My Name is Mumbai....!

Let's call it the curse of newspaper deadlines. I wrote this column on thursday afternoon, when the sabre rattling of the Shiv Sainiks was peaking. Dramatic events took place between that time and the compromise that was arrived at a few key hours later, by noon on friday. A compromise that was clearly constructed in Delhi and executed in Mumbai. Whatever deal was struck doesn't matter any more. Unconstitutional conduct was successfully contained, movie goers got the chance to exercise their fundamental right, and nothing else is as important. Not even the backroom machinations that ensured a safe passage to the film. We may never know the real trade- offs, but let us be thankful Mumbai was spared the ignominy of having to cope with wanton violence and senseless destruction. Bollywood's newly established Tweet Factories were in overdrive all of yesterday. This new form of direct communication is likely to jeopardise the jobs of all those p.r.-driven filmi hacks who make a living out of being the mouthpieces and full -time chamchas of their favourite star-patrons.

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Sigh! It's Valentine's Day tomorrow. My heart is going dhak -dhak. Any defiant display of the colour red has been banned in some regions of the Middle East. Love is in the air....but it has to remain colourless, tasteless and odourless. I plan to watch a super cheesy movie ( no guesses - 'Valentine's Day', but natch )wearing a bright red outfit. I may hold hands with my husband and daughter - but that's an option.

