Friday, December 21, 2012

RAPE is just a 4 letter word?

And to think I wrote this before the horrific rape in Delhi....

By now we have trained ourselves to shrug and take it in our stride. What choice is there? I am talking about the stepped up violence against women in our major cities. This is happening on a daily basis. Women are getting hammered,assaulted,clobbered,stoned,belted,whipped,chained,smothered,gag-ged,slashed,stabbed, maimed, raped,bludgeoned,burnt,stripped…. how many more descriptions does one need?Why is this happening? At such an exaggerated, accelerated pace? Any answers? Well… here’s a theory. Women were once entirely dispensable. One or two dead, here and there, didn’t matter. Nobody counted. Nobody cared. And we aren’t even talking villages right now. City women were considered useful, upto a point… but also replaceable. Our metros were full of recycled women who were expected to play their bit parts and then melt into the sunset. If, for any reason, that did not happen, and the women rewrote the script, they were disposed off efficiently and quickly .Their disappearance was barely noticed. Which was also understandable given that there were dozens of others ready to take their place. Assembly line women – our big towns were crammed with them. That part hasn’t changed. But one thing definitely has – today’s urban female is fighting back as best as she can, with the one weapon she now possesses – her own money. She is earning well.  But here’s the paradox -  her pay check, which should have protected her, has become the noose around her neck. Men are finding it exceedingly hard to like this person. They like what she brings to the party  ( money!). They like the fact that she pays her own bills ( Oh, yes!). They like not having to subsidise dates ( Amazing!). But they still don’t like her! She makes them feel redundant. Even worse, she makes them resentful. They ask themselves, “ Is the bitch going to take away our jobs? Will the boss fall for her wiles and promote her out of turn? Will she outsmart us yet again at that important conference?”       Unable to deal with this new ‘threat’, they do what any cornered animal does – they snarl and bite!
Am I over dramatizing the situation? Maybe a little. But I have seen naked hostility in the eyes of several men as they observe female colleagues working hard and managing several other areas of their lives without fuss. There is unmistakable envy written all over their faces. Sometimes, that envy refuses to go  away. It begins to eat up the most insecure of those men. They start imagining things… that the woman who has done brilliantly during the sales’ conference, is out to grab what rightfully belongs to them - the men. A feeling of persecution sets in. Every woman is seen as a predatory, aggressive creature. She has to be tamed. She has to be fixed. She has to be taught a lesson. If she fights back, or displays attitude, her ‘punishment’ has to be more severe. If she apologises for her wayward ways and promises to behave herself… then  maybe, they can work on a more acceptable solution to the ‘problem’. The problem being gender.
It is only going to get worse. If that sounds alarmist, so be it. The genie is out of the bottle. The she-elephant is very much in the room. And she isn’t going anywhere. As for those coveted jobs , given the tattered state of most economies, the scramble  to grab whatever is going will get still more aggressive. Shrinking jobs across the globe mean heightened levels of frustration. Everybody is fighting for that single piece of juicy bone. More and more women are managing to reach it first. Men are not at all happy about this development. Their anger and rage find avenues that are frequently volatile enough to lead to random attacks on the first woman who crosses their path. Any excuse will do – her skirt’s too short. Her breasts too large. She’s smiling more than required. She seems HAPPY! That’s the bloody limit. First, she takes away our jobs. Now she invades our space ( what business does she have enjoying a drink at a bar?). At the rate she is going, soon she’ll tell us what to do. Who wants to take orders from a woman? Why can’t she stick to her place? Go back to being obedient and duty bound? If she hasn’t got the message so far, it’s time she was taught a lesson. And that’s pretty much the way it is. Men will protest and say this is utter rubbish. But there is really no other explanation. Men react when their pockets hurt. Right now, their pockets are hurting.
And their heads are exploding with anger. So, what do we do? Reaching their hearts is the obvious answer. Even the most demonic of men have hearts. As always the onus is on women – find a solution. Or perish.


RAJ47 said...

Hope your readers understand the gruesomeness of the act of perpetrators of Sunday Delhi gang rape.
I am not so sure everyone knows how small intestines are damaged in a rape.
I hope they read some anotomy of small intestines.
They end at rectum.
What does "lohe ka sariya" mean?
If one does not know he/she should visit a construction site.
Those bastards should be given the same treatment in the center of Cannaught Place in full public view.
I wish you write another piece on the main case in more details.
Very few people seem to understand why this uproar for this case.

Chitra Parmar said...

And one more time I fall for your bold writing. Thank you so much ..... I am going to share this with loads of people ... I want all the men to read this, they will never agree, accept or react positively to anything a woman ever says but they must know, that we know! Going to Delhi is no more an excitement. Forget Delhi, tomorrow whole of our India will be unsafe for women, and only because men made it so, why should we let that happen, we must fight, we must voice, we must make them realize.

Pooja Rathore said...

you have gone to the core of the problem....what we are seeing are the symptoms and you have eyed the rightly put the onus is on women.its also true nothing much has changed with regard to violence against women inspite of education ,actually the crime against women has increased and its only getting worse(as you have put in your post that its only going to get worser).Defenitely time to sit back and find a solution or perish how wise DE!

