Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Why we love Sachin's wife....

Anjali Tendulkar is like an unblemished English rose. Everybody loves her. She is India’s favourite Bhabi. I have yet to meet a single person who has an adverse comment to make about Sachin’s wife . She is pleasant looking, ever smiling, discreet and admirably low key. She has spoken just once during their long marriage, and that was recently, after Tendulkar was anointed Saint Sachin (after the record breaking 175 runs in Hyderabad). Till that point, one would catch glimpses of her driving their kids to school or picking up Sachin at the airport. Not one for partying, Anjali managed to stay out of Mumbai’s hectic social scene, without offending anybody.At a time when celeb couples are busy cashing in on their colossal brand value and shooting together for multi- crore commercials ( Ajay Devgun-Kaajol, Saif-Kareena, Bipasha Basu-John Abraham ), can you imagine what the Tendulkars could have raked in had they endorsed some product together?? It may happen in future, but it is a wonder it hasn’t in the past.
Anjali definitely falls into the ‘neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride’ category, even if that format of the idealized desi bahu no longer works for a large number of urban Indian families. Somewhere , at the backs of our minds, we still secretely admire an Anjali for all the qualities that are fast disappearing in our cities. Anjali gave up a career ( she’s a qualified doctor) to raise a family ( two kids). She chose to become a full time homemaker when her generation of educated women the world over were forging ahead aggressively and shattering glass ceilings at the work place. She stayed out of the limelight when other wives ( Posh Beckham there, Sangeeta Bijlani here) of star sportsmen were busy flaunting their privileged status . She has always dressed in sensible, even dowdy garments as opposed to super glam couture clothes. She has resisted walking the ramp for any high profile charity, though she quietly supports quite a few. She, more than any other celeb spouse has lived the role of a modern day pativrata – silent, loyal, caring. The Perfect Wife, who has understood her position in marriage (secondary) and placed her own personal priorities on a back burner. No ego. No conflict.
All hail Anjali.
Even Michelle Obama with all her high ratings ( she consistently scores over her husband in the popularity stakes), is known to hog the show on occasion and play up to the media while pushing her image as a clotheshorse and fashion icon. Being the intelligent, educated, smart wife of the ‘most powerful man on earth’, is a tough call for any woman. Similarly, for Anjali, being the wife of one of the biggest sports icons in the world, is an equally daunting job – what with more than a billion people tracking each move and word. So far, Anjali has not missed a single step. Being Sachin’s wife can’t be easy. For most of their married life, the cricketer has been missing in action. No matter how wonderful a dad\husband he may be, the fact is, he can’t be around like a regular family man who holds down a 9x5 job. Anjali has never cribbed… at least, not in public. Her devotion to the man is apparent enough, when she says she doesn’t eat a single morsel when her husband is batting. Ooooffff! That adds up to a lot of uneaten morsels given his performance over twenty years. She has raised the children with an equally unfussy, uncomplicated attitude. Unlike several brat kids of famous parents, Tendulkar’s two are model bachchas who have obviously been brought up to be seen ( if at all), but not heard. The little fellow plays cricket, the little girl watches cricket, the mom lives cricket, while the dad breathes cricket.
Parivaar ho to Aisa. Biwi ho to aisi. Sachin’s one hell of a blessed guy. He , more than any other icon – from Bollywood stars, sports personalities, politicians, seems to have it all. And a lot of that ‘all’ rests in Anjali – no wonder she is swiftly gathering a fan following of her own. If her fan club needs a president – main hoon , na??
Leaving in a few hours for a longish trip Down Under. Have been writing... and writing.... and writing. Will blog when able. Sure will miss this space and all your lively comments. Bu to quote my favourite hero, Napoleon, " I shall be back!" Cheers, mates. Wish me safe travels!


Nandini Rao said...


Giving up a career to focus on family is such a medieval thought, & it is only perfectly fabricated as the bold thing to do in these times!
I know of women, including my Mom who can juggle work & home with ease & the kids turn out to be better than fine, if not the best!

The important thing is, many women don't even get the moral & familial support to drop their kids off some place where they could be taken care of, while mummys rush to earn a living,...after having got up at 3 or 4 in the morning to prepare mid-day meals for the entire family...

It's a heartbreak situation every day when you don't know whether your child has eaten or not, or whether the concerned authorities are in fact taking good care of the child.


Sameera said...

