Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Jago Mumbai, Jago!

Who says, “It’s not cricket…?”

I just love the wicked humour of the mysterious IPL blogger who has the cricket world in an absolute tizzy with his daily behind-the-scenes exposes. Happily self-identified as a ‘fake’, he\she has been spilling all the dirty goings-on behind this dud of an event. It just goes to show nobody and nothing remains a secret in these days of true free expression on the net. Avid followers of the blog insist it is more than an inside job. There are insinuations that it is a sly trick and a clever ploy designed to drive more eyeballs, plus generate garma garam controversy for this thanda tamasha. But reading the posts one definitely gets the idea it is the work of cricket’s very own Deep Throat – a mole with complete access to the players’ off-camera lives, locker room gossip and more. Frankly, the blog is far more entertaining than the action in Durban, and whosoever this spy is, I hope the posts continue throughout the duration of the IPL season. In fact, this person’s account deserves to be instantly published as a book, or at least ,widely syndicated via the print media. But that will never happen. Fat cat advertisers won’t have any of it. With so much money riding on the matches, it is imperative that viewers stay hooked and believe the sanitized version of the proceedings that are routinely fed to fans. Utter rubbish Someone smart and gutsy out there should cash in on the blog’s tremendous popularity and publish it on a daily basis. There is nothing like spice and masala to get the adrenalin going. Cricketers are our biggest stars. Why should they be treated with kid gloves? If movie people surrender all rights to privacy once they get into Bollywood, cricketers too, should accept a fishbowl existence as a part and parcel of their job description. A lively, chatty, sharp and pointed behind-the-scenes column is exactly what is needed to put some dum back into the game. As the ‘fakeiplplayer’ writes , even the tv channel guys are forced to follow the producers’ instructions and only show sections of the stadium which are peopled, while dramatizing the ‘high excitement’ levels on the ground when in reality, that is far from the truth. The attendance has not been all that great, crowds are thin and unenthusiastic. These are familiar tricks of the trade, but gullible viewers are rarely in the know and trustingly gobble up all the contrived images and gushing gup- shup. Most cricket columns are hellishly technical, analytical and boring. You want to scream , “ Relax guys… it’s only a game.”
The Beckhams (Victoria, in particular) smartened up to the commercial potential of living their lives in the public glare, a long time ago. It is entirely because of the way Victoria went about their joint positioning, that Beckham became one of the most recognized human beings alive. That he also forgot he was an ace footballer is the downside of the money-and-fame game. But the Beckhams are still at it – in the process they have become seriously rich and even if David decides to retire tomorrow morning, they know they are made for life and so are their kids. Our ‘Boys’ are a long, long way off from that kind of popularity, but will get there shortly. Sachin’s wax work is the first big step in that direction. If anybody has emerged as the superhero of this IPL, it is Saint Sachin. The anonymous blogger has spared him so far and Sachin’s halo remains untarnished. I hope the naughty blogger’s cover is not blown any time soon. There are enough irate and embarrassed top dogs he has successfully exposed. For non-initiates, it may be a little difficult to decode the various pseudonyms the blogger has created ( Dildo??? Any guesses?). But the pungent writing is enough to keep one panting for more, regardless. Is SRK spending sleepless nights now that so many of his KKR secrets and strategies have been spilled? Has Ganguly hired a hitman to identify and eliminate his tormentor?? Forget the cheerleaders and the ‘new but far-from-improved’skinny Mandira Bedi who has lost a vast fan following along with those kilos and noodle straps. The real action is on this blog - ball by ball, as it were!

