I have got myself a NULIFE!

First came the well organised press conference in Mumbai, at which the NULIFE  philosophy was spelt out. Then came the launch of the project at Kamshet. I enjoyed both experiences because I believe it is time for senior citizens to demand a higher quality of life, which includes their safety,security and well-being.
The project sounds promising. And it has obviously addressed a really strong need in the target group for 900 interested people to show up on a Sunday morning and take a look at the plans and dummy flat for themselves. Going by the enthusiastic response that morning, the promoters are feeling energised and enthusiastic enough to go all out and complete the complex within the stipulated time frame.
As for me, I was delighted and overwhelmed by the response to my bill boards and ads . It is important to send out a strong and positive message about the years ahead. Senior living needs to be redefined and further refined. These are the golden years. And NULIFE offers a golden opportunity to enjoy them to the fullest.

We, the women, thank you Tarun Tejpal...

                                      We, the Women…thank you, Tarun Tejpal.

It is astounding how it takes just one case  for the worm to turn! For decades, we have been talking about the abject sexual harassment of women in the work place…. with NOTHING happening. And suddenly, the issue is out there  - the genie is out of the bottle, folks! And there’s no looking back now. The seminal moment is here. If we don’t recognize it…. if we are foolish enough to let it slip away noiselessly -  unnoticed and  trivialized – we will  be condemning ourselves to live with humiliation and degradation for the next fifty years. Two generations of women in the work place have silently suffered some form of  harassment or the other, unsure of  how to handle gender crises – big and small. Our time starts now.

 So….thank you,Tarun Tejpal. You have played the role of a catalyst in this vital discourse. And we owe you a big one. Media houses, in particular, have always bound themselves by some peculiar oath. The oath declares – when men f*** up, nobody say nuthin’. And nobody does. Or did. Overnight, that omerata has been thrown right out of the window. A woman has spoken up. And spoken up strongly. Inspired by her courage, more and more women have also spoken up. It took guts for the young woman to do what she did ( and can we please ignore the misogynists in our midst who are saying it’s all a dirty right wing conspiracy?).  The young journo expected justice from her employers. She got none. But she got something much bigger in its place  - she found her voice. And it is this voice that is being echoed across India. Hundreds of women have come forward to share their horror stories. Hundreds have derived succor from the young journo’s courage in taking on someone as well known and as well connected. Especially since we have seen the fate that has befallen some other, equally gutsy women who have tried to expose the misconduct of their bosses. Some were killed, others driven to suicide, still others banished to a life worse than death, with no hope of future employment.

 In the bad, old days women who spoke up were called witches and burnt at the stake. Today, they are called bitches. And ostracized. I hear men  labelling such women ‘trouble makers’. I hear men complain, “She doesn’t co-operate…” Or the newer version : “ She refuses to adjust.” Decoded, these statements mean just one thing  … there is just one connotation : She refuses to give. If a woman refuses to give, that amounts to professional suicide. Word gets around very quickly. And she becomes dead meat in the market. Remember, even Tejpal held out the same threat when he allegedly told his employee  the best way to keep her  job was to go along with his sexual overtures. Most women in her situation would have got the message loud and clear….but not all of them would have found the courage to speak up. By doing that, she has inadvertently breached a dam. Now that the floodgates have been opened, there is no going back .

Whichever way this bizarre case goes -  and I certainly don’t see it taking either a logical or predictable course – the inner landscape has definitely changed for the women of India.  For a few brave ones, so has the outer. With more support systems emerging from unlikely quarters (who could have imagined conservative families standing by abused daughters even five years ago?), today’s young women simply can’t be pushed around. If the boss can’t keep his pants up, sorry, he should brace himself for handcuffs. For all those men who leer, pass cheap remarks or accidentally brush past their female colleagues in the belief they’ll get away with it, the writing is on the wall in big, bold letters – THE PARTY IS OVER.’ It has taken one brave woman to change the old rules of this ugly game. And brave she most certainly is. Make no mistake about that : each time a woman makes a charge of sexual misconduct against a powerful man, she risks her life. We have seen this in case after case. The victim in the Tejpal case is no different. She too has risked her life.