I dont think this is something you would want to uphold as a model or example. Back in 1980s Women had started working and taking care of home and family. Men too did their share of helping women out incase the extended family is missing from action. And Women fought a long war to reach where we have and men helped their bit too. In such times when we should be looking forward to setting an example of a woman who is able to manage home & work efficiently, your show casing of Anjali as the perfect wife isnt a great sight. Afterall you, yourself are one who is juggling both to perfection, if I am not wrong!

Anjali's choice was her own and stamping that as the best or perfect thing publicly isnt acceptable

mikimbizii said...

Your sarcasm is so deliciously ruthless, so incredibly obscure that I'm sure it went over the head of most people.

Just the perfect sudden-slap-with-a-dripping-wet-towel feel. God, you really loath humans don't you?

Keep hitting more such nails right on the head with your merciless hammer.

~ from a devout admirer

Unknown said...

First of all wishes for your new book.
Read some part of it in the TOI.
I will be the first one to buy it.
About Anjali Bhabhi, I must say that this is what she has chosen.
Its all about the upbringing and her very calm attitude and obviously experience greater than the master blaster himself i life.
Kudos for her and you too.
Happy journey mam..


smooth n rippled.... said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pissed with politics!! said... check it out!!!

Unknown said...

It is amusing to see some of your posts where you pretend to be liberal or (god forbid) feminist, when it is so obvious that you are the stereotypical regressive, backward Indian woman that the World Bank and the UN are so worried about.
Someone else commented that you were probably being sarcastic; sadly after reading the crude sadomachoistic pornography that you try to pass off as literature, I have to conclude that you are indeed pathetic and chauvinistic enough to actually preach such rubbish to a society that is already one of the most male-dominated patriarchies in the world.
I recently read an article that mocked your trashy pulp fiction in a fabulous way. I quote “Please tell me she dare not call herself a feminist," seethes Ritu Dewan” and I agree. Sweetheart, stick to commenting on Shilpa Shetty’s choice of clothes, that’s all a primitive intellect like yours is fit for. And before you ask what ever happened to good taste? You might want to take a look at some of the sickening bile you’ve written. Surviving Men, which I made a mistake of reading still haunts me. Or is it female feticide you rant about? The cause is warped ideas of gender imbalance, subjugation and violence like those propagated in ‘Surviving Men’. It’s because of societal and media influences like YOURS that this country has the world’s second highest rate of violence against women. Jai Hind.
Thank god I left this god-forsaken country years ago, every time I have to visit I grow thankful for the freedom I get so far away from here to lead the life I want and to be married to a cultured, sophisticated man who respects me and considers me his equal.

pissed with politics!! said... see this

Unknown said...

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Mukesh Bhatia said...

Oh yeah Shobha... Its what everyone needs at the back of his mind, a wife like Anjali. Its her choice to give up her career & nobody should be annoyed about it. The picture looks quite glary & happy for tendular family, whats within, we cant say.
I liked one quote of yours here, that Anjali wears a sensible clothes baring that hot couture. So a person of your status in the fashion industry too realise that the so called couture is insensible.
Wish you very pleasant journey & very cool Aussie holidays!!!

PassionFruit Martini said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PassionFruit Martini said...

I’ve been looking through this blog and your constant contradictions make me laugh. I’ve never met someone so confused, hypocritical and pseudo-liberal before. Don’t try so hard, no one remotely smart is going to mistake you for an intellectual anyway
First you talk about the Czechoslovakian man who massaged his bride’s feet and rage against the false ego that most Indian men are cursed with. Then, you butter and strengthen that very ego by promoting a spinelessly devoted Anjali as the ideal wife and woman.
You criticize Roberts for suggesting that we befriend Pakistan and then decide that there is some perspective that will help you ‘decode’ the brutality behind the racist attacks.
You praise Michelle O’s ‘sexy’ outfit and then put Anjali on a pedestal for not dressing in ‘insensible couture’
And you even have the incredible idiocy to talk about women’s empowerment ( words that you obviously do not know the meaning of) in a post where you foolishly, backwardly stereotype women as nurturing and helpless
Hopefully someday you will make up your mind and give us some intelligent prose instead of your usual laughably naïve, ridiculously backward and completely contradictory rubbish. Until then, your blog provides ample fodder for my amusement.
Not that I expect you to keep my comments on for very long. The only way a blog this poor could have so few negative comments is if you routinely remove them. Oh, well. Just had to vent anyway

P.S: and after all of your books and blogs you actually have the audacity to reprimand Jai Hind college for their sexism/ political incorrectness? REALLY? What about all of your politically incorrect sexist spiel? Time for a little bit of introspection, me thinks

Pooja Rathore said...