I just read the astonishingly candid account of Neera Chopra ( mother of the newly-crowned Miss India-World, Pooja Chopra), in Times- Life and it brought tears to my eyes. What a courageous, proud lady - what an inspiration to women across the board. Neera survived an abusive, nasty marriage to a man who rejected her for not producing a son! She walked out, head held high, with two little baby girls (Pooja was just 20 days old!), no money but enough self- respect to start life afresh. She worked hard and managed to provide two glasses of milk, which she’d leave next to the children, sleeping in a locked room. It is an inspiring and uplifting account of a woman who took on fate, undaunted by adversity and abject hardship. When Pooja needed her first pair of high heels for her modeling career, she chose to earn that money herself via small jobs rather than tax her over burdened mother. And look where both are today - Pooja is rightfully on top of the world. Along with her glowing-with-pride mom. Bravo.
This must be my lucky day... I received not one, not two... but three wonderful invitations to Lit Fests ranging from Kovalam in October, Singapore in June and South Africa in September. The last one promises to be a whole lot more interesting than the IPL, with book readings and interactive sessions at universities across the country. The theme is lyrical, " Words on Water," and there will be several opportunities to meet South African authors. This is terrific, because a writer's life is essentially a lonely one. Unlike other creative fields, a writer 's job does not require 'company' - anything but! It is not collaborative, and there is no group activity to look forward to at the end of a long day of slog. Sometimes I think it is because of its isolationist nature that writers are preferred loners. Their companion is often a bottle. Thank God I have my family to keep me sane\entertained\grounded. But I often wonder whether my writing would have been radically different had I sipped wine all day and let the muse consume me. I'm sure it would!! One of these days I am going to give it a shot - get smashed and write. Maybe I should debut that particular piece in this very space?? Till then , you'll have to endure my cold sober outpourings. Dry Mumbai is an unrecognisable Mumbai - tomorrow we vote! Let's see the turnout. I am very optimistic and expect record numbers. If that happens, Mukul in South Mumbai may not be as khush as Mogambo. And Hasmukh will be proved right! Jago Mumbai, Jago. Vote karo, bhai, vote karo...!


*Aham* said...

hahhah! I dont follow IPL.. and i am not interested in watching Babli (preity) screaming... DILDO is shahrukh khan...

( )

here is something that i found here
Big Sister - Shilpa Shetty
BubLee – Bret Lee
Kishen Kanhaiyya - Ravi Shastri Sandy Baddy Babe - Mandira Bedi Lord Almighty - Ganguly
Sheikh of Tweak - Shane Warne Bevdaa - Jessie Ryder
Calypso King - Chris Gayle
Mr. Batlivala - Vijay Mallya
Prince Charles of Patiala - Yuvraj Singh Little Monster - Sachin Pedophile Priest - Gilkhrist Little John - Ishant Sharma
Kaan Moolo - Agarkar
Appam Chutiya - Sreesanth (hahahha)
Meera Bhai - Harbhajan Singh

Whoever is writing... should be given a e-booker award...



neera chopra is a brave woman... all my love with her. may her daughter win the World. And may she tell the world that she is because of neera... atleast this time, her statement wouldnt be actually cliché.

cmpershad said...

Hats off to the breed of mothers like neera chopra...

Anonymous said...

pedophile priest is Mathew Hayden and not Hayden is also a priest by occupation

kala said...

Neera Chopra is lucky that her efforts paid off. But there are many Neeras in India who are still struggling. The love between the mother and daughters is really beautiful and hope the future brings more happiness to this family. What is the reaction of their cruel father? Hope he will not throw mud on his wife to cover his cowardly acts.

Anil Kumar said...

It's PLEASING to see the back of at least one BOLLYWOOD clown who thought he knows more about cricket than the people who have played game for the country.

The lesson for Sharrukh is simple.

No matter how BIG the testicles get, they always stay and hang below the male organ. The BOLLYWOOD BALLS have no chance against the BAT OF CRICKET legends.

The bengali team (KKR) was doomed for disaster from the start by creating the rift among players with 4 captains theory and dumping bengali babu on reaching South African shores.

The NDTV showed it's TRUE colours when they hooked up with Dildo Khan of KKR for IPL bytes. Vikram Chandra of NDTV should change his name to the name given to Sreesanth by fake IPL player.

The FAKE IPL blogger has done a WONDERFUL job. I loved his take on Krishan kanhaiya, Kaan Moola and bhookha naan. I hope the other two bollywood bitches BIG SISTER and Bublee Zinta also known as "crushed by BretLee" don't show their UGLY face on cricket ground and stay awayt from it.

The bet by commentators by pooling 200 pounds for GUTTER GIRL Mandira Bedi is the REAL TRUTH OF today's TV anchors.


Maa ki laadli bigad gayi hai aur GUTTER mein chali gayi hai.

I think Fake IPL blogger deserves more money for his street smart and gifted abilities of writing than the most expensive IPL player.

