wasn't either easy or fun. The four remaining Kingfisher models had just finished their gruelling shoots atop the same elephant. The pachyderm was not amused. His mahout was even less so. Beach bums at Varca were having a field day gawking at the bikini clad models perched precariously on the elephant, while Colston, the ace photographer yelled instructions like, " Use your arms.... expressions!! I want to see expressions!" These were the politer ones. The girls gingerly stood up on the elephant's back while he twitched and shifted his weight from one foot to the next , and held impossible poses as the cameras clicked and whirred. Who said modelling is easy? Milind, wearing a hot pink tee and white shorts was adding his own bits of advice - " I want better co-ordination... stretch your spine..." Sure. And risk breaing your neck. One model went for a toss and fell off the elephant's back. Another confessed she was terrified of heights.
My own moment of truth arrived when the director asked whether I'd do the link from the elephant's back, just to experience what the models had gone through. I gamely and foolishly agreed. Huge mistake! Just when I joined Milind (who had already clambered up and made himself perfectly comfortable), the elephant decided he'd had enough of this nonsense and was ready to lumber off. Believe me, this wasn't funny, especially when the angry trumpeting began. My nerves just about held till the shot was canned.... and I swiftly came down to earth! The perky models were really sweet - they cheered my 'feat' spontaneously!
Tonight, one more shall be eliminated. That will leave the three top finalists. I have picked my winner. But one never knows.
I met the elephant as I was making my way back to the room. The guy was thirsty - and how. I watched him drink a few gallons of water before heading back to Ponda from where he'd come. As and when you do get to see the Kingfisher Calendar 2010, you'll recognise the real superstar of the shoot - the jumbo!

Who's afraid of the Naxals, huh??

All hail!! India has found a new enemy – and it isn’t our neighbour - it is us!! The latest hate word is ‘Naxal’, and it is almost amusing to monitor how frequently it pops up and how obsessed the media is with this new menace. Night after night, we find Arnab and others getting apoplectic over the newest, most horrific murder committed by the ‘Naxals’. Now the Naxal has a face – Kobad Ghandy’s. We now exactly what the enemy looks like. And horror of horrors, he looks like us! I mean… Kobad?? Aapro Kobad?? A well brought up, well heeled Parsee gentleman, who should be listening to operatic areas in a book- lined den pulling gently on a pipe? What the hell is he doing with those junglees in that jungle… you now…. those tribals? It is impossible to reconcile the visual of this effete-looking person, who claims to be a writer (hello, that is a factoid we can handle), but now stands accused of the most heinous crimes against the state. How could someone like Kobad get mixed up with something like this?? Cherchez la femme. Of course, it had to be a woman. Kobad’s late wife is the one the media is nailing as the instigator who pushed the Mumbai man into a life on the run. A dangerous and terrible life that has led to the grisly murders of innocents. What an extraordinary story… and so unbelievable.
Such is the power of stereotyping, that we refuse to accept ‘someone like Kobad’ could get mixed up with a movement that is threatening to cause mayhem in gigantic swathes of our country. Idealogy of this nature is something one associates with hard core unshaven leftists, carrying jholas, dressed in shabby kurtas and scurrying around shanty towns causing trouble. Kobad does not fit into this grid. Kobad belongs to the elite world of Willingdon Club types - the burra saabs who drink beer on Sunday afternoons, after a leisurely round of golf. Kobad and Naxals?? Baap re baap. What next? The reason why this bizarre story has captured the imagination of the mediawallas is because of these crazy contradictions. Parsee revolutionaries are somewhat rare. I have never come across a Parsee who would walk away from a life of refinement and comfort in Mumbai, and devote long years to working for the upliftment of desperately poor, disenfranchised tribals. As the Kobad story unfolds, more and more information is emerging that is adding to the mystery. The nugget revealed his extensive travels in five countries. This piece of ‘breaking news’ emerged in the wake of the Red Ultras’ beheading Francis Induwar, the Jharkhand police officer, “ Taliban-style”( making me wonder whether the Taliban killers have a patent on this ‘style’ of butchering victims).