I like Anjali Tendulkar , about giving up career well i feel she made the right choice medical profession is very time consuming and you have to put in a lot either you do it well or dont do it at all . well its her choice .I remember sudha murthy (Infosys head Narayana murthy's wife )very bright student and no less than her husband and her husband had given a choice that its either her or him who will run the company she choose family because she would not have been able to do justice to family.Woman have to make more sacrifices compared to men but no one is forcing Family or career choice is yours.But some women are lucky like you whos principle of life is based on Family yet have good career , great life and succesful in all areas of life be it personal or professional I would like to be like you.
Happy and safe journey.

Meera's World said...

Somehow i dont find any greatness in what Anjali did/doing for her family.Infact if she worked and also took care of her family like many many other women does,it would have been nice.

ramprasad said...

hi de

u were at ur best on sachin's wife.
Of course u shall b the President of the Fan club the name u can suggest after ur return from ur trip

bon voy


Unknown said...

Maybe she doesn't wear glam outfits cuz she is fat.

What is this about praising women who give up their career and self to bring up kids? My mom has done both - have a fabulous corporate career and brought me up single handedly, fighting society and everything else. Don't new age women like her deserve real praise?

Anjali Tendulkar can sit on her fat ass all day/year skipping morsels (!) across the TV, cuz her husband brings in crores, and she really needn't work the harried life of a medico ("being on call" - o dear!!) because THAT would take real courage and would truly deserve my applause.

Sachin is the real hero here, not his wife, please! Ms. Shobhaa, what is with your caveman attitude to women sometimes? How is Anjali T. a role model for anything? YOU should know better. I would shudder if my daughter would want to be like her (no self identity, no career, just a mute supporter of a successful spouse, a baby machine, voiceless, no financial independence)! To quote you, "Shudder Shudder"!!!

चंद्रमौलेश्वर प्रसाद said...

Behind every successful man stands a woman behind :) saying WELL PLAYED[PAID] :)

Madhu said...

Ms. De I have to disagree with you here. While I am all praises for Anjali for her composure, I cannot think of giving any more thought than that in that aspect. It’s all about what a woman wants. Be it Anjali or any one else.

Firstly, Anjali's husband is rich and they can manage well without the second paycheck (not many of us have such a choice). Secondly, "she" chose not to work. It’s her prerogative and if that's what she wants and that's what makes her happy, then so be it. But that doesn't mean that everyone else whose husbands are rich should take her example and quit doing what 'they' really 'want' to do.

Let’s take you for example (pardon me for getting personal, but no offense meant). By any means is your family not perfect (according to you)? You are rich why don't you leave your profession and stand by your husband like a "good wife" (your words)? You are in your profession because you 'love' your profession. Anjali is fine without ever working. Also she has not even practiced medicine even though she is qualified. So, one cannot say that she 'left' a career. Now, can you compare Anjali with you or anyone else then? No.

To think that one should leave what they like to do and shadow husband's career is like saying lets go back to the cave-days. Bottom line, by no means she is a yard stick for other woman (like me) who chose to work (out of need or out of passion).

PassionFruit Martini said...

According to the United Nations survey 66% of married Indian women were the victims of domestic violence, which is one of the highest rates of abuse anywhere in the world. That's 2/3rds of the female population. 70% of married woman in India are victims of marital rape, again one of the highest in the world. When most women in India silently suffer physical and sexual abuse you think Anjali's sacrifices are something special and the good ‘desi bahu’ is dying out?? Are you blind, mad or simply retarded?
Maybe in your next post you could praise women who've stayed in their marriages despite persistently being raped and beaten, after all a good Indian wife realizes that her place in the marriage is 'secondary’ right?
Why stop there Mrs De? Given your uneducated, oppressive attitude towards women a post praising dowry and child marriage is due soon
Or maybe this could be the subject of your new book: The Great Indian woman: Killed at birth, sold at marriage, burnt to dowry death ( and we STILL have some of the lowest divorce rates in the world but now they dare rebel and try to act like they have rights and careers?)
God knows this countries has invented enough practices of torturing and subjugating women to give you ample fodder for writing an entire book (or two hundred)

PassionFruit Martini said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

This article is disgusting - It is embarassing that a woman (you) I consider to be a symbol of Indian female empowerment would think and write so damn backwardly and regressively.