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Hey Bhagwan! I am writing this a few hours before what may turn out to be Black Friday, if not for the city of Mumbai than for SRK. Fingers crossed. Shiv Sena’s legal eagle, Rahul Narvekar, with whom I shared a panel discussion on tv this morning, kept talking about a ‘mass movement’ that is sweeping over the metropolis . “You will get your answer tomorrow,” he said ominously, when asked what plans his party had for disrupting the screening of the film.If that sounded like a pretty nasty threat, Rahul Narvekar wasn’t about to give the game plan away to Karan Thapar. But, the message was loud and clear. Oh dear! There we go again, I said to myself. The same old threats, the wanton destruction of property, the senseless dadagiri – for what?? To prove who is boss??? Or even that the boss is still alive and calling the shots?? Well, after all that drama and hungama, the verdict is out – most theatre owners have ‘postponed’ screenings, claiming they were not prepared to risk damage to their property nor take the chance of patrons getting hurt. I guess Shiv Sainiks will be celebrating this great ‘victory’ tonight.Karan asked me whether I thought the people of Mumbai would actually ‘boycott’ cinemas. No, they won’t , I replied confidently. The word ‘boycott’ implies an active participation in the Shiv Sena’s programme to stop the screening of the film. Most Mumbaikars are entirely indifferent to the arguments being flaunted as the reason for the planned action. If one buys the Shiv Sena theory that citizens are outraged by Srk’s stand on including Pakistani cricketers in the IPL teams, they are certainly not confusing issues and linking his cricket statements to watching his films! They would definitely like to see ‘MNIK’ but not at the risk of losing their lives and limbs. I guess they’ll have to wait indefinitely for that now!!
Look at this absurdity - in order to enjoy ‘Avatar’, viewers were provided 3-D glasses. ‘MNIK’, will require something even more specialized - will Maharashtra’s Chief Minister, Shri Ashok Chavan, give us combat gear and helmets? Since he has gallantly offered full protection to film enthusiasts, and there are more cops guarding theatres and mutiplexes across the city than there were post- 26\11, it has not just raised several eyebrows, but countless questions as well. The sweet irony is that while Srk’s fans are ready to face lathis, stones and God knows what else, to show their undying love and support to their idol, King Khan himself has flown the coop and is attending premieres in Abu Dhabi and Dubai! No security risks for him on those shores. But what about his bechara fans back in India? Are his emotionally charged tweets-by-the-minute enough to inspire their confidence?
Everybody wants a piece of the MNIK action, it appears. The Mumbai Police are at it…. giving interviews on various channels, and discussing the lengths they’ve gone to so that audiences and theatre owners can go ahead with the screening. That reassurance clearly hasn’t worked going by the decision to pull out the film from theatres. Politicians of all hues are equally busy preening and posturing for the cameras. But busiest of all are the overwrought tv anchors themselves, playing kiddish games of one upmanship, each claiming ‘exclusives’, knowing SRK is an expert at playing the media as and when he needs presswallas. Yet, they fall for it every single time, and look totally star struck in his presence, hanging on to every bon mot from the man who sure has the gift of the gab ( undeniable integrity, unquestionable patriotism,) . In all this tamasha of hogging headlines and playing to the galleries, nobody is overly concerned with actual issues. Personal freedoms form such a low priority in India, that it is a wonder we are even aware we have them. The Constitution is invoked almost ritualistically by the usual suspects, knowing all along that lawless elements out to create trouble rarely look for constitutional approval! Sponsored violence has several takers in our country, and the current agitation against an actor, is yet another example of how easy it is to manipulate those who have nothing to lose by taking to the streets and indulging in wanton destruction of public and private property.
Driving through Mumbai on Thursday afternoon, it was impossible to ignore the exaggerated police presence at every junction. But the average Joe and Jane were least bothered and going about their lives like nothing was amiss. Frankly, that is the apt response to the preposterous show of teeth. And yet, why single out the Shiv Sena for attacking a film or an individual? The Congress may well adopt a holier than thou position and condemn the Sena. But its own record has been equally pathetic. From banning Rushdie’s ‘Satanic Verses’, to more recently stalling the filming of the Nehru-Edwina love story, the Congress has not covered itself with liberal glory. The ‘MNIK’ controversy is yet another instance of opportunistic politics going a bit too far. Star anchors egging on Srk by constantly asking , “ So… you refuse to apologise? You won’t apologise?” was setting the scene for an escalation of the conflict. This is one time the media has taken it upon itself to play both judge and hangman. Prominent journos expressing their support and solidarity to SRK were proving to be more loyal than the King! The usual noises about safe guarding the freedom of expression, protecting the future of democracy etc . etc. may have been trotted out, but at the end of the day it had to do with pushing the phenomenon of a personality cult to a new level. Had it been a lesser star, say a Shahid Kapur, would we have been as incensed, as vocal, as supportive? Bollywood’s star system provides easy alibis and forges convenient alliances. This battle is being waged on a personal level and has little to do with ideology.
Balasaheb has far too much riding on popular perception about him and his party, to allow this fight to fizzle out. India is watching an aged tiger deploying every last resource to save face – and hopefully, save his party. There is a great deal at stake, and vultures are already circling the air above his den.It is no longer a childish question of who blinks first, who apologises or who backs off. Not just the film industry but all of India has its eyes on the battle royale – it has all the elements of a mega pot boiler built into it. Intrigue, money, betrayal, victory. SRK clearly has his powerful backers and supporters in place or else his stand would have been different. But it is the silence SRK’s Bollywood colleagues that says a lot. Read the subtext – sitting on the fence has never been more obvious. Scared of the Shiv Sena? Or…. secretely delighted? Is this the beginning of the end? But for whom….? We shall know soon enough.My prediction? Mumbai will win! It is far bigger than any – repeat, any – individual.

Sick of MNIK ....!

Really! I have had it upto there and beyond. Such shenanigans. So much tamasha. When all along there must have been some kind of an understanding between the main players. Now that the movie is being screened and nobody is burning theatres, can we please change the subject and get on with our lives as they were pre-MNIK??
I am all for civil society speaking up and being counted\heard when there is an issue that presents a threat to democratic principles - freedom of expression, creative options. But I hate to think somewhere down the line, there has been an attempt to manipulate public opinion. This is not a good feeling. Terrorising gullible citizens into silence and inaction is unacceptable in any right thinking society. But what is worse is the suspicion that there was more to it - perhaps a tacit understanding. Or else, how does one abruptly arrive at a compromise formula or even an uneasy truce after a hostile standoff extending over days ? There has been no plausible explanation from either side so far. Which makes one believe kuch setting ho gaya. But with whom and how? Rather, for how much????
While Mumbaikars are relieved and glad that this nonsense has ended, it makes people equally wonder what the fuss was about in the first place? How are theatres better secured today than they were last night? What sort of miracles have the cops performed to reassure movie fans they won't be stoned for watching MNIK?
Thank God for saner times and all that. But was India taken for a royal ride ? If so, by whom? Chief culprit??
I welcome all theories, opinions and debates on the issue. The wilder the better.
Am I rushing to book my ticket for MNIK? Naah. Of course I plan to see it. But I'll live.
My money is on 'Toh Baat Pakki." It sounds delightful. And Tabu is an absolute gem. So is Sharman Joshi. I need a good laugh after the week's high drama. Perhaps I should go in search of Muthalik and teach him the lyrics of that old favourite, " Black is Black.' Ha ha! Boori nazar waley,tera mooh kaala!
Oh... in case you guys are interested, do catch the Karan Thapar show 'India Tonight' that aired yesterday at 10.30pm on cnbc TV18. You can guess the topic, right?? Wonder what happened to the 'mass movement' the Shiv Sena spokesperson Rahul Nirvekar was going on and on about? Where were these masses today?? He also jauntily said, " Our critics will get their answer tomorrow."
Well honey.... we are right here and waiting!

