Salman Khan and Baba Ramdev:Both are 'Ready'!

This appeared in Sunday Times...


What do Salman Khan and Baba Ramdev have in common…?


Let me put it bluntly - Salman Khan and Baba Ramdev have hot bods . Very hot. They are poster boys for Ultimate Fitness. In fact, it’s all about the bod. Both men know as much. Both have made their reputations flaunting their impressive physical assets. And both go happily shirtless, displaying great panache along with their sculpted silhouettes.Think about it…. Baba Ramdev shot to fame much after Salman ( ‘The Bod’) Khan. The ‘Rockstar of Yoga,’ as Ramdev has been famously called, used the television platform to promote himself and become a household name. As a Yoga teacher, he made more Indians aware of physical fitness than any expert has succeeded in doing so far. Salman Khan made it in the movies on a mega scale after he decided to bare his torso and flex his biceps. Salman has been rightfully credited with generating impressive revenues for desi akhadas and gyms, to which countless men rushed wishing to emulate the actor and acquire a drool worthy physique. For the Khan, his daily workout is non-negotiable. It’s his religion. Ditto for Ramdev. Now that Salman is officially the most successful Khan in Bollywood, producers who want to work with him are expected to provide the star with a full fledged gym on the sets. Baba Ramdev doesn’t need a gym – he is the gym! Despite their different approach to acquiring the body beautiful, both these guys know it is their dedication to their respective physiques that has millions of ardent devotees panting. Salman shares his fitness mantras generously with friends, foes and fans. Baba Ramdev shares his with strangers – anybody who cares to switch on his channel or join his classes . Salman gives away his trade secrets for free. Baba Ramdev charges a bomb (Rs.10,000 per session insist his detractors). So far, Salman has not starved for a cause.Nor has he joined politics( he’s leaving that option to the other Khans!). Even though Salman is the top earner in his line of business, he doesn’t own a private jet yet ( his fans send him theirs!). Nor do Delhi politicos come running to the airport to meet him. But several Sheikhs in the Middle East do just that each time he lands up to promote a film. Salman travels with an entourage that includes Shera, his faithful bodyguard. Baba Ramdev’s entourage is much bigger and he has several bodyguards. Salman has a sense of humour. Baba Ramdev, none! Salman frequently laughs at himself. Baba Ramdev has detractors laughing at him. Significantly, both men are single. But only one of them is ready to mingle ( guess who?). In terms of mass hysteria, it’s hard to say which one generates more passion. If Ramdev’s followers were overflowing at the Ram Lila grounds last week, Salman’s besotted fans can effortlessly fill a couple of stadiums – no occasion required. Talking of ‘fan-love’ – Salman’s fans happen to be so hard core, they are ready to slaughter anybody who dares to criticize their beloved Sallu Bhai or Bhai Jaan. Baba Ramdev’s bhakts are equally fanatical. It’s called chela pyaar. Both men are acutely aware of their formidable star power… they have it, flaunt it, and exploit it. Salman peddles his Being Human line of products for charity. Ramdev sells assorted ‘cures’ for everything from cancer to baldness, for himself.
Charisma is hard – very hard - to deconstruct. In the case of these two men, one can see what turns movie audiences on each time Salman shakes his butt and goes, ‘Chak Dhinachak..” Ramdev turns into a pretzel each morning and breathes heavily as followers gasp and swoon. Devotees find all of this unbeatably sexy. Crowd mentality is hard to predict, but it’s safe to say if anybody can mobilize impressive mobs and throngs without really trying, it’s these two guys. If anybody can get thousands to leave home, forget khaana peena temporarily and join a movement – you- know-who can pull it off. So, what is it about such people that drives other people nuts? Nuts enough to abandon good sense, logic, rational behaviour… sanity, for Gods’sake? No idea, Sirji! Both are entertainers par excellence. They understand the medium and know that that is the message. Both perform effortlessly 24x7 – that’s show business. Both manipulate. Both make money. The big difference is that one of them wants to lead India out of the dark ages and banish black money. The other makes a living in an industry where the colour of money is unimportant. Both insist there is no political agenda behind their public posturing. Maybe we should give them the benefit of the doubt. It would be amusing to see them sharing the same platform some day… visualize the scene : two shirtless superstars , one breathless, the other breathing through one nostril, both flexing muscles ( one, politically, the other literally) and the crowds going crazy!
Wow! Yeh mera India – are you ‘Ready’ for it??
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Good to be home. Nothing like comfort food to welcome home weary travellers... though I have to confess I could have happily spent three more days in Barcelona. Paella and Picasso - what is there not to love about this incredible city?

Nightmare in Barceloña...