Does this mean that you also love and adore all our silent filmi folk wives, who have supported their husbands, possess no career or personality of themselves, choose careers like "jewellery designer", "table designer" and what not -

Shobhaa, are you getting senile? Even my grandmother was more empowered and a way better role model than this Ms. Tendulkar - who is nothing but a symbol of female repression.

Go support the real women who slog it out, not the ones that get everything on a platter and do nothing to make their own mark.

Stop glorifying this stereotypical desi housewife type - This is a breed that needs to die as soon as possible to make way for the new age Indian woman -who can do both - be successful at home, support her husbands career, raise a family and have a rocking career of her own. Yes - its tough - but there are women who do it, my mom is one such woman - and they deserve the flowery words, not these rich wives who have no identity and hide behind their husbands success.

Better explain/correct yourself, Ms. Shobhaa De - or you will be losing a big fan in me and in many other women (and some good men) for sure.

Jyostna said...

I haven't watched her interview... but your words say how sweet she is as a person.
Its not easy for women to give up their career being in such a famous clad as its quite easy to gain fame n name for every single move of theirs. In spite of all those persuasions, holding a low profile is sure to be admired.
You have a wonderful Trip Ms. De.

Jyostna said...

Well, I saw few comments which said talk about the real people.
I think a women handling home n work is not a big deal these days for sure but being a celeb's wife n given the stature it sure is a tough job to just stay away from all the external influences.

PassionFruit Martini said...
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PassionFruit Martini said...

yes of course Mukesh, its what everyone needs: OFCOURSE every man needs a woman who will give up her life and career to be devoted to him right? Ever thought about what a woman needs? or are woman not allowed to have needs in your boorish, backward, uncivilized world?
If it is her choice and if no one should be annoyed about it then no one should be praising it and holding it up as a role model either

Please, we live in the twenty first century not the first century. Almost everywhere in the world (except India where good housewives are still the norm) women are expceted to have careers, lives, rights and opinions.

For example, Kate Middleton in the UK was widely criticized for not being serious about her career. But that's the first wolrd. India's is a patriarchal third world country

45% of Indian women under 25 were married before they were 18 and millions of female fetuses are aborted every year all across the country, so obvious feminism and evolved ideas like equality are a LONG way off here. This country NEEDS women empowerment, stop praising spineless women, wake up smell the coffee and evolve, just a little bit, this is the 21st century

PassionFruit Martini said...

CMpershad you chauvinistic moron: it's "behind every great man is a great woman" not your grammatically incorrect gibberish and certainly not “behind every great man is a spineless self sacrificing idiot”.

In any case, you morons need to move into the twenty first century, it’s sad that you are still clinging to chauvinistic western clichés that the west has discarded several decades ago for the inequality and political incorrectness in them

In case you want me to dumb it down for you: that 'saying' was used in the west many, many years ago. Now it’s considered outdated, un-evolved and chauvinistic by the world at large

Madhu said...

Arrey Noor....leave it yaar, why are you taking so much tension? To tell you in Indian slang....

I am reminded of one of my favorite movies, 13 going on 30. In that Julia Roberts creates a magazine ad based on the real life characters whom you an me can associate with. People like our sisters, our class mates etc whom we can relate to. That's where the real inspiration is!
Who is Ms. Anjali to us? Who and what do Kareena Kapoor or Kajol to us? Literally no one! Then there is no point in glorifying them.

Ms. De cannot relate to us. When I say us, I mean people who are not super rich or super famous. Don't stress, just take it all as it comes.
And coming to things like "wife's honor is in the shadow of husband" and likewise talk, I choose not to waste my time even in commenting about them.

Ketaki... said...