Pooja Priyamvada said...

Very well expressed Ms.De,being an educationist i have seen resentment amongst male students in professional courses who believe that girls take up setas that rightfully belong to only boys and then marry and "waste" the education or become a threat for them in the job market.

TaNuja said...

That was a very provocative read. M still in the thoughts of whats going around and I dont know how to react. I'm confused on what should I do! I'm a women. I work. I travel by a scooty and many times it gets late evening.

People have forgotten women is a human being. With same emotions and rights. But most of the times they want us to be a pet dog with a wagging tail.

Behaviour, good thoughts, some good thoughts about the other has nothing to do with education or staying in a urban place. I know village women who work hard like a man and have respect while there are women who are in urban cities but choose to be delicate beauties and have forgotten about their own rights.

Ahhhh.... I just wanna say... Women get up on your feet...tend for yourself! Stand for your rights and be good to yourself.
And then lets see what the other party has to say!


Nyxster said...

Outstanding !

Divya (Virmani) Chadda said...

Very well written article, Mrs. De. But I would still like to see an article from you about the gang-rape.

I just cannot stop thinking about that girl and what she must be going through right now. Reading about her condition in the news only makes me wonder if life at all is in her favor... will she be able to live a normal life? Will the society accept her as is? Personally, I feel death is a better option than living a life like this... I can only pray n hope the best for the girl.

Hang those bastards! Please don't let this news die down because of elections, spread the word as much as you can, as loud as you can.

Vishal Bheeroo said...

Hi Shobha-ji
despite being a man, I fully agree. TIME for us males to realize that women are more competent and make space for them.

Hirdesh Tomar said...

Yes .. i too confess being a men.. I hope this all will change soon in India, as Youth are becoming well educated and well connected through social networking. Hope things change this old mindset of men and patriarchy syndrome.

Anonymous said...

Great article! I have been a lurker on your blog and this is my first comment. On a similar topic please google Melissa Nelson Iowa. A dental assistant she was fired after 10 years on the job for being too sexy. And the Iowa Supreme Court upheld it! The more progress we make, the more backwards we seem to be getting as a civilized society

Anil Kumar said...

China is right when it says that India should be broken into 36 pieces. India is not a country but a JUGAAD.

The henious crime against this 23 yr old girl again exposes why India is a Soft Chuttad state and will remain so for years to come.

1) The politicians facing rape charges are in dozens in Sonia Gandhi's Congress party, in Sushma Swaraj's Bhartiya janta party, Mulayam's SP, and Mayawati's BSP to name a few. Do you think these people will pass the bill for stricter punishment for crime against women - which is pending since 2008.

2) Sheila Dikshit cries on News channels and says she doesnt have police under her control to protect common man. But same Sheila Dikshit's house is protected very well by Delhi Police when people demonstrate in front of her house. Sonia Gandhi / Sardar Manmohan don't address the nation when protests erupt. While BJP starts barking - no matter what.

3) The media which is doing a good job in putting pressure on Govt - Again Arnab Goswami - almost single handedly putting politicians in corner. But their good work is undone by 50 other news channels when they show woman as a commodity every single day 24X7. The woman is made Bajaaru by the way of double meaning dialogue in comedy shows, filthy and provocative movements of woman and cheap language which was used by people in filthy places. Believe me - at least 4 northern states (UP, Bihar, Haryana and Punjab) when they see woman in this bajaaru form - 8 out of 10 people think every woman walking on the road in sexy outfit is for their use. In the absence of poor policing, courts taking 5-10 years for a case - a smart woman needs to understand the reality. Its suicidal if they believe that they can roam around similar to women in west and don't end up with fatal accidents with monsters roaming on road in Delhi.
The sick mentality will not go away since their mother NEVER taught them how to respect woman.

4) Some of our intellectual class suffers from superiority complex. When someone genuinely tries to organize people and tries to fight against government for common cause. These craby intellectuals do everything to find fault in their movement. Because they are not part of this core team and don't get limelight as those people who are part of the movement - they end up targetting these people who actually want to do something good for the country.

Ms Shobha De may not be intellectual in the same class but she has repeatedly portrayed Rahul Gandhi as the future while targetting people who led movements in last one year. This crab mentality which is nothing but mentality of slaves of powerful won't take India anywhere.
Some other notable names are Aruna Roy who wants to be voice of people but sides with Government. These people are nothing but actualy dalal's - directly or indirectly.

90% of people who vote are fools in this country who can be persuaded to vote on the lines of caste, religion, Rs 500 or a pauaa (250ML). When Sardar Manmohan Singh stand with Bush or Obama and feel great that India has democracy similar to USA - It tells the WEAK state of mind of Sardar.

Let's praise China for at least being correct in identifying that this Jugad country should be broken into 36 pieces and then make them full time slaves for another 400 years.

Boya pade(tree) babool ka
fir aam(Mango) kahaan se hoye

So just accept it - This country will stay chuttad(filthy butt) country unless the intellectuals work against common enemy rather than bringing down who are trying something - even if its not 100% correct.

preranas.20 said...
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preranas.20 said...