The Tehelka journalist has expectedly resigned. At the time of writing, there was a clumsy attempt to convert the case into a political battle, in which – get this – Tejpal is the victim. If not a martyr. It started with penance, atonement and laceration. The only thing that now remains is a dramatic self- crucifixion. If even that doesn’t succeed, other options will present themselves. Given Tejpal’s penchant for florid prose, there will be any number of publishers waiting with juicy contracts for his memoir. Trouble is we can’t be sure of the version  he’ll write, given that his narrative has changed so many times in under a week. A smart literary agent should tell him nothing sells as well as pure, unalloyed truth. Take a tip from the victim, Tejpal. She has stuck to her story. And freed countless women. If Tejpal really wishes to redeem himself – in the eyes of his shamed family, in his own eyes, and in the eyes of the world  -  he should have the guts to speak the whole truth and nothing but. In so doing, he too will free men like himself… by holding up a mirror and showing them their own sorry selves in the reflection. Give it a shot, Tarun. You’ll feel so much lighter. And so will we.

The sad saga of Tarun Tejpal....

.This appeared in Mumbai Mirror today. Before the arrest...

                   Uneasy lies the head….

There was no escaping the word ‘uneasy’ this week. Too many awful things were taking place at  around the same time. The required mental space to absorb these rapid and sordid developments , was missing. The unease was caused on two levels – professional and personal. While I don’t know the Talwars,  I have  followed the grisly  five-year-old murder trial of Aarushi, their teenage daughter, in her own bed. What was a mystery back then, remains a mystery till today. Yes, even after the parents have been convicted of the crime ( life sentences for the double murders – Aarushi’s and  that of their domestic help, Hemraj). Then there was the equally disturbing Tarun Tejpal case, with all its bizarre twists and turns. No grisly murder here, except for the murder of several reputations. Trouble is, I know Tejpal. Not all that well. But certainly as a social friend, who has been to our home ( I have not been to his). We also have several friends in common, which was certainly not the case with the Talwars. The difficult questions  people in media were asking themselves last week were these : If you know someone  enough to invite them home, share a couple of meals with them and interact in an amiable way when paths crossed, how  difficult  is it to comment publicly on what has undoubtedly become one of the most high profile sexual harassment cases in recent times? The frank answer is ‘Very!” It is indeed very difficult to put your opinion on the line and say it like it is. But then again, is it fair to stay out of the dialogue because of this reason? To me, the answer is obvious: “No”. You don’t step out of something that is far bigger than the individual involved. You don’t stay silent when the issue is this important. Once the young journalist’s letter was leaked, everything  became fair game. Discourses on the mess raged across television channels and countless social media platforms. The mess got messier.  Especially after the far-from-dexterous handling of the crisis by a gang one can dismissively call ‘Friends of Tarun’. The dated idea of  ‘dog doesn’t eat dog’, combined with the even sillier institution of  the Old Boys’ Club showing public solidarity for one of their own, exacerbated the issue still further, making all those chaps bleating away on panel discussions , look rather foolish. The case being what it is, cannot be convincingly defended, even by Tejpal’s most loyal drinking buddies. They tried! But all they got for their show of loyalty was derision and sneering (“ Birds of a feather…”). Especially after Tejpal did an about turn and slandered the victim.

The Talwars had it tougher. The only people to put up a pretty spirited and valiant defense on their behalf were family members and their lawyer. The Talwars were pretty isolated by the time the verdict came in. And regardless of whether there is a section of society that still believes in their innocence, for all practical purposes, it’s now a dead story. Even though we still don’t know for sure who did it and why (murder weapon missing, motive not established). Both these Delhi-based stories packed a powerful emotional punch. Which is also why nobody could remain neutral or uninvolved in the debates that followed. In both cases, the targets were young, vulnerable girls. One is dead. The other is courageously fighting on. Something is terribly wrong. And drawing conclusions becomes that much harder when you know the accused. In this instance, Tejpal. It also makes one wonder whether one can really ‘know’ someone. To all those fellows standing by Tarun, and willingly sticking their necks out for him, my sympathies. They sound just as loutish as Tarun. But that’s entirely their prerogative. But for all those men and women who have stood by the victim from the word go – now, that takes guts. Loyalty is definitely a cherished virtue in these fickle times. But surely truth and fair play stand for much more?