Dear De,
After reading your blog and after reading the comments on it I have again realized how something written can be perceived in different ways. When I read the post, I didn’t found it to be demeaning in any way. I never thought you meant that a woman being submissive is an ideal woman. What I learnt was it is possible to be rich and famous and yet live a simple life. To live like an insignificant person when you can actually be one of those page 3 people. In today’s time when people are so hungry for popularity and publicity that they would enroll themselves in all kinds of television shows, how many people have an opportunity to be famous or a “celebrity” and they yet throw it away to live a normal life? I would say very few. And that for me is praiseworthy.
For the people who have commented, I want to know since when has prioritizing family over career become spineless? How many of us have mothers who could have worked but didn’t to take care of us? I guess more than 85% do. I don’t think it is any less praise worthy than having a career. In fact the people who are saying that raising a family is not a big deal are undermining the efforts of millions of housewives in India who manage the house and raise a decent family. I do not respect my mother less just because she gave up her job to raise me and my siblings.
I am a working woman myself if not a mother and I would most probably be working when I have children too, but I will never look down upon my fellow sisters who chose stay home instead.
Celebrating Anjali Tendulkar and Sudha Murthy is celebrating all the mothers and housewives in India and for that reason I would join the fan club Ms. De.

Trisha said...

To Noor,

These people belong in CAVES, not in the modern world. It is like being married is the be all and end all of a woman.

This disgusts young, single and ambitious women like myself. There is no point trying to change these age old attitudes which have stemmed from centuries of male dominance.

Shobhaa De certainly doesn't relate with the average Indian working class woman - she has never had to work in order to support her many kids, she caught hold of a rich sugar daddy and now does whatever she pleases.

Shobhaa's article is a slap in the face of the modern, Indian working woman - who ALSO, mind you takes care of her husband and kids. She is off flying to Australia or wherever on a regular basis, what does she know about the strong, hardworking Bharati Mahila?

Like you said - WHAT is so great about keeping a low profile? Is that what makes a woman great? being silent?

Why not cover her in a burqa, curtail her freedom of speech and complete the entire picture Ms. De? I'm sure praising the Taliban's treatment of women is going to be the next topic of your blog.

In the west, women have opportunities like nowhere in the eastern world - like it or not. Having lived in both places, I can tell you that a woman has rights, privileges and support to easily live a single, secure and independent life, if she pleases - How many can claim that this is easily possible in India?

Confused people like Ms. De will make sure that women in India remained suppressed within marriage forever.

I am not demeaning non-working , stay at home mothers - I am just saying that that is by no means the IDEAL, that is by no means what our daughters should strive for. If you think a woman's place is in the home and the kitchen, then we have a long,long way to go. Has feminism achieved nothing with you people? Is women's lib dead?

My mom raised me alone, had a demanding job, and today I am successful by every stretch of imagination - getting my Ph.D while in my late twenties. She serves as a great example to me, that a woman's identity and self worth are very important and are not to be determined by men only.

Ms. De - Why dont you follow Anjali Tendulkar into oblivion and keep a low profile if you think that is so remarkable and right? At least the world wont be subject to this regressive anti-female bullshit.

I am so harrowed by all these people supporting this post - it makes me want to personally strangle every one of them and shake them to their senses and bring them back to 2010.

Jai Hind! Jai to the all working Bharatyi Naris!

Madhu said...

Ketaki, In response to your question, "I want to know since when has prioritizing family over career become spineless? How many of us have mothers who could have worked but didn’t to take care of us?"

My response: There is nothing wrong in "wanting" to quit your job because you want to take care of the family. The key word being what do "you" "want". If Anjali chose to remain at home, it is her prerogative. If she chooses to remain low-key, again, it is her wish. But that does not mean that everyone else who is out there doing couple commercials etc (as quoted by Ms. De) are any less dignified. Its all about choices.

Bottom line, respect each and every individual for the choices they make (exactly like you said...a working mom is as much respected as a home-maker). Don't criticize them just because they socialize and put them on a pedestal when they don't. This, by no means is a "sukhi parivar".

Ketaki... said...

Hey Madhu,

I completely get your point and I even agree with it. At the end of the day its everyone's prerogative. Either Anjali stays home or works, we should neither glorify her or criticize her for that choice. I am not endorsing that either, what appeals to me is the abstinence.
We the common people have always loved simplicity. Because that's what we relate to. And I would want to praise a person who doesnt lose her head over all the hype and stick to her roots.

If you are telling me that it is a person's choice that she can splurge or party or appear in gossip magazines every now and then, be on the cover of vogue with minimal clothes and make it a point to accompany her husband on his international tours, hang out at page 3 parties and get wasted with all the wine I get that. I completely do, its her choice. But if you tell me that I should not praise someone who can do all this but doesn't just because its her choice, I am sorry I would definitely be biased on that one.

Unknown said...

I do NOT get this Taliban-esque attitude against women enjoying life.