'My Name is Guts....!'

Gosh!How very rude of me! The first thing I should have done on my return to matrubhoomi is to thank you guys. Pourquoi?? Welllllll.... for running such a super efficient news agency! The updates were fantastic! Far better than catching up with stale news from a gigantic pile of old newspapers. I took one look at the heap carefully kept aside for me and decided to stay miles away. Stale news is even worse than a stale samosa. What were those newswallas going to tell me that I didn't already know .... from all of you.... masala included?? Having acknowledged my sincere gratitude.... let's move on.

D-Day or SRK- day is upon us. I am told the city is 'tense', but frankly, I don't have a sense of that at all. I am hazarding a guess - nothing too dramatic is likely to happen tomorrow when the film opens to the public. Some ritualistic dagad-phek, a few torn posters, perhaps a lathi charge. Then it will be back to business as usual - big business. Early reviews suggest a mega hit in the offing. I'm sure both Kaajol and Srk have delivered top class performances. And KJO is a master of the 4-hankie weepie. Full paisa vasool. As to who blinks first.... who cares? It is not a national calamity, merely an ego clash between super egoistical people. The sky isn't about to fall down, folks. So.... relax.

Am I going to risk my skull to watch the movie - first day, first show? Hell, no. Maatha kharab na ki? as the Bongs would say.

All in good time. Don't feel like holding forth on the subject across channels either. Vikram, Sonali, Karan..... I love you. But....kinda sick of the whole naatak. Apologise or don't, yaar. Just stop yakking so much.
The movie I really want to watch is 'Nine'. I hear Penelope Cruz is super delicious in it. But then, can she be anything less??

But as and when I do watch, " My name is Guts..." I shall rush to my laptop and 'do the needful'.

HANOI RETURNED!!