I can hear the laughter of the men defending Tejpal as they as they order another round of beer at their favourite club. I can hear them say, “What’s the big deal? It was just another elevator encounter….like so many other similar encounters. Poor Tarun!”

Poor Tarun, is right. But NOT in the way his cronies mean it. And poor Talwars, too.

Moral bankruptcy is a great leveler…. and spares nobody. As no doubt Tejpal and the Talwars have discovered.

Silver lining for our golden years!

I am delighted to sign on as Brand Ambassador for NULIFE! Their motto? Grow Young!
Senior living is going to be the next big thing in India, as our cities shrink, life expectancy goes up and children don't have the time to look after ageing parents ( global problem). I liked the holistic concept that was presented to me before I signed on. The complex will be up and running in approximately three years. It promises security and top class health care at a pretty reasonable price. Check out the website and judge for yourself!

What sort of ''átonement'are we talking about??

This appeared in the Sunday Times...

             When  terms of ‘Atonement’  backfire….

I was tempted to write this column in Spanish ( thank you, Shoma Chaudhary), but thought better of  it, given that in any crisis, good, clear and honest communication has a far better chance of convincing people, than the use of fancy  language and childish taunts. Since we live in an age of Brand Success overriding virtually every other attribute, this week’s sordid scandal involving an alarmingly young (18) female employee fighting off aggressive sexual advances of her middle- aged (58)  boss/ mentor,  inside  the cramped confines of an elevator in a Goa hotel, is an interesting case in point. Regardless of  how the saga eventually pans out , the damage done to Brand Tehelka is looking pretty grim and perhaps irreversible. Enough has appeared about the lurid details of the case, so let’s skip the muck, and focus on what could have been done to salvage a pretty hopeless situation. And, more importantly, what wasn’t. Briefly put , the charge against Tarun Tejpal is serious. And here’s  Mistake Number One : It wasn’t treated seriously enough  -  either by Tejpal or his Managing Editor, Shoma Chaudhary. Mistake Number Two: the wording of  Tejpal’s admission / apology. It was pretentious in the extreme. And sounded totally hollow. Excuse me, but who the hell talks of ‘atonement’ and ‘laceration’ except overwrought actors in dreadful Hollywood Biblicals from another era? Mistake Number Three : when the excreta had already hit the ceiling fan and there was clearly no going back, Ms. Choudhary chose to go on the offensive, instead of displaying remorse or even plain regret for what had transpired during her watch. She nonchalantly referred to the attempted rape of her junior colleague as an ‘untoward incident’. Mistake Number Four : Tejpal decided his own punishment for his ‘lapse of  judgement’ and grandly mentioned ‘recusing’ himself for six months. Nothing more was needed . The damage was done.

If only, the two main players in this mess ( Choudhary and Tejpal), had shown some sensitivity towards the victim ( that’s the very least under the circumstances), and done the right thing by seeking legal opinion to help the young woman , perhaps the widespread criticism that has hit them would have been less strident. There is nothing heroic about a sexual assaulter admitting his crime, especially since he was probably aware of the CCTV camera footage that  could eventually nail him. For his buddies to laud him for being ‘gutsy’ and ‘honest’ by owning up, shows a pathetically skewered way of thinking. It is the victim who showed guts by speaking up. Well after all hell had broken loose, and social media platforms had created a war zone out of the controversy, nothing of any worth was forthcoming from Tehelka’s side. And this is where arrogance and short sightedness kicked in. Asking a media person if he was ‘an aggrieved party’ compounded the original sin and only succeeded in alienating  / angering the press further. At this point, what Tejpal and Chaudhary  needed  was the support of   media colleagues and well wishers.  But after this boo boo, nobody of consequence was willing to stick his/her neck out and defend what was increasingly looking indefensible. Even those early sympathizers who were shocked that “ one of us” had done something this horrible!

