Fun column from Pakistan!

 Must say, what a zabardast party the London ka goras laid out for their Malika, no? So many different, different functions. Almost as good as what Janoo calls "the late, great basant". I tau watched everything from start to finish on Kulchoo's computer. Vaisay I think so the Queen could have smiled a bit more. She looked a bit sarrhial through out. And why wasn't she wearing a crown, haan? Least she could have done. But thanks God, Kate looked nice in that red outfit. But if I'd been her I would have added some ruby jhumkas and carried a nice red Birkin to complete my look. But maybe she didn't because as Mulloo says, Birkin tau itna sakht common ho gya hai. Every wannabe begum has five five six six.

But one thing I was very impress with. Did you see how Queen and her husband, the Duck of Edinburgh, the way they stood all those hours on the royal boat all down the river? Imagine, yaar, she deep into her eighties and he almost hundred years old and standing so long without even holding on to anything? If the Old Bag, Janoo's mother had seen it, she would have said they must have eaten lots of desi ghee as kids. It strengthens your bones, na. I said to Aunty Pussy that you tau must be remembering the Queen's carnation 60 years ago? And she said, "hai, jaan, how could I? I was only five then!" I swear, what a bear faced liar she is! She's even older than Sir Clip Richards.

Vaisay did you see how he was leaping around on the stage at the concert? Like he was twenty or something? And Grace Jones like a pehelwan, I swear! Janoo says she's at least 65. Thanks God she didn't take off her big plastic headdress because I think so if she had, her plastic face would have come off with it also. And did you see the fire works? And the lights ka show? Uff total tabahi! And next day they had this big lunch jiss pay total ordinaries like gardeners from Regent Park and nurses from hospitals were invited to come and sit with khandanis like Kate and Queen vaghera. Imagine!

Why can't we ever have anything fun like that in Pakistan? A big party where everyone's invited and there's raunaq and gaana bajaana? I suppose mullahs will say it's anti Islam to enjoy and Imran will say it's beghairat to party when we're bangrupt and in any case even if we did have it, the Taliban would burst at least three four bums and kill a hundred people and kidnap fifty others, so I suppose achha hi hai that we just sit inside our guarded, walled houses and watch other countries celebrating and enjoying. Sigh.

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Pakistan's Social Butterfly in person is elegant, beautiful, witty and charming! I met her over dinner in Mumbai and was mesmerised! I think her writing style is unique and very original, which is why she is so successful. She gets all the nuances just right. And all those malapropisms are totally brilliant! She drives her point home adopting subterfuge and humour.... that neither the mullahs nor the generals can do a thing about!!

I have been holding my breath for the rains. So far, not even a drizzle. I was asked to write a longish essay on the Mumbai Monsoon for the Air India magazine, and I promptly shot it off, feeling most 'Kalidasa'. God knows whether the magazine will ever see the light of day. I mean, how can there be an Air India magazine if there's no Air India???

Tomorrow, I plan to watch 'Shanghai'. More after the movie has been hungrily devoured along with the Inox popcorn ( best in the world).

As I key this in, I'm waiting impatiently for my 'Ramu Ki Chai'' t-shirts which I spotted online. The design is a take off on Starbucks, and very clever. Marketed through Tribal Routes, I plan to wear mine over the weekend.