An open letter to Future Wives....

Isn't Princess Grace by far the most beautiful woman ever???? The oil painting on top is not of the lovely lady, but it is very representative of her impeccable, unmatched style...ít hangs like a tribute to Grace, in the lobby of the Hotel de Paris in Monaco

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So, another IPL rolls to a finish.... with a bang?

This season of the IPL will be remembered for several side shows, most of them deliciously sleazy. But the women of India will certainly mark it as the year in which they asked themselves whether or not they qualified as 'Future Wives'. How I love Sid Mallya's phrase. I have been using it constantly, and have spun out three columns on wives , past, present and future...

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Let me end this post on a cricket note. I met Nita Ambani at a private dinner a couple of nights back, days after the Mumbai Indians had lost the match and were out of the Finals.She told me her son tried to cheer her up after the dramatic game. And this is what he said, "Mama.... obviously for one team to win, another team has to lose,na?" It gets better... after Dhoni's spectacular knock, her son wore a T-shirt that said, "I watched Dhoni LIVE!" I guess our kids remain our best teachers. Amen to that

An open letter to all ‘Future Wives’...

Dear Future Wife,

If you know what’s good for you, you shall pay close attention to the sage words of young Siddhartha Mallya and not indulge in behaviour that may adversely impact your chances of being a worthy ‘Future Wife’. This is serious stuff. Look at what happened to an unknown blond from America called Zohal Hamid, when Sid thought she stepped out of line and did not behave like a Future Wife. Not only was her Future Husband beaten up by Luke Pomersbach, a naughty Australian cricketer who had strayed into their plush suite looking for a drink (at dawn), but the rogue dared to follow the Future Wife into the bedroom when all she’d wanted to do was lie down and catch up on some sleep.It gets worse - this brute, clearly not clued in to the ways of Future Wives from India ( awww, okay, of Indian origin), and how they are expected to behave with foreign cricketers who barge into their bedrooms, was bold enough to make a pass at the distraught lady, who was clearly unaccustomed to such behaviour. Hearing the cries for help from his Future Wife, Sahil ( it could also be Sajid) Peerzada, the Future Husband, rushed in to save her honour. Exactly what any protective Future Husband would do under the circumstances. Instead of apologising to both Future Spouses, the rude cricketer punched the boyfriend / fiancé / Future Husband. He punched him so hard, there was blood on the plush carpet and a shattered ear drum that required surgery. Naturally, the Future Wife had to swing into action and do what any loyal Future Wife would – summon the press. Summon the cops. Summon an ambulance. Not necessarily in that order. As an American, she knew her rights, and she wasn’t about to take any of this nonsense lying down. Especially not after Mallya Jr. tweeted about her social behaviour the previous night, right before the frisky cricketer “tagged along’’ to her suite like a puppy following a juicy bone.The telling tweet turned out to be a huge mistake. But the Future Wife had proved her point. You don’t mess with ladies like that and think you can get away with it. Not even if you are The Prince of Good Times. By now, there was a registered police complaint, plus a demand for an immediate apology from Sid Mallya. Or else. Future Wife was not just on the war path, she meant business.

Well, as things stand right now, there has been a great deal of public hand-shaking ( after the hand wringing). And all the aggrieved parties have decided to put this incident behind them. Sid has not exactly apologised but termed his unfortunate comment as being “the product of stressful circumstances.” The Future Wife’s lawyer confirmed a settlement ( minus any financial considerations)has been reached since “all petitioners are young and have a long life ahead of them” Amen.

But, you, dear Future Wife, may not be as lucky with your Future Husband. What if the guy is not as enlightened and progressive as Sahil? What if he really, really minds if a hunky cricketer at a glamourous , boozy party fancies you, and then follows you like Mary’s little lamb, all the way to the bedroom? Worse, what happens if a celeb’s tweet accuses you of conduct unbecoming of a Future Wife? Be honest. It’s a tough call. There ought to be a detailed Handybook for Future Wives in India. How are the poor things supposed to know what to do, how to behave, if rules are not in place? How could any attractive young woman imagine an attractive young cricketer would have the guts to try and kiss her, when her Future Husband was just a few feet away? Marriage is serious business. In the case of Zohal, there are several wonderful men, including a raakhi brother, who are ready to defend her honour. But not all Future Wives are as lucky. The moral of the story is abundantly clear : As a Future Wife, stay away from IPL parties. Make sure nobody follows you. Look over your shoulders at all times, in case there is an Aussie bloke looking for a drink from your mini-bar. If you do decide to take a catnap in the middle of a party, ensure you lock the bedroom door first.And it is always a good idea to have an attorney on speed dial, just in case your Future Husband gets bashed up.