Now that the Pandora’s Box has been pried open, it will be very difficult to put a lid on the scandal. By challenging public opinion, Chaudhary may have hammered the last nail into Tehelka’s coffin. The answer to her rather rude question , “Are you the aggrieved party?” thrown at a jouno, is a resounding ‘Yes’.  Every woman in India can claim to be the aggrieved party under these awful circumstances. Regardless of whether the young victim pursues the case, it is really out of her hands now. Public opinion is far more lethal than any amount of self-inflicted laceration and atonement . Admirers of  the Tehelka brand of journalism have long believed that this powerful brand stood for the truth. Stood for justice. Penning weak apologies in over heated prose is a poor substitute for both – justice and the truth.

A young woman’s dignity is worth much more than the token ‘atonement’ on offer. Who should know that better than the two firebrand crusaders and activists who had taken it upon themselves to teach India how to THINK?

When a mentor becomes a predator....

This appeared in Mumbai Mirror...

              What happens when a mentor turns predator?

 I have been a working woman most of my adult life. Today, I have four daughters in the work place. I  have been very fortunate in that I managed to take my safety and security in the office entirely for granted and have come through without having to deal with a single unpleasant incident that could’ve scarred me for life. Can my daughters (and millions of working women across India), hope for the same? Going by several recent encounters of the unsavoury kind, the answer is obvious. Not because men have changed. But the times have. Women in an earlier zamana were conditioned by society’s lop- sided rules to shut up and put up if  the boss was acting ‘forward’ ( that was the strongest term used for what was and remains, nothing short of sexual harassment). Even mothers would advise daughters to change –  their way of dressing,  behavior, thinking. The unspoken message was unambiguous: men will be men. The boss is your superior. He can get you fired. You will lose your job. What then?

 Well, we now have the answer. And the answer is pretty simple : Speak up!This is exactly what Tarun Tejpal’s 18-year-old victim did. She plucked up the courage to nail her mentor/boss after she was ( allegedly) sexually assaulted by Tejpal (58), on two separate occasions at what has become an annual pilgrimage for the country’s intellectual elite – the THINK Fest in Goa. Let’s leave it to the Goa police to decide what happens next as per the law of the land. The incriminating CCTV footage is with them. And, of course, there is Tejpal’s own admission and apology. Without delving into lurid details,  but going by what is already in the public domain, it is safe to conclude that the 18- year-old employee (whose best friend happens to be Tejpal’s daughter), was traumatized enough to provide a detailed account of what happened inside an elevator, with a man who was not just her boss/ mentor, but also her father’s friend. A man she looked up to, admired and most importantly, trusted.  Here is the most disturbing part of the sordid saga. What were the victim’s options at that critical point when she had to get into the elevator with this figure of authority? Should she have refused to travel in the same elevator car, sensing the man’s intentions? Pressed the alarm bell? Complained to hotel security? Rushed to the police the next morning? Come on… how many inexperienced young girls would have the presence of mind to take any of those steps? She did what any frightened person would do – she spoke about her awful, emotionally shattering experience to her friends, and later to her family. That she must have been shell-shocked, is a given. That she must also have felt pretty powerless right after the attack, is understandable. It took the victim a few days to write an email to her Managing Editor, Shoma Chaudhary. What happened subsequently with Ms. Chaudhary , need not be gone into here. The bald truth is staring us in the face – a mentor preyed on the vulnerability of a young, female employee and abused his power. Period. It is not an uncommon story. Predictably enough, the  trickle of  support Tejpal received was primarily  from other men -  his cronies.  That’s how most Boys’ Clubs operate around the world. Members immediately close ranks and stand by the accused man. No thought is spared for the woman who has been assaulted and humiliated.

Perhaps, this particular incident signals the beginning of the end of this form of female subjugation in the work place. The brave young victim chose to go public with what was a beastly attack on her, by a man she considered a father figure. There are thousands of women caught in similar situations. Forget committees and enquiries. Forget legalese and officialese. All those take time and test the patience of victims and their families. The first and most effective thing to do is expose the assaulter. Show zero tolerance. Go to the police. Demand justice. Shame the predator publicly. It is your dignity. Your life.

 No more suffering in silence!

Aapla Sachin....

This was written for a commemorative volume on Sachin, which was launched during his final Test Match...

                                      Aapla Sachin….