Very well written.
Even when India is conquering new heights and making its mark in the world still,it is considered as a male dominating world.And most of them men are not able to handle the fact that women are doing better than them and are better off even without their support.
This is one of the core problems behind every heinous crime happening to a woman.
I wonder will there ever be a FREE INDIA with just humans living in it and not males and females?

Unknown said...

This is much to everyones agreement. very well said!
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Andrew said...

While the most heinous crime needs to be condemned in the severest terms and the criminals brought to justice at the earliest opportunity, in my humble view, the so-called protesters are engaged in senseless demonstrations only to hog the media limelight. Given the same set of circumstances, any of the male protesters wouldn't hesitate to repeat the crime. I wonder where Kejriwal and Co. are? How they missed out action this time? Or, are they only against bribery, and not against rape and more such serious crimes? Jai Hind!

Maya Ramaswamy said...
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Maya Ramaswamy said...

dear ms. de..
i just watched the debate on NDTV on Bollywood and its influence on society. You and the gentleman panelist (really bad with names sorry) were the only ones who really understood the power of VISUALS!
What ALL the panelists missed was that it is NOT whether middle class families are accepting/enjoying films which 'commercialize' sex..
but what the illiterate man on the street 'GETS' from them!
What he sees is only fair-skinned upper-economic class girls throwing their bosoms at him and visually 'demanding' sex from him.
WHY can people not understand the power of visuals?? How can they doubt what effect they may have on an unformed mind?
As for Ms. Tagore..(with all due respect for i enjoyed her films)..they should not have called her for this crucial debate.

Here is a copy of a letter I wrote on sunday december 23rd to many women leaders in politics, media and in the corporate world..

"Dear Madam,

We are an extremely backward country.
In this country in most places women join men in killing girl fetuses,
In feeding girl children less nutritous food,
in using entertainment to strongly and incessantly promote the idea that women are objects to be teased or used.
The media, has also been unwaveringly focussed on portraying the VICTIM in almost every case of crime reported in public.
Victims of CRIME are almost always the physically WEAKER sections of society- women, children, and older people.
We must remember we're the ones among all animals that 'learn' fastest and most 'collectively'.
I strongly believe that this 'COLLECTIVE learning' has made the Indian Male understand and take for granted the fact,
that he is unquestionably physically superior not only individually, but also in sheer numbers on the street.

In an illiterate country like this where religious education is non-existent,
Where education from the government/State is sluggish, lacking creativity, boring, or non-existent,
Where cultural education is DYING because of infighting among the various cultures, or because of the mass RUSH into Materialsim,
In such an Intellectual, Moral and Mental Vacuum,
FILMS, that are the MOST powerful visual medium for learning -
FILMS from BOLLYWOOD (or Tollywood/Lollywood/Follywood) are often the SOLE exposure to 'education' that an Indian gets!
Unless BOLLYWOOD and the media change the way they portray women ..we are doomed.

Bollywood is rich
Bollywood can think
Bollywood is creative,
We humans are creatures that learn fast and learn COLLECTIVELY.

In the ABSENCE of any other sort of EDUCATION reaching out to the millions;
BOLLYWOOD has been solely responsible in teaching both males and females in India, that Indian Men are nothing less than Heroes or Gods (however slovenly their attire), and that Indian women are nothing but extremely pretty-faced (always 'fairskinned') Foot-Rugs whose ONLY job is to please these Males who may be from any STRATA of the society.
We are a country which practies female Foeticide.
From the WOMB upwards, a girl is not SAFE in this country.
Everyday, everywhere, we are victims of invasive ogling, groping, intrusions into our personal space, eveteasing by gangs of men, rape and harassment.
Please LADY censors, actors, members of parliament and policy makers,
CHANGE the way Bollywood and the MEDIA portray Women!"

I'm just sharing this because I'm a huge fan of who you are.


M Ramaswamy

Anil Kumar said...

Mr Ramswamy - Thats the prime reason of increase in crime against woman 100 times.

Unknown said...

What about women in power like sheila dixit etc...they dont seem perturbed at all.

Anonymous said...
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Seema Lekhwani said...
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Seema Lekhwani said...

This post confirms to the fact that threat to men with women’s progress in various fields is a reason for increased rape incidence, though rapes have always occurred irrespective of time period and place in past in any country’s history whenever men have found her in docile condition. Does that mean that all males are probable rapists? What about same powerful progressive women trying to seduce their bosses to gain promotions, and when their ends not met, blaming false rape charges? The recent incident is no doubt condemnable, but incomparable with the example given in your post which fails to deal with psychology of less literate, sex deprived, village immigrants who come to metros for employment…Solutions should be specific dealing with such incidences happening with female students and women, and not just discussing rape in vague sensational manner. Will it not be wise to accept their physical weakness in comparison to men and understanding their primitive sexual attitude, and dealing with it accordingly to avoid such nasty incidents. Instead of foolishly stressing on false liberty, safety should always be a priority!

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Anonymous said...

Amazing Article

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