guys, i am warning you .... please don't crucify me if the typing, punctuation and other niceties go for a complete toss in this post. i am at BANGKOK AIRPORT, IN A BIZ LOUNGE WHERE THE COMPUTERS SEEM TO HAVE MINDS OF THEIR OWN. THE CAPS LOCK STAYS ON FOREVER, OR WEIRD STUFF STARTS TO HAPPEN IN AN ARBIT WAY. BUT THE TEMPTATION TO CONNECT IN THIS SPACE WAS SO OVERPOWERING, I TOOK IT FOR GRANTED YOU'D UNDERSTAND AND OVERLOOK. YOU DO AND WILL - RIGHT???
how unimportant news from and about india really is was driven home strongly on this trip. tv channels barely carry a 20 seconds clip every third day, and that too if the story has something to do with economic developments in this region or involves a bomb blast in KASHMIR. SINCE ENGLISH IS BARELY SPOKEN IN VIETNAM, THE FLIMSY local TABLOID ONE SEES IS DEVOTED TO EARTH SHAKING NEWS ABOUT THE NUMBER OF NEW 'TET' FLOWER MARKETS SET UP in the city TO ACCOMMODATE THE DEMAND FOR PEACH TREES OVER THE NEW YEAR (14th feb). it is impossible to make oneself understood even via sign lingo, since their signs seem to be very different from the rest of the world's. khair, i am not complaining - just feeling out of the loop and slightly confused. i did watch a fleeting news item which showed srk arriving at the mumbai airport and referring to the INDIAN constitution, with kaajol and karan walking away grimly and briskly to avoid newswallas. srk did ADD something about every word of his getting 'misconstrued'. HELLO! since when??? srk is a genius with his bon mots and immensely articulate AT ALL TIMES. he hasn't had any problems earlier while delivering off the cuff dialogues and dishing out quotes galore. ab kya ho gaya QUOTE- MACHINE KO ? IRONY! while i am attempting to key this in, there is a group of talkative PAKISTANI GUYS CLOSE BY - THE 'GOOD NEIGHBOURS' SRK WAS TALKING ABOUT. I AM SORELY TEMPTED TO ASK THEM WHAT THEY THINK IS THE REAL ISSUE HERE? is it the ipl imbroglio involving pakistani players or something else? but things in BANGKOK ARE TENSE ENOUGH. WHY ADD TO THE HEAT?
would i recommend VIETNAM AS A TRAVEL DESTINATION? without hesitation! there is nothing particularly pretty about HANOI ( and i certainly did not want to go into those scarey war time tunnels), but the people are warm, friendly, welcoming and the food's terrific. I THREW AWAY THE ANTI BIOTICS I HAD BEEN PRESCRIBED FOR A SINUS ATTACK AND CONCENTRATED ON PHO BO - THE TRADITIONAL BEEF BROTH WITH NOODLES. I SWEAR IT FIXED MY COLD AND CONGESTION. I slurped it up AT B'FAST TOO, AND IT KEPT ME GOING LIKE NOTHING ELSE COULD HAVE.
AAAH - I HAVE KEPT THE BEST FOR LAST - HALONG BAY! it is like being a part of 'Avatar' - MYSTERIOUS, MISTY,mystic ISLANDS - HUNDREDS OF THEM, entice you to explore the emerald green waters of the bay . WE TOOK A LANGUID CRUISE ON THE REPLICA OF AN OLD STEAMSHIP - 'EMERAUDE'. THE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE was ETHEREAL AND DREAMLIKE. AT NIGHT, THE CAPTAIN SCREENED 'INDO-CHINE', THE 1993 MOVIE starring CATHERINE DENEUVE WHICH I BELIEVE HAD WON THE OSCAR IN THE BEST FOREIGN FILM CATEGORY. IT WAS SHOT IN AND AROUND HALONG BAY. AN EERIE LINE IN THE FILM GOES, " Those who get into the labyrinth of these islands are never seen alive again." WELL..... HERE I AM. LIVING PROOF! which only goes to underline something we OFTEN forget - a movie is just a movie. watch and forget!! that's what i said to the owner of one of the most comprehensive dvd stores i have ever been to. this was in the old quarter of hanoi, and we spent nearly two hours talking movies with thien. from rohmer to goddard to kurosawa, he had them all!! and we nearly bought them all!!

a few hours from now, i'll be back in aamchi mumbai. work awaits - aaaaargh. lots of it - double aaaaargh. but memories of my last supper in hanoi will linger. it was at BOBBY CHINN'S SUPER TRENDY RESTAURANT . BOBBY IS HALF VIETNAMESE AND HALF EGYPTIAN - A LEGENDARY CHEF OFTEN CALLED THE ENFANT TERRIBLE OF WORLD CUISINE. HE LOOKS AMAZING AND COOKS AMAZING.AUR KYA MANGTA???

Surprising Saigon!