Blogdosts, I have really, really missed this space. Let me put it this way, Barceloña, gorgeous as it is, can be tough for anybody who does not speak Spanish. Here i am at the airport lounge after a battle at immigration. I am convinced there is something about my personality and attitude that sets me up for these crazy searches and questioning each time i am in Europe. But i managed to feast on Gaudi and Picasso and Miro.... reminding me poignantly of M.F.Husain´s tragic end in a strange country. Here in Spain, they honour their artists.... respect them. Streets are named after great cellists and painters. Look at how shabbily we treat our cultural icons. Have to rush to catch my flight home. More from me tomorrow. Adios.

Husain Saab.....farewell

The Gods must have been on my side. Not only did I get to say my farewell to my beloved Baba, as I called him but I was fortunate enough to have two hours of his precious time all to myself. Husain Saab was that kind of person . Addictive. You never could get enough of his extraordinary persona. You wanted to hog every second of his time. I have spent the better part of today mourning the death of Indias greatest artist. A true renaissance figure... So much larger than life. I was lucky to have known him for close to 40 years. It was a very, very special friendship.... He touched my life more profoundly than perhaps either of us realised. Tomorrow is his funeral. I shall be there. But what's the bet he himself will be chuckling at the circus that those wicked politicians want to make out of the Masters death? I have written my tribute for the Times of India. But if you ask me no tribute is good enough for a man who was not allowed to die in his own country. We should hang our heads in shame.

London calling

Guys... This is a test run. I am keying this in from London. The weather is wretched.and I am hungry.but in no mood to go in search of food.last night we had an extraorinary dinner at a place called DInner. It was out of this world. I am just about getting the hang of the iPad. So, do forgive me for all the errors. Do let me know in detail vahan kya ho raha hai. And frankly, I am sick of the baba Ramdev tamasha.

Bankers or Bonkers???

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First, the pictures: Check out the 5 Kings of Bhutan ( pin-ups, all!) proudly presented on a billboard at the airport.And those wonderful monk-musicians. But please, please, please look carefully at the picture with the rainbows - there are TWO of them! Let's call it a double whammy! And yes, there is a pot of gold at the end of both! And that lovely lady is the Socialite Supreme of Bhutan. Khendum rules! She was our host at a chic luncheon held in the Aman Kora, up in the hills. Great chef ( what amazing black cod fishcakes!). But otherwise, a lifeless location.
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I am getting ready to watch 'Ready' this evening, before heading for the airport.... first stop London, followed by Barcelona. May go missing from this space for a while... indulge me!
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This appeared in the Asian Age today....