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Police spokesmen are calling Induwar’s murder a revenge killing linked to Kobad’s arrest. Across channels, the clips of the cop’s young son making a heart- rending call to his younger brother’s school teacher, informing the person about his ‘pappa’s’ death have been played over and over again. Juxtapose that with the clips of a calm and composed Kobad in police custody, and it is easy to whip up public outrage. But towards what end??
For all we know there are several other Kobads hiding in our midst. Your neighbour could be a Kobad. Or the guy you have a drink with at your favourite watering hole. Your tennis companion maybe Kobad’s best buddy. So could the mild- mannered librarian you discuss Tagore’s poetry with. There are Kobads everywhere, if one is to go by the present hysteria. And they have just one agenda – to destroy India. The scariest part of the Kobad phenomenon is that one can be so easily fooled…. so effortlessly misled. Our conditioning prevents us from looking beyond the obvious … we have a readymade picture of what a terrorist is supposed to look like( thank you, Bollywood\Hollywood!). So…. How does one crack the façade? Look beyond the mask? Bewildered by the Naxal war that is being waged against the state, we don’t now how to react. We can understand the threat Pakistan represents. We can gear ourselves ( albeit, clumsily), to handle the Chinese intrusions, we can deal with the LTTE, and pretend we are winning the separatist war in Kashmir. We delude ourselves that we have the 26\11 terrorists on the run because we have Qasab in jail. But what we have consistently failed to acknowledge is the seething unrest that has been gathering force right under our noses for so many years in the form of the Naxals in our midst. Kobad did not suddenly spring up out of nowhere. Had we bothered to notice him ( and people like him) earlier, our ‘haalat’ would not have been this bad. By refusing to acknowledge there was a problem and that mega trouble was brewing, we allowed a mouse to grow into a monster. For decades, those who have had to deal with Naxal uprisings, have warned authorities about the potential danger of ignoring their presence. We shut our eyes, buried our heads in sand, and hoped they’d go away. But,guess what? They didn’t!And today, they are in our backyard, and we don’t now what to do….. either, with them or ourselves.
This is exactly what Kobad and his comrades have been counting on. By patiently waiting for the somnolent State to finally wake up and take heed, the Naxals have won part of the battle. They have consolidated their presence in several states, and made significant inroads into the heart of the political process. We can ill- afford to wish them away… marginalize them. Experts tell us more than one- fifth of India is under Naxal control. Perhaps, they exaggerate.But only a bit…Kobad is one hell of a foxy dude. He ain’t singing. That leaves us with P. Chidambaram thundering away on television, warning the Naxals to lay down arms or face war. “ As long as the CPI(Maoists) belives in armed liberation struggle, we have no option but to ask security forces to engage them. Yeah, right on, bro. A bit late in the day to be issuing this dhamki. But, koi baat nahi. Listening to all these warnings, Naxal bosses in China must be giggling away in glee. Perhaps, this Diwali will see Indian skies lighting up with Chinese crackers.

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Eerie and creepy that this appeared on the day 17 more people were chopped up by the Naxals. Creepy that Barrack Obama was given the Nobel for Peace when the world is being ripped apart and he hasn't really earned the honour. I was watching the news in my hotel and shuddering at the irony of it all - Rawalpindi under attack, most pockets of the troubled world reeling from ghastly, insane violence. And here I am in Goa, critically looking at the 5 remaining contestants as they gamely go through some really tough 'tasks' Milind and I assign them - this evening we dunked them into a bathtub filled with blocks of ice and asked them to 'emote' 5 expressions for the cameras. Are we heartless??

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My daughter Anandita is with me in Goa, so my mood's up! We managed to sneak out during lunch hour to devour the best masala crab on earth at Martin's Corner. Once there, we couldn't stop at the crab, and ordered half the menu - rawa-encrusted King Fish, dried chilly beef, and of course, Goa prawn curry rice. This is what I call serious pigging out.

Now.... it's back to work. Last night we shot till 2. 30 a.m and the crew rejoiced!! Watch this space for tonight's report!

Gorgeous girls in Goa...

So here's another image of Durban that I shot just outside the museum of Tribal African Arts. I went berserk inside the museum, stunned by the beauty of the products on display, especiallythe Zulu beadwork. Earlier , I had bought loads of painted wooden bangles, this time it would be dozens of earrings and necklaces in exquisite colours. Our own tribal communities also create magic with beads and wood. We see them as cheap handicrafts, when they deserve to be

elevated to being recognised as art.