Biggest surprise?? Saigon, sorry, Ho Chi Minh , is alarmingly like our Kolkata! It even smells the same. But getting into Viet Nam is a bloody ordeal - the customs and immigration guys are rude and awful, make you feel unwanted and like criminals. Is it just a coincidence that only Indians were told to step aside for additional questioning?? We were asked the most absurd questions, despite having all our paperwork in place. " Show us the money," ordered a cop! Ridiculous. But... that's how Commies run their countries and states - it's all about authority!
The locals are less friendly than the sweet, smiling Cambodians, and not interested in us Desis. Aha - but if you are American, they fall over backwards! Strange, given the history of the war. Our cabbie was a major in the army and could recall the most horrifying stories of American brutality. He boasted with relish about shooting Yankees! " But now we are friends... we want to do business with America," he candidly admitted.
I know I am missing out on some really exciting action back in India, but this is important too. One can see the rapid strides of globalisation in this country. They are coping the same way as India - with confusion and a little fear. Traditional societies are slow to respond enthusiastically to these dramatic changes. KFC is right here, but the Vietnamese don't want McDonald's! Make any sense?
I am enjoying the local cuisine and the motorcycle taxis that whizz around manically, ignoring any traffic rules. To call Saigon congested would be an understatement. Like I said, it is Kolkata minus the mishti! Shabby, decaying and yet forging ahead somehow. The buildings are uniformly ugly - except for the Opera House and the remaining French Colonial structures still standing. It is also crazily expensive - we walked into a Gucci store and asked the price of sneakers. They were marked at close to a lakh of rupees!
The good news is that trade ties are looking up. And Communism here is a lot more relaxed. I refuse to visit the tunnels which are reminders of the war. I am happy enough wandering around the different quarters and striking up conversations with locals - very daunting - their 'English' needs an interpreter!
Dying to rush back. Please do fill me in on all the details - who said what to whom etc. I particularly want to know about the Rahul Gandhi - Balasaheb Thackeray spat. 'Aham' I am counting on you!!

Underwhelmed by Angkor Wat... a little jealous, too!

Come on, guys. This is just 990 years old, and we , coming from India, are supposed to be impressed?? Blame it on the heat and dust ( an abundance of both here ), but when I checked in to the Bodia Spa for an hour long massage, I found myself saying, " Been there, done that." Meaning, I was seriously jealous! But one can't stay jealous for long with a people who are just so genteel, kind and sweet! Angkor Wat??? Errr.... yessss... if you don't have Khajuraho and Konarak ... and ....and... Ajanta and Ellora....
I received a text message from Nandana Sen ( same one) urging me to read Amitava Ghosh's account of 'Dancing in Cambodia.' I love Nandana. I love Amitava. But Nandana darling, I promise you I shall get around to reading it -- soon. But hey - this is my discovery of Cambodia. I am ready to dance! But to my own music. Okay??
As a matter of fact, I did just that ( DANCE!) at Pub Street tonight, when the bill came. It was 20 USD. And for that princely amount, we had enjoyed a local feast, plus my husband had had a shot of Black Label and a draft beer. Don't ask me how the math works. I paid $2 for the ride back to Raffles in a tuk tuk, and I am not complaining.
Jackie Kennedy 'discovered' Angkor Wat .... and Cambodia has never been the same again. MAybe India needs a 21st century Jackie O to make it hot and sexy to tourists. Enough of the 'Incredible India' campaign. It has had its day. After hours and hours spent temple- hopping in sweltering heat, I am all templed out! We leave for Saigon tomorrow afternoon. But not before enjoying yet another massage . YEAH!!! It's a hard, hard life. But someone's got to live it, right?? And here I am ... sharing my sorrows with you. Did I tell you about those croc bags at bargain basement prices???

Oh.... will someone back home please tell me what the hell is going on?? I am being bombarded with requests from Arnab, Karan, Barkha to be on various panels. It sounds awfully boring! Same old 'Insider\Outsider' nonsense.
Aur ab tera kya hoga Kaliya... err... Khan??

Siam Reap Se....

I am totally in love with Cambodia and all things Cambodian ( throw in Amok fish curry, for sure!). I got here late this afternoon and love happened instantly! Went off to the Old Market and found BARGAINS!!! Went to the French Quarter and died! It is quaint, charming and cheap!!!! The tuk tuk driver looked at me and asked , " Indian?" I nodded an enthusiastic 'yes'! He went into raptures over Govinda! Not the Big B, not Sallu,not SRK. A man after my own heart. I adore Govinda.

I avoided the Tomb Raider cocktail at the seedy bar we went to on Pub Street ( what a street - every city should have one!!). The menu said it was inspired by Angelina Jolie. Well..... she don't inspire me much! However