There was a time, long, long ago, when my parents were naïve enough to go in search of a suitable boy for their youngest daughter (me!). First preference? A Saraswat Brahmin, IAS officer. Second? A Saraswat Brahmin doctor or engineer. There was no third option. Clearly, their misguided attempts failed totally. And they reconciled themselves to supporting a wicked, no-good beti who refused to ‘obey’, and insisted on cutting her own hair (the famous ‘Sadhana Fringe’- a rage at the time). But even in their desperation and through those long months of utter despair (“our daughter, the spinster”), one thing they were completely clear about : no bankers for their fourth child. I guess my parents were a whole lot smarter than I gave them credit for. I mean… look at what’s going on. From Rajat Gupta ( and wait till you hear juicier stories about this player – they are out there and about to go public), to DKS and now this Egyptian chap, Mahmoud Abdel Salam Omar, who was arrested after assaulting – you’ve guessed it – a maid, during his stay at the posh ‘Pierre’ in New York. Oofff! What’s with this ‘Bonk and be damned’ brigade ? Makes me sigh: Achcha bhai, parents ke objection mein kuch toh logic tha. One can’t say about the bad behaviour displayed by these banker types - it’s only about the money, honey. Money… especially other people’s money, is indeed super sexy. But a few of these horny toads obviously equate money with absolute power – the kind that says you can jump on the first female you find, and she should feel honoured to be “sexually abused, assaulted, touched, imprisoned and harassed” ( these are the charges against the man from Alexandria, who was the chairman of the Egyptian American Bank) by such a creature. There are several similar sleaze balls in Indian banking as well… and God help us if some of our five star hotel employees decide to squeal and tell all some day. Vat laga dengey!
For one, most people do not know the distinction between running a bank and owning one. Sure, both jobs require fiscal astuteness, but come on, guys, it’s just another job. Someone’s got to do it! For years and years, bankers were seen as big, fat bores. Especially by women. Dull, discreet and deadly. A good banker was meant to be seen but not heard. Talking about cracking deals and other equally crass issues was considered totally infra dig if not outright embarrassing. Good bankers stayed below the radar, were determinedly low profile and certainly didn’t party with the swish set ( yup, the same set they discreetly financed). Top bankers were shadowy figures who went about their wheeling and dealing with the stealth of ace robbers. It was a vital part of their job description to confuse everybody into thinking they were doing something impossibly profound and hard to fathom, when in fact, they were doing exactly what Shylock did – scalping everybody. Taking money from this one and passing it on to that one, while making a whopping commission for the bank. In the process, they also gave themselves humungous bonuses and generally lived like Kings. Often, far better than the impoverished maharajahs whose palaces they happily attached for non-payment of dues. As numbers ( and ambition) grew, our extra-smart , homegrown bankers were poached by Monster Banks worldwide. And those same fellows who used to sneak around corners clad in boring brown ( yes, brown!) polyester suits and synthetic striped ties, were suddenly all over the place dressed by Armani\ Tom Ford, posing and preening away on the covers of global business magazines, thinking they were Gordon Gekko himself. As a creed, ‘Greed is Good’ worked for most of them. Till a few were caught with their hands in the cookie jar, or worse, with their pants down.
The World Bankwallahs were in a league of their own. They formed the super elite Big Boys’ Club, and believed they actually held the keys of the kingdom in their hot little paws. These guys had the power! They knew it. They flaunted it. They used it. And still do. Nobody knows their asli agenda. The World Bank operates like an ancient secret society where the only thing that matters is the CYA mantra – Cover Your Ass. The people who work for the WB are like the commandos we saw in action during the Mumbai terror attacks. Their identities are not always revealed. Nor are their agendas. But we know they are out there ‘doing something important.” What that is, does not matter. It’s just one of those reassuring illusions we hang on to when most of us don’t know any better The WB gang has the best time of all. They live like royalty wherever they are posted. Their spouses specialize in swiping credit cards. Their kids enjoy amazing privileges and get into Ivy League schools effortlessly. Scandals associated with this bunch, are managed with minimum collateral damage. As lifestyles go, theirs are deluxe. Check this out - they jet around the globe traveling first class, attending power events, seated at the high table with Presidents and Prime Ministers. Errr, it is said they buy and sell countries, too.Their pampered partners talk in lofty terms about acquiring havelis in Rajasthan, the way others talk about buying a Hyundai. Why then would anybody be foolish enough to throw away such astonishing perks … all because of an uncontrollable pecker? It’s a question worth asking some of our smarty pants. Same fellows who have given Indian business and Indian banking such a bad name internationally.

One only hopes ( izzat ke vaastey) their bonking prowess remains far superior to their banking skills!

Bhutan Hangover - 2 !

As you can tell... I haven't come down to earth yet! Which is a good thing. My head is still in those amazing clouds that roll in across the spectacular mountain ranges surrounding this magical kingdom.
That's the Everest!!!! I shot the picture rubbing sleep out of my eyes as the captain of Drukair told us to look to our left and spot the world's most awesome peak!
The other images tell their own story. That's me at the Paro airport, minutes after landing. The picture was shot by Imtiaz, NDTV'S very competent cameraman.
That stunning building is the Taj Tashi - if it looks like an ancient structure, it's intentional. The government of Bhutan enforces a strict architectural code and every building has to adhere to the traditional model. And those lovely ladies in Kiras are singing welcome songs in the courtyard of the Taj.
You are warned : Before I leave for London this weekend, I shall post more pics! That's a promise or a threat. Take your pick!

Bhutan:Somewhere over the rainbow...

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http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/just-books/writing-fiction-after-13-yrs-shobha-de/200965

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Happy Birthday Maddy!! Rohan Sippy and Madhavan were just such cool guys to conduct a session with - knowledgeable,charming, sure of their craft. And mainly, no Bollywood airs or sho-sha. Just regular guys who know what the hell they are doing - and do it well. I didn't particularly like 'Dum Maro Dum' and said so in print. But did Rohan sulk and take idiotic personal pot shots? Naaah! He's educated, you see! Ditto for Maddy, who behaved like just another delegate.

I have several Bhutan images - Mt. Everest included!! All I need is some rah rah encouragement from you.... and I shall promptly oblige. Remember - you were warned!

Oh.... the link is the Sunil Sethi interview for NDTV's long-running show - Just Books.



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Found it.....