The only time I differ from him is his annoyance with Srisanth (Appam). I think he was little too harsh on him and should have shown some respect.

The rest of the stuff was hilarious and deserves padamshree on innovative journalism/writing...even if it's fake.

Riaz-NJ said...

Govt of India/Postal Dept should publish Neera Chopra's Stamp to recognize and remind that how RESILIENT humanity is!!! WOW...

Sameer said...

I do not follow cricket or for that matter any sports, so no comments on IPL thingie.

Hats off to Neera Chopra. In Fact, when I read it couple of days back in times I thought of letting u know about this maa-beti jodi. It's true that in India there are lots of such struggling families and what such stories do is they give power to all those struggling families there to not give up and keep your spirits high. I know, I was always inspired by such real life stories when I was completing Engineering and battling the economic issues. It's hard life but it pays off in the end. Good, you wrote about Neeraji and Puja.

muthu said...

Hats off to neera chopra...

Women like her are the need of the hour...

And writing is of course a lone job..

but only when you are alone, your mind really thinks...

and am always waiting 4 your drunken philosophies....


Anonymous said...

As a leading social commentator on India, I tought you might like to read this.

kaprasanna said...

Mandira is far from skinny...
Bring on an article after smashing a wine....

Sunil Doshi said...

I would like to know more about the lit fest that you have attended and will attend many more in the near future. Could you please share your impressions about the lit fest that you have attended so far?

I believe publishing and literature are going to be the engine/driver of the future for arousing much larger cultural interest in India by the Westerners!

Sunil Doshi

readersdais said...

Welcome to KOVALAM- to the land named Gods Own Country-Kerala,Angels are always welcome.... ,

Amit T said...

Wow, I finally can connect with the Shobhaa De. Thank you for blogging, maam.

SSQuo said...

Ah the boy! the ever desirable boy.

How many words, or screams will it take to make the man realize that HE is the one who created a girl??? And still we have to try, day after day until it sinks into that thing they call a head.

Sidhusaaheb said...

While it is true that the Fake-IPL-Blogger's writings have not appeared in print so far, it is equally true that a large proportion of those who are aware of the blog's existence came to know about it through the print media.

As for Sachin, he seems to be losing a lot of endorsement contracts to younger players, of late.

Velu said...

What struck me on the fake IPL players is the great hidden hatred in people for somebody famous.

People don't think twice about abusing SRk or any big name in the vilest language. Yet they always do this anonymously.

These are weak people who can never rise above their stations in life and are never going to be happy seeing other do it either.


rajat said...

I think you are missing the point. SRK got what he asked for.

It's the ME FIRST attitude and DESPERATION to be in front of camera which brought him back to earth.

You just read SRK's last blog entry ON KKR website.

On one hand he says that KKR is hit hard and it's ok and no worries. And in his own words he also expects his team to fight back from this position.

On the other hand the moment he left South Africa he was talking about not going back there until they start winning.

Why this HU-LA-LA-LA at the beginning and the abrupt departure later on???

Why can't he sit back like the REAL WEALTHY people do (Ambani's or GMR) who own a team and take it as a business and sport. Let it be run by those who are expert in it.

Bhai agar itane paise kharachte ho...itna dimaag lagaatey ho...4 captains theory ko koi question kare tto apane paise ki dhauns jamaate ho...jab itna sub kuchh karte ho tto fir beech tournament mein apani team ko chhod kar kyon bhaag jaate ho???

Agar bandar naach karke cricket match jeetey jaate then KKR would have won IPL-2.

But he can take some sense of relief that it's not real cricket if indeed he is a passionate cricket fan. Hope he stays away from showing his face and will probably get some respect.

NAT said...


You hit the nail on the head. I agree with you in toto.
I do not fancy any Stars. I am no Fan, but do not encourage people who abuse another for working for their way up in life.
It is true that only failures excel in this sort of bashing, especially anonymously. They are cowards, and have a hidden agenda.
Man it is called Jealousy.


Anil Kumar said...
This comment has been removed by the author. said...

Sachmuch Jagne Ki Jarurat Hai Sabhi Ko

Sankt Ingen said...

Its nice to stumble upon Shobha De's blog and a little flattering to notice the blog template (for I too liked the template)

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