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Here in Goa, the days and nights slip away languidly. I have lost track of time and space. Our shoots seem never ending... but when I see the results on the monitor, the effort is entirely worth it. Since the traumatic elimination rounds have begun, my heart goes out to the girls who have to be packed off at the end of each episode. The bearer of bad news is co-judge Milind Soman. Perhaps that softens the blow somewhat since all the contestants have a huge crush on him.... and at least they get to kiss him a lingering goodbye after taking their time sobbing on his shoulder. Small consolation. I marvel at their spunk and spirit, though. It cannot be easy facing a jury clad in nothing more substantial than the teeniest- weeniest of bikinis (you know the ones I mean - three triangles). There they are, virtually stripped off whatever modesty that's left, answering pretty tough questions about their own imperfections!! But you now what?? These young women are made of pretty stern stuff. They don't blink while listening to the worst criticism and have not cracked under pressure .... so far. The game just got tougher, so let's see who exits tonight. I have been told it's going to be one looooooong episode( which means we may shoot till dawn). I don't mind. I am a creature of the night. The moon is looking glorious and the girls are giggly and gorgeous. Don't you wish you were here??? Come on.... be honest!

Couples who drink together , stay together??

I was really , really lucky to get a grab shot of these two. They'd just polished off a gourmet meal (zebra) and needed to wash it all down at their favourite watering hole. I was less than three feet away.... but did they care?? I think they make a pretty compatible looking couple - when was the last time you shared a companionable drink with your partner, huh??
I have a pretty grisly shot of another, older lioness devouring a zebra leg. Would be happy to share the image .... if you have the stomach for it.
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I escaped from my concentration camp at the ZURI in Goa, long enough to rush to my temple, Mangeshi, in Ponda,where the family deity resides. It is mangalwar today, and Shantadurga would have been most unhappy had I ignored her. Both the darshans were soothing and inspiring. There was hardly anybody around at 7. 30pm.... so I had both the deities all to myself, with none of the standard shoving and pushing. I took my time telling them mere dil ki baat. In fact, I enjoyed a long, uninterrupted chat with the Gods after ages. This was such a well earned treat. Last night too, the shoot ended at 3 a.m. Now that Dino Morea has let the cat out of the bag, thanks to the tweeting mania, there's no point keeping the shoot under wraps any longer. All you guys out there are going to envy me.... I am here to judge 'The Perfect Body' for the Kingfisher Calendar 2010.There are 12 girls competing for just one slot. You'd think they had their wor cut out for them - but trust me, it isn't fun waing up at 5 a.m. for a run on the beach , after wrapping up at 3 a.m. the previous night. But.... so far they are still smiling and coping. The elimination rounds have begun.... so I expect the tears to flow , starting tomorrow. I shall keep you posted...

Since you asked....

The lady in the pic is an extraordinary person, and I felt honoured to meet her. Prof. Fatima Meer is one of South Africa's most respected intellectuals. She is also one of the last Gandhians left, and had played key role in SA's freedom struggle against apartheid. As you can see she is wheelchair bound and accompanied by a nurse. But her mind is as sharp and strong as ever. When she speaks, her voice booms across the room, and everyone listens in rapt attention. I so enjoyed my time with her. She was gracious enough to present a signed copy of her book to me, which I shall always cherish. I was fortunate to have met such a remarkable person. I hope you can see my face painting clearly. It was beautiful. I'm guessing it is done with rice paste, but it could be something else...
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Here in Goa, the shooting schedule is chaotic and crazy. Last night, I wrapped up my last shot at 3 a.m. This was because of the rain that kept interrupting the shoot. What has impressed me the most is the competence and skill of our technicians. These lighting guys are geniuses when it comes to improvisation and thinking on ones feet. It is a pretty thankless job, besides being a really, really tiring one. God knows how they manage, with virtually no sleep and a lot of heavy stuff to lug around the beach. But the results are worth all the trouble. I wish I could reveal more at this stage. But my lips are sealed...
Madhavan ( Maddy) and Dino Morea have arrived this evening to participate in one episode. I recall meeting Maddy on a Mumbai-London flight two years ago. He'd come across and introduced himself politely and I'd thought what a refreshing change he was from our loud and crude Bollywood brigade. Dino, of course, I have known since his days as a model in Bangalore. He too is well mannered at all times and surprisingly intelligent. There's something old world and adorably charming about movie stars from the South. Just ten days ago I met Karthik , again at the airport. Frankly, I hadn't heard of him... so when he came across to introduce himself, I must have looked a little blank. We got chatting and he told me about his role in Mani Ratnam's Ravana. What a sweet guy.... and so modest!
The weather promises to behave itself tomorrow. If I can get a couple of hours off, I plan to visit Mangeshi Temple, where our family deity resides. It is one ritual I love to observe and I hope the Monsoon God is on my side when I undertake the trip.
I have been clicking lots of pictures in Goa, and shall share once I get back to Mumbai. Meanwhile, my cue sheet tells me I have a make up call at 11pm and the shoot starts at 11 30. What's the bet we are running late and nothing will start till 1 a.m.????
lse...