The Yellow Brick Road leading from the airport at Paro to Thimphu, in Bhutan witnessed a strange sight last week, as the local Wizard ( Indian Ambassador Pavan Varma) played host to Tin Men, Scarecrows and several Dorothys who descended on the comparatively tiny( 38,394 square kilometers) kingdom hoping to pass off as heavy-duty writers, thinkers and intellectuals at the third edition of a Lit Fest, appropriately titled ‘Mountain Echoes’. Well, there were fascinating Bhutan-India Echoes at the three day jamboree that was inaugurated by Bhutan’s beauteous Queen Mother Ashi Dorji Wangmo Wangchuk. At 57, she is astonishingly youthful, energetic and charming, besides being an author of two well received books that reflect her concerns for the kingdom that is slowly but surely getting seduced by a world that has so far seen Bhutan only as an exoticised Shangri La. Or more accurately, some vague La-La land of chanting monks and medieval practices. The gorgeous Queen Mum decided to do something about these misconceptions . The only way to find out for herself how her people really felt… how they lived… what their dreams were… was to set off on a padayatra before penning “ Treasures of the Thunder Dragon’. Her Majesty traveled on foot to different parts of Bhutan often trekking seventeen days at a stretch through thick jungles ( over 72% of Bhutan is under forest cover) and crossing mountain passes above 5000 metres ( 20% of the country remains under perpetual snow). She said with a disarming smile when I met her, “I wanted to do this while I was physically fit enough . I would have liked to travel incognito, but that wasn’t always possible. I took detailed notes along the way. I wanted to narrate the story of 21st century Bhutan and tell the world we do not live in a time- warp.” This book comes ten years after her first one… and a lot has changed in the kingdom during that decade.
The sharp, erudite and articulate Prime Minister of Bhutan, Lyonchen Jigme Thinkey admitted as much, albeit circuitously during a lively interaction with Lit Fest delegates. Never mind that some of our self-styled gyaanwallahs were crass enough tell the P.M. on how better to do his job. To his credit, he handled most of this unsolicited advice with a smile, an amusing anecdote and enormous grace. His concerns reflect those of most Bhutanese, who realize their idyllic, isolated life stands threatened by the advent of so-called modernity..Television was introduced in 1999. Information technology as we know it, has altered the cloistered lives of over 10,000 monks, who ensure the teachings of the Buddha ( Bhutan adheres to the Mahayana School ) are preserved and communicated to the people. The Queen Mum writes that Bhutanese monks today adeptly use computers to prepare scrolls of 100,000 prayers to place inside prayer wheels.But so sure is she of the deeply spiritual culture of her people, she states confidently that the Bhutanese have an extraordinary capacity to “appreciate, absorb and adapt.” Her optimistic vision is not entirely shared by locals who point out that though foreign-educated students choose to come back home to Bhutan after acquiring fancy international degrees, the rather charming ( if naïve) concept of GNH ( Gross National Happiness) in place of the more boring, predictable and conventional GDP(Gross Domestic Product) followed by the rest of the developed world, doesn’t quite cut it with the youth. The ever-smiling Prime Minister shares the Queen Mum’s dream when he says Bhutan is proposing a world debate on the true meaning of wealth. “How does anybody define wealth? Is it only about what you have? Or also about what you are?” he asks. Officially, the Bhutanese are meant to take a holistic approach to measure their own Happiness Quotient. This includes chasing prosperity at their own pace and terms but not at the cost of their traditions and customs. On paper it’s a splendid idea. But how practical is it? Bhutan built its first ( and only) airport as late as in 1983. Just 14,000 tourists visited Bhutan in 2005.The number has not gone up dramatically since then. Bhutan is not for backpackers, officials say. Thank God for that! But with the recent introduction of charters from India, Bhutan must brace itself for the onslaught of Unruly Indians ruining the pristine hills and vales of the orderly Kingdom. The trading of tobacco is banned ( no ciggies, if you are a citizen). But alcoholism and an addiction to paan remain rampant. There are no multiplexes, no shopping malls ( the first one is still under construction), no casinos and no coffee shops or bars outside the five star hotels.So how do the Bhutanese keep themselves amused? Shrugged a beautiful socialite who had married and divorced four husbands, “ What else is there to do? I was so bored!” Quite so.
Well, there is the Royal Wedding in October to look forward to… a devastatingly handsome 31-year-old, Oxford-educated King (Jigme Keshar Namgyel Wangchuk) is all set to marry the delicate 20-year-old Jetsun Pema (who did her schooling in India at Sanawar). And is it going to be an extravaganza designed to overshadow the Kate-William nuptials? “Oh, no!” insisted the P.M. when I asked, adding ,“Our King is keeping it small and simple. He is not planning to invite international media, nor heads of state to the wedding. Not even kings and queens from across the world. He is a very unassuming, reserved man.” In that case, I must have clicked a really rare photograph of the couple on the day of their engagement when they casually strolled into our Ambassador’s home which is located on a sylvan 70-acre property (the site was selected by Indira Gandhi). King Wangchuk placed a protective arm around his fiancee’s shoulder and smiled for the camera. Perhaps a fairytale wedding is being ruled out at this point. But don’t bet on it not happening.As for me, I got my fairytale moment with the couple, and I’m not complaining!