We Maharashtrians are a funny lot. To begin with, we don’t really have too many contemporary heroes ( the last icon was Chhatrapati Shivaji). Despite the acute shortfall of people to adore and worship, we are the last ones to wake up and applaud ‘our’ achievers. It is so typical of the community’s mentality, that once one of our own does receive world- wide fame and recognition, we quickly appropriate the person and take credit for the spectacular success (“ After all, he/she is a Maharshtrian… it is in our genes” ). So it was with the Master Blaster. Today, we possessively call him ‘Aapla Tendlya’. Sachin Tendulkar is as Maharashtrian as kandey-pohey. He may be one of the biggest global celebrities alive, but scratch the surface and you’ll find a true-blue Shivaji Park product – as unpretentious as vada pao or dahi misal. This is perhaps his biggest strength. Sachin has never forgotten his roots. And not all the commemorative gold Coke cans in the world can change that. It is his down to earth attitude that keeps him sane and sensible…. that took him to the top of the game. And has kept him there for 25 long years.

Most high profile Maharashtrians are not entirely comfortable with fame. Think Lata Mangeshkar. Sachin has lived with  adulation on a scale that very few human beings enjoy. But whether he is being carried on the shoulders of his team mates ( post-World Cup victory) or has fawning fans falling at his feet wherever he goes, the expression on his face rarely changes. He remains almost shockingly restrained . It is this restraint that has taken him to the pinnacle of his cricketing prowess. He gives nothing away – neither in defeat, nor when he is riding the wave. Some would call his  behaviour robotic and programmed. I call it his Maharashtrian reserve. The community tends to frown on an open display of  exhuberance in public. It is considered somewhat vulgar and déclassé. Modesty and reserve are highly prized virtues. Sachin has been raised to keep his head down and focus on the game. Period. This has clearly added to his character, particularly as a legendary cricketer whose every move makes it to the media. Sachin’s sang froid is both admirable and frightening. How can any super- celebrity remain this controlled, this untouched, this unmoved? Aaha. That’s why he is where he is in the competitive world of a multi-million dollar, high stakes game called cricket. Reticence rocks!

For 25 long years, Sachin has thrilled and mesmerized cricket fans across the world….even when he scores a duck – that is indeed some feat! What has baffled and frustrated critics is Sachin’s ability to walk away – image intact – no matter what the circumstances. Sachin is the original Inscrutable Indian. An enigma to all – fans, team mates, business associates. Everybody. But what nobody can take away from the God of Cricket, is his dedication to the game. Sachin breathes, eats, drinks, thinks, dreams, sweats and lives cricket. It is virtually impossible to separate the man from the game. Sachin IS cricket! He has served the game well. But the game has served him brilliantly, too. Today, Sachin ranks as one of the richest sports stars on Planet Earth. He has worked hard for his considerable wealth. What’s the bet he’ll work equally hard to grow it in the years to come. Sachin’s brain  is as mighty as his brawn. Though,his razor sharp  business acumen is the one trait he doesn’t share with the rest of the Maharashtrian community! Most of us are absolute duds when it comes to money matters.

Sachin’s single, most significant contribution to the game of cricket is a four letter word  -  H.O.P.E.  When the 16- year- old prodigy walked into a packed stadium in Karachi to play his first test match , every kid who had ever held a bat and ball ( be it in Shivaji Park, Azad Maidan or  the gullies of small town India ), started to believe he too could make it as a world class cricketer!  And this feeling coming as it did at a time when desi cricket was in a pretty hopeless state, continues to inspire young, aspiring cricketers so many years later. It was sheer brilliance that dazzled the world back then. And continues to, even today. From a no-hoper, demoralized side, Sachin lifted India’s position almost single handedly to make it a world class team. This is why his debut against Pakistan on 15^th November 1989 remains the single most defining moment in India’s cricket history.Those 15 runs he scored changed his destiny – and ours. A gutsy, curly mopped teenager from Mumbai confidently faced a tough Pakistani team without flinching ….. nothing was ever the same again!

People will be discussing the Sachin Era for decades to come. That is perhaps his greatest legacy. Once there was a Bradman.  Now there is a Sachin.

Long live Cricket. Long live Sachin.