Dots and dashes

Remember guys, you asked for more pics. Well, here's one I love. I met this beautiful young girl at Moyo's in Durban, and complimented her . The face painting was subtle and stunning. She offered to paint mine and I jumped at the chance. Of course, it didn't look half as terrific on me.... but that's a different story. I'll share that pic with you, too. But only if you insist! I only trust the quality and composition of pics I shoot myself. So, when I request someone else to do the job, I get hyper-critical about their efforts, which is really not fair, considering they are doing me a favour.
It was at Moyo's that I sampled crocodile salami and ostrich samosas, besides kudu kebabs and similar local delicacies. Frankly, once was enough. I have a pretty adventurous palate, but one has to draw the line somewhere. For me, it was with crocodile meat.
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I am stuck in my hotel room in South Goa. Some of you may have followed the news about the flood situation here. The shooting schedule has gone for a toss. Production just informed me the main lights are stuck at some octroi point. Shooting by the beach is not an option given the cyclonic weather, and we can't shoot indoors minus lights! Thank God for my life saver - the laptop. While I wait for the clouds to clear, all I can do is watch tv. Something I don't have the time for back in Mumbai. I watched Salman Khan's 'Dus ka Dum' (with Hema Malini and Shatrughan Sinha) for the first time, and enjoyed the episode thoroughly. Salman is an absolute natural, and far, far better as a tv host than SRK or the Big B. He is unassuming and spontaneous, charming and likeable. These qualities really bounce out and touch audiences. I get the feeling it's pretty much an unscripted show , or he is the master of improvisation. It works!! Hema looked absolutely ravishing and Shatru looked like Shatru . I had met Hema a few nights ago at Tina Ambani's Harmony Awards and admired her lovely back ( she was wearing a skimpy chantilly lace choli). As always, she carried herself with grace and dignity. On Salman's show, she was far less inhibited as she giggled, blushed and flirted with both men.
I also caught Rakhi Sawant discussing 'Indian culture' and why she refused to bed her fiance!! It was brilliant! And Eleshe, the poor Canadian Indian bakra who won Rakhi's hand in the show, was also interviewed on camera, defending himself weakly by saying he meant the lady no disrespect. Rakhi has broken off the 'engagement', her chastity intact. I love it!
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Both my daughters, Avantikka and Anandita have been weeping copious tears after watching, 'Wake up, Sid'. I guess that means the movie is going to be a huge hit. Tears are good for the box office. Go to sleep, Karan. Your money is safe.

The sand sculpture says it all!! Do Knot Dishturb!!

I can't get South Africa out of my system. I took this shot in Durban, along a deserted seafront, where I was told it was insane to pull out a camera or cell phone. Well, I did both and am alive to tell the tale. On both sides of the jetty, there were these incredible but disturbing sand sculptures. Locals warned me the artists were dangerous druggies who lured innocent tourists into admiring their work before robbing them. Forget all that - just look at the morbid subject. I thought it was it was pretty apt, given the situation there.
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Just to cheer myself up, I went to see my all time favourite actor Govinda in a delightfully ludicrous movie called 'Do Knot Disturb'. What disturbed me about the movie ( which I thoroughly enjoyed, btw), was the luscious Sushmita's enormous girth!! She resembles a tub! Why the blubber? And how does it all vanish when the credit titles roll in the end and she performs a hot item number, ironically called 'Bebo Bebo' ( a tribute to Kareena?). Govinda was adorably insane, especially in the scene where he speaks in a female's falsetto, and shakes his errr, tits ... to a chant of 'Dolly Dolly Dolly' each time Lara comes into the picture. Riteish is really coming into his own as a comic actor par excellence, and looks almost hot on the yacht.It's a thumbs up for me for this madness. It's an instant mood elevator and you can go ahead branding me a philistine for enjoying the film. I'm like that only!
We headed to TOTE, Mumbai's sprawling new eatery ( at 35,000 sq. ft. it becomes the largest stand alone space in the city). Since it was Bapuji's janam din, and the bar upstairs was shut, I shall have to return a la Napoleon, to give you guys a poora poora review. But for now, let me just say, the sous -chef Manish Luthra outdid most chef-chefs in the business and produced a top class meal, starting with an appetising duck burger, lamb shanks, pork chops, and a delicate rissotto. Do I want to go back for more?? Hell, ya!!
But a return trip shall have to wait. I am off to Goa in an hour to judge a sexy reality show ( my lips are sealed!). I'll be holed up there till the 15th. But, worry not... this time, the laptop goes with me!! Ciao Ciao, my lovelies!