So let's get this striaght: the woman sacrifices her career and slogs for Sachin and even then, chooses not to enjoy the benefits of having a celeb hub.

And that is a GOOD THING? Why?

Why is a woman denying herself a little enjoyment after so much sacrifice good? Why is it good if she doesn't drink wine (by the way you do NOT have to get drunk, you can just drink scoially)? Why is good if she doesnt accompany her husband, is her place only in the kitchen and bedroom? Why is good if she wears dowdy clothes?

Is the fact that she is woman reason enough to deny her all pleasure, rights and identity? Isn't she a human being as well?

As an Indian man living in America, Im shocked and ashamed at the attitude my fellow countrymen back home have. Growing up in an egalitarian, equal and devoloped society where I've been thought that REAL men respect women, this really makes me mad

If you actually find it pleasurable/ admirable that this woman lives such a drab, self sacrificing existence, I find that very disturbing. Maybe you are sadistic or have some such mental problem. See a shrink, and soon

As for Shobhaa De, it is blasphemous for you to call yourself feminist, activist or even intellectual

Please, you are just insulting all real feminists like Margaret Atwood, Arundathi Roy, Even Enseler and Eleanor Roosevelt

Scarlett said...

On the one hand you're praising Anjali Tendulkar, on the other you're being condescending by saying things like "she wears dowdy garments", "she's understood her position in marriage (secondary) etc. So I don't know whether you're a fan or not.

Ketaki... said...

I do NOT get people assuming that whatever was said pertaining to enjoying celeb hub was applicable only for women. The very fact that it was assumed to be meant for women tells me that living in states doesn’t realy mean anything.
I did not feel the need to repeat what Shobha had written here( for I wrongly assumed people to be regular readers. That is why the reason we love Sachin more too. Nevertheless, to ‘clarify’ what I meant regarding what I wrote. I want to quote people like APJ Kalam, A R Rahman, Infosys Murthy couple who being celebrities in their own right live a simple life. A simple life my friend, does not mean drab and self-sacrificing as you put it. It means like you and me, for I too live in United States, just that I didn’t find it necessary to mention that.

Neelum said...

I don't get what the fuss is all's Anjali's life, her decision....why is everyone yelling at Shobha for bringing out what she feels are good things about Anjali...
It is a very tough thing to forgo your career & stand aside to watch your husband & children prosper & grow. It is difficult to watch fellow students doing so well at work, while you are at home thinking of your next trip to the grocery store...
Ladies do understand that the ladies who choose to stay behind at home are in no way less than you and that atleast your job has a fixed time...the work of a homemaker never ends.
Show some respect people..

PassionFruit Martini said...

The Perfect Wife, who has understood her position in marriage (secondary) and placed her own personal priorities on a back burner. No ego. No conflict.
All hail Anjali.

That's what De wrote, and if you defended her saying you did not find it demeaning, then it's obvious that people will assume you were being chauvinistic. If you could honestly read that and not find it offensive you come off as chauvinistic wether you intended it or not and people WILL assume that you are being anti-feminist.
The people here are not mentioning their lives abroad as a prestige issue, only to illustrate the HUGE difference in women empowerment between India and the west.
Wether you like it or not, women abuse in India, issues like dowry deaths and female feoticde are HUGE
Women empowerment in the west is incomparable to the position of women in patriarchials ocities like India and that is a sad fact. Deal with it

PassionFruit Martini said...

Nobody is objecting to what Anjali does, just the chauvinistic way in which Shobhaa's conveyed her opinion. The entire post reeks of chauvinism:
The Perfect Wife, who has understood her position in marriage (secondary) and placed her own personal priorities on a back burner. No ego. No conflict.
All hail Anjali.
This is an excellent example, if you still don't understand what all the fuss is about god help you!
As for shwoing some respect: Why don't YOU show some respect for woman at large and in specific, all the intellignet, empowered Indian women out there that this insults?

"Anjali definitely falls into the ‘neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride’ category, even if that format of the idealized desi bahu no longer works for a large number of urban Indian families. Somewhere , at the backs of our minds, we still secretely admire an Anjali for all the qualities that are fast disappearing in our cities. Anjali gave up a career ( she’s a qualified doctor) to raise a family ( two kids). She chose to become a full time homemaker when her generation of educated women the world over were forging ahead aggressively and shattering glass ceilings at the work place. She stayed out of the limelight when other wives ( Posh Beckham there, Sangeeta Bijlani here) of star sportsmen were busy flaunting their privileged status ."

Thats what this article preaches, to be a good Indian woman you must put yourself last. It's not the fact that Anjali made that choice it's just that she should not be held up as a paragon of virtue for making that choice and other women should not be discouraged from being independant and empowered.

PassionFruit Martini said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

You authors are too smart in playing with words. You can make anyone a NATIONAL hero/heroine by your clever word selection that even the most rational person would nod n agree (maybe for a split of a sec though)

If Anjali preferred to stay at home that was her personal choice...but one thing is true "harr safal admmi ke peeche ek aurrat ka haath hota hai..."

All the best for your journey!!! ENJOY

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Unknown said...


No matter how educated you are but if your husband is earning well for the family you may choose the option to sit at home and look after family.There is no point running here and there behind money if you have it enough. Its all about your own decision and family support. Ambitious person may choose to work without thinking about money and will always think first for family.


Chanz said...

I didnt realise that this as true. But now that you have said it, I agree with you..

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

'The Perfect Wife, who has understood her position in marriage (secondary) and placed her own personal priorities on a back burner'
i fail to see how such statements can be made with such authority. you are applying stereotyped norms to judge an elusive person.she could be a woman who is perfectly comfortable with herself, knows what she wants from life, chooses to go after it her way. to use the terms secondary and backburner reveals a lack of understanding of anything that exists outside the stereotype.

aparajita said...

It was really interesting to go through the post and the controversial comments. Any topic to deal with women has been so over-thought and entangling that whatever you write you can never escape a controversy ever.

I do not think one has to live in a black and white opinioned world and so if she supports women empowerment she cannot speak in praise of a woman who sacrificed her career.

What is to be praised in an individual is how well he or she could stand for to put forward his or her own 'CHOICE'. Women's right doesn't only mean escaping the kitchen door and running with files towards a moving career. To have that view is a modern day stereotype anyway.

RIGHT means right to do what one feels for. If a woman feels she is more meant for a bubbling career and realized and pursued to grip that no matter how much pressure the society puts on her...3 cheers to her for she is a free woman.

Similarly, if a woman felt she is more passionate to leave career and take care of house and did that without a pressure or influence from the male world, 3 cheers to her too. She too is a free woman.
Freedom is living upto one's choice in fact.

How praiseworthy it is to see a village girl not caring for the thousand frowns and still breaking the chains to grip a career, that praiseworthy it is to see a wife of a famous man leaving career and not bothering people tagging her 'back-dated'. They both have understood the meaning of FREEDOM.

Kuddos to all the men who have realized that. Kuddos to all the females who have realized they can equally strive for that. That in fact is equality. And freedom lies there.


parwatisingari said...

hi, nandini and eith--
You miss the point completely it is Mrs,Tendulkar's choice to have a career or not. Take a reality check of any woman she has given up somewhere either the kids are brought up the maid, or parents,or parents in law, else she has made career sacrifices. If not her male colleagues wife has done it for her. I do hold this grudge, because my husband's female colleagues always cry out responsibilities citing babies and kids, it means I'm single parenting that translates to my career is suffering.
Mrs.Tendulkar is commendable please give her, her due. You do sound like you envy her.:)

Tech Shankar said...

Hi. I love Your post. I love Sachin the Master.
Have a look @ here too.

Anjali Tendulkar Rare Photos

keshav_Agony%2remember said...

Noor..i m in love with you
u have almost shredded
keep on going honey

Uma said...

Shobhaa De is not conflicted. If you think so, it's because you don't understand her. In fact, I have never met anyone so single-mindedly devoted to the art of chamcha-giri / flattery. Have mercy on Shobhaa, people. Some people just have to be liked, it's like an addiction for them. They need it like food and water. Shobhaa De, inspite of being financially well settled and churning out a few best-sellers, still DESPERATELY needs rich and powerful people to love her, like her, admire her. That's all she wants.
Like an alcoholic who gives up everything in pursuit of the bottle, Shobhaa De has given up her personality and beliefs just to be liked. Will the almighty Anjali Tendulkar read her blog and finally invite De over to her parties, so that De can feel loved and accepted and brag about it to the uninvited, unlovable, unwanted people on this planet? Only time will tell.
Do not mind these people, Shobhaa De.
We all have problems of our own.
love (yes I really DO love you)
Uma Dongre

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